Rough Chapter

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]05/29/2024 23:51
quote
Anonymous
My DH was like this for a few years. Ends up he was having a long emotional affair with a coworker, so his home life just generally annoyed him. It more recently turned physical, I discovered it and we’re now divorcing.
Start monitoring his cell, texting, disappearing within the house, staying late or going out after work
Do intervention before it’s too late
[Post New]05/30/2024 00:50
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Is no one going to state the alarming omission? Your spouse is literally avoiding you. Inventing reasons to be away from you. In your long list of his faults, you haven’t considered how awful it is that the one you supposedly love doesn’t want to be around you? Clearly there is something you can do about this rough stage: imagine your DH happy, cheerful, racing home to be with the woman who makes him feel loved and warm. What would she be like? Do that.


This is the way.

You need to start behaving “as if”…

“As if” you love him…(what does that look
like/feel like yo show that to him?)
“As if” he’s the sexiest person alive and you can wait to be naked with him…(goodbye dry spell—hello sexy lingerie!)
“As if” YOU can’t wait to hear about his day
“As if” you don’t mind at all that he’s been gone and you’re so glad he is back when he returns.

Just start putting these things in motion.
Do it five days in a row.
Then ten…
You will see a huge transformation.
[Post New]05/30/2024 00:56
quote
Anonymous
My husband was drinking when he did this behavior.
[Post New]05/30/2024 00:59
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is no one going to state the alarming omission? Your spouse is literally avoiding you. Inventing reasons to be away from you. In your long list of his faults, you haven’t considered how awful it is that the one you supposedly love doesn’t want to be around you? Clearly there is something you can do about this rough stage: imagine your DH happy, cheerful, racing home to be with the woman who makes him feel loved and warm. What would she be like? Do that.


This is the way.

You need to start behaving “as if”…

“As if” you love him…(what does that look
like/feel like yo show that to him?)
“As if” he’s the sexiest person alive and you can wait to be naked with him…(goodbye dry spell—hello sexy lingerie!)
“As if” YOU can’t wait to hear about his day
“As if” you don’t mind at all that he’s been gone and you’re so glad he is back when he returns.

Just start putting these things in motion.
Do it five days in a row.
Then ten…
You will see a huge transformation.


This is stupid. He needs to fix his attitude.
[Post New]05/30/2024 01:07
quote
Anonymous
It’s pretty much cheating, booze/drugs, or a mental health issue (depression etc). Only you know which is most likely.
[Post New]05/30/2024 01:08
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My husband was drinking when he did this behavior.


Same
[Post New]05/30/2024 06:53
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is no one going to state the alarming omission? Your spouse is literally avoiding you. Inventing reasons to be away from you. In your long list of his faults, you haven’t considered how awful it is that the one you supposedly love doesn’t want to be around you? Clearly there is something you can do about this rough stage: imagine your DH happy, cheerful, racing home to be with the woman who makes him feel loved and warm. What would she be like? Do that.


This is the way.

You need to start behaving “as if”…

“As if” you love him…(what does that look
like/feel like yo show that to him?)
“As if” he’s the sexiest person alive and you can wait to be naked with him…(goodbye dry spell—hello sexy lingerie!)
“As if” YOU can’t wait to hear about his day
“As if” you don’t mind at all that he’s been gone and you’re so glad he is back when he returns.

Just start putting these things in motion.
Do it five days in a row.
Then ten…
You will see a huge transformation.


This is stupid. He needs to fix his attitude.


Oh sweetie I LOVE mowing the lawn and washing your dirty clothes. It is so amazing that you let me touch your dishes to wash them because you are you, the bestest in the world. From now on, I will do all my chores in lingerie because it helps YOU. YOU YOU YOU all I think about is YOU

_signed, your doormat (AKA wife)

Of course there will be a transformation for the guy because he has not a care in the world. The wife on the other hand will just be more downtrodden, but she will do it in lingerie so that means she is happy the pictures in magazines and only fans don’t lie.
[Post New]05/30/2024 11:43
quote
Anonymous
Even in our worst periods over the years, my husband and I have always wanted to come home to one another. Assuming you are self aware about any of your own potentially appalling behavior and you don’t see anything major there, I would be looking at what else is going on with my husband.

I also would be starting to live under the assumption that I will be divorcing in the next five years. So don’t go buy a bigger house, don’t move somewhere you don’t want to live, etc. Keep your financial house in order in case you have to pay for it all on your own. Because one of you isn’t going to be willing to live like this for decades.
[Post New]05/30/2024 16:32
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Most likely he is cheating

Agree. Maybe not MOST likely, but very possibly.
[Post New]05/31/2024 09:58
quote
Anonymous
A year of this, snarls, active avoidance, no intimacy, I’d be done and I’d no longer care what he wasn’t “sharing” with me to answer the poster who said her first instinct would be to think the husband just had something wrong he’d not share with the one woman in his life who has a duty to at least try to help him sort it out. No, I’d not allow myself to be treated like that. The husband can either behave better or spill his guts so we can come to a resolution. If he chooses not to, well, as an adult, he can be on his own. Nobody has ever gone to jail for deciding they don’t want to remain married to someone who acts like op’s husband.

Living with someone like op’s husband is why they say depression is catching. I’d do what I could to help but if I got nowhere, well, he’s not a dog youcan take to the vet, and even a dog will be put down if it behaves poorly enough. OP doesn’t need to baby him along, and she really can’t so long as he literally doesn’t stay home. Why should she feel any guilt about divorcing that?
[Post New]05/31/2024 19:27
quote
Anonymous
you need to end this marriage. there is nothing to save
[Post New]06/01/2024 20:19
quote
ZachF
Member Offline
Let the lawn go. Practice as if it's just you and the kids now. Just cut him out and see if he cares. You will get your answer.
[Post New]06/02/2024 12:23
quote
Anonymous
My ex was like this when he changed to a job requiring more travel. I suspect he was probably cheating but never had proof (that said didn’t look very hard). Or he just got a bigger ego as his salary went up and didn’t feel like I kissed his ass enough.
Regardless he became impossible to live with and his contempt for me was blatant. I’m sorry OP. It feels terrible. I’m still recovering psychologically. But talk to him and try counseling.
[Post New]06/07/2024 01:36
quote
Anonymous
Need to talk to him candidly (likely with a therapist) to figure out root cause of the changes and how to hopefully work on it. Right now you’re in a silent divorce. I’m in a similar situation. It’s very hard and depressing and I feel ashamed (tho shouldn’t)
And always in limbo on whether or not to divorce (we did therapy for four years, did not help us. Sleep in different rooms. Not intimate for years. No real friendship anymore. Hate that kids witness this and presume this is what marriage is). Ugh. Feel for you! Hoping the situation improves!
post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Message Quick Reply
Go to: 

Search   Recent Topics   Hottest Topics