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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Please settle an argument. (long)
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Anonymous
| If it will keep you from murdering him I would get the iPod and tell him to shove it. |
Anonymous
| I'm sure you know you've got bigger issues......When DH and I were first married and pooling our salaries, we had some similar issues with money. What we ended up doing was determining how much 'personal' money each of us would have each month. That went into our individual accounts (which we maintained even after getting married). The rest of our salaries went into the joint account. We then defined what was a joint expense and what was a personal expense. If it was unclear whether it was a personal expense or a joint expense, we had to come to agreement before it got paid out of the joint account. That worked really well for us and I stopped feeling like I was doing without in order to fund his foolishness. If he wanted to go out for lunch each day, fine. He used his personal money, not our joint money. I was fine brown bagging it so I could buy stuff I wanted. |
Anonymous
| Thanks all for the advice, especially 10:40. |
Anonymous
|
OP here again. Here's how you get $1105 in tickets:
1. Stay at your mother's house in DC while you and your wife work things out. 2. Park in your mother's apt parking lot, get towed and ticketed. 3. Park on the street, get a warning ticket, which you claim you never saw. (Now we know, parking overnight repeatedly in DC with MD tags requires a special permit) . 4. Continue to park on the street and get additional tickets. 5. Ignore the tickets so all the fines double. 6. Move back in with wife because you can't park in DC anymore. Yeah, we've got bigger issues. |
Anonymous
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Each parking ticket could be a $150 in DC so I can see how it could have stacked up to a $1000 or more. It is completely idiotic and don't even know why you even let him back in the house before he paid it off. 1) it's not like it's not posted on every corner how long you can park without the zoned permit. 2) after the first ticket and towing he knew so there is absolutely no excuse.
Did you let him in because you need his income to live as well? If yes, then tell him to shove it and pay the damn tickets. If you don't need his income to survive, send him back to mommy until he works out the parking ticket situation and then see a financial counselor (and a counselor for your marriage). |
Anonymous
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Haha one of the things that increased our cost of living exponentially living in DC (on a rush hour restricted street) was the ridiculous amount of parking tickets. And occasionally yeah, one of them would disappear from the windshield before we saw it or DH would shove it homer-simpson style into his glove compartment. My DH had racked up so many of them in every county around DC, he got his license put on probation. So he and I spent almost a week driving around, paying them off, so he could get his license reinstated.
This was soon after we met, so when it came time to pool finances, we did exactly what 10:40 did. I have even gone on vacation without him when he has chosen to spend his money on other crap. And yeah, he had a boatload of stuff in collections when we met. But most of it we chose to ignore and wait out the 7-year term on his credit report (especially the $20k in debt from his ex-GF). The hard thing is, you're having a rough time in your relationship aside from this. So instead of sticking your tongue out and saying that you deserve it and he doesn't, try another approach. Tell him that from now on you both will be prioritizing your finances to paying off this parking ticket debt, but that you just feel like it's unfair to you; you want to act as a partnership, but you feel like you're being denied nice things since all your extra money would be going to pay off his avoidable debt. Then work out something reasonable to avoid future tickets - like, you drop him off in DC, or he gets a ride from a friend. And set up the individual accounts and allowances. |
aprilmayjune
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| Do you both work? Do you both earn the money? I am not saying that over a grand in parking tickets is in any way but I can also see where he would get annoyed about you spending extra money on things when you guys have this debt.. When you married him.. you married the debt that he had.. His bills became yours to share, just like the money you guys had.. Why do you have an extra account for extras and fun when you have all of these extra bills to pay? It really sounds like you guys need to come to some sort of financial agreement that works for both of you. . |
Anonymous
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How about maybe you both grow up and become financially responsible?
If you have a joint account I would suggest that you open your own account and take yourself off of his. Start paying off your own bills and he can drown in his own. I recently started putting some of the bills in my name, not just my husbands as well as paying them before he normally would. I have full access to the bank account (we do share a joint account) so I know what is spent where and how. This way there is no argument or discrepancies. We do have some credit card debt to pay off but the bills are now getting paid and we are not at a negative balance in the bank at the end of the month any longer. Rule of thumb: If you can't pay cash for it you DO NOT need it. |
Anonymous
| I agree with you, he doesn't deserve an iPod or new cell phone until his tickets/fines are paid. I also think you might need marriage counseling. We had to go b/c of DH's financial woes/issues and keeping them secret from me. It has helped our communication, no secrets anymore. |
Anonymous
| does he have add or mental health issues? has some classic signs. stop having kids with this guy. |