Friend never talks about children

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[Post New]08/12/2010 14:29
Anonymous
I have a friend who is in his 70's. He has never been married and has no children. Very nice individual, very caring, super intellient. But whenever I mention anything about a child (mine or someone else's) he clams up and says nothing. That is not the case with any other subject, since he always has something to say about everything, and talks a lot. I have sort of probed, but it is obviosly an difficult area, so I back down.
If he hates kids, then I would not expose my kids to him and not talk about them. If there is a painful past, this is my mother's guess, then I guess there is nothing that I can do. BTW, I am known for not talking about my children a lot; some people have said that they didn't know that I had any.
Has anyone seen this before?
[Post New]08/12/2010 14:32
Anonymous
If it's not something he wants to talk about for whatever reason, why can't you just respect that? If you are astute enough to notice, why not leave people some privacy? This thread reminds me of the one where OP is googling around and polling people b/c a good friend's mom died and she won't "reveal" the cause of death. Why must everyone spill everything to you?
[Post New]08/12/2010 14:45
Anonymous
Yes. A colleague, not a friend. I didn't discuss children with him. I never probed. That said, once I bumped into him with my child and he was gracious.
[Post New]08/12/2010 14:47
Anonymous
So he doesn't like to talk about kids! So what? I hate to talk about sports. Take a hint and talk about other things instead!
[Post New]08/12/2010 14:56
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:So he doesn't like to talk about kids! So what? I hate to talk about sports. Take a hint and talk about other things instead!


Please answer the question that was asked.
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:02
Anonymous
I think you are making a big leap that he doesn't like children. He doesn't want to discuss children maybe he doesn't feel he has anything to add to the subject. Maybe the love of his life died tragically and he's never found another woman he wanted to be with. Maybe he's sterile and the love of his life left him because he couldn't have children. Maybe he was abused as a child and has no pleasant memories of childhood. Should I continue?
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:03
Anonymous
Oh, or maybe he was a sperm donor and has 35 kids he doesn't know.
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:03
aprilmayjune
Member Offline
Seriously what is the point of this question? He doesn't like to talk about kids, some people just don't like kids.. leave it at that, it doesn't matter if any of us have seen it before.. just leave it alone... With all of the pps that don't get why it matters.
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:05
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So he doesn't like to talk about kids! So what? I hate to talk about sports. Take a hint and talk about other things instead!


Please answer the question that was asked.


No. It was a dumb question from a nosy colleague. Leave the poor man alone and stop trying to make him talk about something he doesn't want to talk about.
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:12
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think you are making a big leap that he doesn't like children. He doesn't want to discuss children maybe he doesn't feel he has anything to add to the subject. Maybe the love of his life died tragically and he's never found another woman he wanted to be with. Maybe he's sterile and the love of his life left him because he couldn't have children. Maybe he was abused as a child and has no pleasant memories of childhood. Should I continue?


You are correct, I sould have said that he does not like to talk about children. I have considered all of your suggestions, except child abuse since he loved his parents and talks about them a lot, and still suffers from the loss.

It is sad to admire and like someone so much and have fun, interesting conversations about everything form the economy to sunscreen, but just not kids. This issue makes me hesitate to invite him to my home.

One other suggestion that I had heard was that when people are treated for problems like pedophilia, they are told to avoid children and any conversation about them. This is still unlikely to be his problem.
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:39
Anonymous
This is the most ridiculous thread I've ever read. Why do you f-ing care if he finds kid talk boring?
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:48
Anonymous
OP here, it is not unreasonable to "care" if this is a friend. There are obstacles in relationships that range from hobbies to pets and kids. This seems to be an area that is painful for him. I think in my generation, people are more open at some point. But as my motherpoints out, many older people who have had bad experiences are often more clammy.
BTW, this is not a colleague.
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:50
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here, it is not unreasonable to "care" if this is a friend. There are obstacles in relationships that range from hobbies to pets and kids. This seems to be an area that is painful for him. I think in my generation, people are more open at some point. But as my motherpoints out, many older people who have had bad experiences are often more clammy.
BTW, this is not a colleague.


You are prying. If he wanted you to know he would share.
[Post New]08/12/2010 15:55
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here, it is not unreasonable to "care" if this is a friend. There are obstacles in relationships that range from hobbies to pets and kids. This seems to be an area that is painful for him. I think in my generation, people are more open at some point. But as my motherpoints out, many older people who have had bad experiences are often more clammy.
BTW, this is not a colleague.


You are prying. If he wanted you to know he would share.


No, I have asked once, months ago, but since then, I have said nothing.
[Post New]08/12/2010 16:00
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here, it is not unreasonable to "care" if this is a friend. There are obstacles in relationships that range from hobbies to pets and kids. This seems to be an area that is painful for him. I think in my generation, people are more open at some point. But as my motherpoints out, many older people who have had bad experiences are often more clammy.
BTW, this is not a colleague.


You are prying. If he wanted you to know he would share.


No, I have asked once, months ago, but since then, I have said nothing.


Don't you find it strange that every single person who has responded on this thread has thought this is none of your business? It's pretty rare on DCUM to get a solid majority. And yet you fail to see why we all think you should mind your own business.
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