Please settle an argument. (long)

[Anonymous]

Most of our marriage has been spent paying back one debt after another, caused by my husband's complete lack of responsibility with moeny. Back taxes. Defaulted car loan. Penalties on unpaid retirement loans. Most of these were from before we were married. Some we had to pay while he was unemployed. I handle the money in our family. Money is always really really tight, especially since we are always paying for his screw ups.

The latest issue is $1105 in parking tickets he has racked up over the past 2 months. This whole thing sounds really silly but here goes: My Ipod broke, so I looked at the budget, figured it wouldn't kill us, and bought myself a new one, using funds from my little set-aside account. Half the music on it is for the kids to listen to in the car. I am also getting my hair done today, again out of my little account. (I only get it done twice a year, and maintain at home.) I also recently replaced a cell phone I lost.

DH wants to know why he can't have an Ipod and a new phone. He wants to know how, if money is so tight, can I afford to get my hair done? I say he doesn't get an Ipod until we come up with the $1105 to pay parking tickets. As far as I'm concerned he shouldn't get items on his wish list until the tickets are paid. I can't believe he's even asking.

I know I'm being a b, but am I right? I'm not sure how much of my behavior is me being pissed off, and how much is logical.

[Anonymous]

I know it sucks, but if it were me, I wouldn't get my hair done or a new iPod until the tickets were paid. Yes, they're your husband's doing, but my approach is bills before luxuries and it doesn't matter where the money comes from (including a little set aside account). Your husband needs to get his act together and take responsibility for his actions. It doesn't seems like he cares that his actions affect the whole family. That would really piss me off.

[Anonymous]

Check out "All Your Worth" by Warren and Tyagi. Sounds like you both need some fun money--you can spend yours on Ipods and getting your hair done, he can spend his on...parking tickets, I guess?

[Anonymous]

Like many situations with couples there is no clear right or wrong here. I wouldn't have bought new things with that much in outstanding tickets but there is no way in hell he shouldn't racked up that much in parking tickets. How is that even possible?! It also sounds like you're holding you're husbands debts before marriage against him which isn't fair. I tease my husband about his but it became my debt at some point as well. You need a solution you can both agree on. And he needs to stop getting tickets!

[Anonymous]

Jesus, I'm so glad that for all her faults, I married an adult.

[Anonymous]

Is there something cheaper he can get as well?

I mean, how the heck do you rack up $1,105 of parking tickets without trying to rectify the underlying cause?

If most of his fiscal sins are before he married you, you can't really hold that against him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think either of you should be spending any discretionary income until your debts are paid off. Once his parking tickets are paid for, I say you get first dibs at your wish list since he's the one who incurred the debt.

[Anonymous]

You get your hair done twice a year and he's bitching about that? Does he want you to look like Sasquatch?

I would have waited on the iPod (and FYI--when DH's broke we took it to Apple, they couldn't fix it, but took his old one and sold us the same model for $50--it was originally $300), but a cell phone you need to have.

[Anonymous]

$1,000+ is a ridiculous amount to have racked up in parking tickets, especially after two months.

He doesn't need to bitch about your twice yearly hair expenses and your rare iPod expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$1,000+ is a ridiculous amount to have racked up in parking tickets, especially after two months.

He doesn't need to bitch about your twice yearly hair expenses and your rare iPod expense.

I completely agree. Over $1000 in parking tickets? That is insane!

[Anonymous]

He's ridiculous. You an afford these things beause YOU are responsible with money.

Other posters are right. Each of you should have your own fund. It's a fun/srew up fund. He can do his thing with his, you, with yours.

How the hell did he rack up that many parking tickets???

[Anonymous]

Does he work now?

[Anonymous]

There is no f-ing way someone can rack up more than $1000 in parking tickets in a decade, let alone a few days. He has a problem and it is not you.

[Anonymous]

I'd sell his car to pay for the parking tickets.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like my four year old. He only wants the cell phone and iPod because you got one. I can't believe he is arguing this! What's fair isn't always equal and what's equal isn't always fair.