Friend never talks about children

[Anonymous]

I think you may be jumping to conclusions. Honestly, I agree with the PPs that said he probably doesn't feel like he has anything to add about a conversation regarding children. If he doesn't have his own and doesn't have grandkids, he probably doesn't know anything about kids. Its doesn't mean he doesn't care or hates kids---it's just not something he can relate to. Like talking about a movie you saw that he hasn't seen yet--what kind of input is he supposed to have? I don't have pets and the people I work with talk about their dogs all the time. I don't really say much because I don't have anything to say about dogs--it doesn't mean I hate them, I just don't have much to contribute.

Its not like the guys bursts into tears everytime you mention kids, does he?

[Anonymous]

2 possibilities: are you SURE he's never been married? It's possible he did have a family and they died, or the child died. That could be too painful to talk about. It's also possible that he doesn't know anything about kids and doesn't feel he can contribute to a discussion about them. Or he hates kids and wants you to stop talking about them. Who cares? Let it go.

I have a friend who once shared with me that she hates children and never wants any. I found that really funny, because she's been very sweet to my child. I told her I thought it was awesome that she felt comfortable sharing that with me. Some people would be offended; I thought it was funny. And brave - in our society, it takes courage to admit you hate kids. Might as well say you like to kill puppies and burn American flags in your spare time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it is not unreasonable to "care" if this is a friend. There are obstacles in relationships that range from hobbies to pets and kids. This seems to be an area that is painful for him. I think in my generation, people are more open at some point. But as my motherpoints out, many older people who have had bad experiences are often more clammy.
BTW, this is not a colleague.

You are prying. If he wanted you to know he would share.

No, I have asked once, months ago, but since then, I have said nothing.

Don't you find it strange that every single person who has responded on this thread has thought this is none of your business? It's pretty rare on DCUM to get a solid majority. And yet you fail to see why we all think you should mind your own business.

A little strange, but no surprise since the only response always seems to be inappropriate here. Now assuming that some people are posting multiple times, it makes sense. My original question was about whether anyone had experienced this before. Obviously not.
But somehow, everyone seems to think that the question is about whose business it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it is not unreasonable to "care" if this is a friend. There are obstacles in relationships that range from hobbies to pets and kids. This seems to be an area that is painful for him. I think in my generation, people are more open at some point. But as my motherpoints out, many older people who have had bad experiences are often more clammy.
BTW, this is not a colleague.

You are prying. If he wanted you to know he would share.

No, I have asked once, months ago, but since then, I have said nothing.

Don't you find it strange that every single person who has responded on this thread has thought this is none of your business? It's pretty rare on DCUM to get a solid majority. And yet you fail to see why we all think you should mind your own business.

A little strange, but no surprise since the only response always seems to be inappropriate here. Now assuming that some people are posting multiple times, it makes sense. My original question was about whether anyone had experienced this before. Obviously not.
But somehow, everyone seems to think that the question is about whose business it is.

You guessed! One person has been responding and trying to pretend they are multiple people. You are a nut job. This gentleman would be well served to get away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be jumping to conclusions. Honestly, I agree with the PPs that said he probably doesn't feel like he has anything to add about a conversation regarding children. If he doesn't have his own and doesn't have grandkids, he probably doesn't know anything about kids. Its doesn't mean he doesn't care or hates kids---it's just not something he can relate to. Like talking about a movie you saw that he hasn't seen yet--what kind of input is he supposed to have? I don't have pets and the people I work with talk about their dogs all the time. I don't really say much because I don't have anything to say about dogs--it doesn't mean I hate them, I just don't have much to contribute.

Its not like the guys bursts into tears everytime you mention kids, does he?

No tears, but he did show me a picture of a cousin of his from the 1940's, a baby, and I made a comment (positive), and there was no response from him.
I agree that knowing nothing about kids might be part of it. He is the type that does not say anything unless he knows what he is talking about. But he researches everything else, so he can have an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is in his 70's. He has never been married and has no children. Very nice individual, very caring, super intellient. But whenever I mention anything about a child (mine or someone else's) he clams up and says nothing. That is not the case with any other subject, since he always has something to say about everything, and talks a lot. I have sort of probed, but it is obviosly an difficult area, so I back down.
If he hates kids, then I would not expose my kids to him and not talk about them. If there is a painful past, this is my mother's guess, then I guess there is nothing that I can do. BTW, I am known for not talking about my children a lot; some people have said that they didn't know that I had any.
Has anyone seen this before?

OP, many older people who did not have children -- for whatever reason -- are not particularly interested in them and don't have match to add when the conversation turns to them. In fact, many childless people find talk about other peoples' children of minimal interest. I doubt there's a deep dark secret here.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, this is a longshot but maybe he is just really self-centered and likes to talk only about what he thinks about. If he doesn't have children and you talk about yours, it would require him to be interested in you and not himself. So he doesn't know what to say. Is this possible, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be jumping to conclusions. Honestly, I agree with the PPs that said he probably doesn't feel like he has anything to add about a conversation regarding children. If he doesn't have his own and doesn't have grandkids, he probably doesn't know anything about kids. Its doesn't mean he doesn't care or hates kids---it's just not something he can relate to. Like talking about a movie you saw that he hasn't seen yet--what kind of input is he supposed to have? I don't have pets and the people I work with talk about their dogs all the time. I don't really say much because I don't have anything to say about dogs--it doesn't mean I hate them, I just don't have much to contribute.

Its not like the guys bursts into tears everytime you mention kids, does he?

No tears, but he did show me a picture of a cousin of his from the 1940's, a baby, and I made a comment (positive), and there was no response from him.
I agree that knowing nothing about kids might be part of it. He is the type that does not say anything unless he knows what he is talking about. But he researches everything else, so he can have an opinion.

No one is going to "research" kids just so he can have an opinion and talk about them. People like to talk about different things. Your friend doesn't like to talk about kids. You are being weird about this.

[Anonymous]

This has got to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Your question is seriously whether or not anyone here has encountered people in their lives who prefer to not discuss children???? Um....yes. We just assume its not a subject they wish to discuss and move on. Not everything has an intersting backstory.

You're trolling, right? That's the only thing that makes sense here.

[Anonymous]

This reminded me of this story I read yesterday:

http://jezebel.com/5610635/actually-i-do-have-a-right-to-child+free-spaces

[Anonymous]

Something I've learned: the suspension of judgment is a most wonderful, liberating thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a very close friend who I've been friends with for over 25 years. During this time, I've found she does not wish to discuss her father. I don't know anything about him, not even if he's alive or dead. I respect that she doesn't want to talk about it and have never asked. Why can't you do the same? I don't dwell on it, post online, theorize about why she won't tell me. I simply respect her wishes.

[Anonymous]

I have kids, and I find kids' stories boring as hell. So unless someone asks, I will not eagerly share stories.

The man is in his 70s. Why should he care about your kids?

[Anonymous]

Give me your friend's name and phone number. I take care of my kids 12 hours a day and many of my friends want to talk about nothing but food and clothing and activities for the kids.

Enough, already! I desperately crave kid-free conversation.