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Anonymous wrote:The people described in the responses are incredibly fortunate.

Or just make different choices than you do

it's pretty fortunate to be able to afford part-time day care AND a nanny in such a HCOL area. Or have the luck to live close to and/or have competent grandparents who want to be involved. There's not much choosing when it comes to how far you can stretch your childcare budget, for people who have budgets, or how things shake out with the grandparents.

I'm with you PP. I had to put my DC in full-time daycare around 2 in order to work and I didn't love it. Part-time would have been a better fit for her but we could not afford the nanny or for me to stay at home.

Or to just make sacrifices to be a SAHP? "You're just so FORTUNATE to live in a 2 bedroom house. It would just be impossible for me to cram my family of 3 in anything less than 5,000 sqf." "You're just so FORTUNATE to go camping for vacation each year, every year. We just wouldn't be able to survive without spending $50,000/year on luxury trips."
"You're so FORTUNATE to drive a 10 year old economy car. We'd never survive without buying a brand new XL luxury SUV every other year."

DP, but I can’t afford to stay home (or have a nanny) and we live in an 800sqft condo, mostly “vacation” by visiting my parents, and don’t own a car. I also don’t have a career that would allow re-entery after a five year gap. Yes, I regret choosing this career. No, I don’t have a time machine to fix it with. You are in fact fortunate to be able to stay home if you want to.

So again, it’s about the choices you made. Not “fortune.”

I guess that’s a fair point. It is about the choices we made at 20 and 25 and 30. Unfortunately, when you’re wanting to stay home at 35, you can’t go back and change any of the earlier choices to make that easier. Your examples of sacrifices are things I have already sacrificed to afford kids at all so I can’t sacrifice more to stay home and pay for part time preschool. I maintain that people who are in the position to do so are fortunate, either financially or logistically if they have family willing to help out. Why are you so offended by being called fortunate?

Because it's inaccurate. It wasn't "fortune," it was hard sacrifices.

“Hard sacrifices” a lot of us also made without ending up in a position of being able to stay home and pay for preschool too? Weird take from a privileged person who doesn’t realize their good fortune. (Me, I’m grateful to be fortunate to have involved loving grandparents who are willing to babysit occasionally even if I can’t afford any of the things you suggest are hard sacrifices.)

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Anonymous wrote:The people described in the responses are incredibly fortunate.

Or just make different choices than you do

it's pretty fortunate to be able to afford part-time day care AND a nanny in such a HCOL area. Or have the luck to live close to and/or have competent grandparents who want to be involved. There's not much choosing when it comes to how far you can stretch your childcare budget, for people who have budgets, or how things shake out with the grandparents.

I'm with you PP. I had to put my DC in full-time daycare around 2 in order to work and I didn't love it. Part-time would have been a better fit for her but we could not afford the nanny or for me to stay at home.

Or to just make sacrifices to be a SAHP? "You're just so FORTUNATE to live in a 2 bedroom house. It would just be impossible for me to cram my family of 3 in anything less than 5,000 sqf." "You're just so FORTUNATE to go camping for vacation each year, every year. We just wouldn't be able to survive without spending $50,000/year on luxury trips."
"You're so FORTUNATE to drive a 10 year old economy car. We'd never survive without buying a brand new XL luxury SUV every other year."

DP, but I can’t afford to stay home (or have a nanny) and we live in an 800sqft condo, mostly “vacation” by visiting my parents, and don’t own a car. I also don’t have a career that would allow re-entery after a five year gap. Yes, I regret choosing this career. No, I don’t have a time machine to fix it with. You are in fact fortunate to be able to stay home if you want to.

So again, it’s about the choices you made. Not “fortune.”

I guess that’s a fair point. It is about the choices we made at 20 and 25 and 30. Unfortunately, when you’re wanting to stay home at 35, you can’t go back and change any of the earlier choices to make that easier. Your examples of sacrifices are things I have already sacrificed to afford kids at all so I can’t sacrifice more to stay home and pay for part time preschool. I maintain that people who are in the position to do so are fortunate, either financially or logistically if they have family willing to help out. Why are you so offended by being called fortunate?

Because it's inaccurate. It wasn't "fortune," it was hard sacrifices.

“Hard sacrifices” a lot of us also made without ending up in a position of being able to stay home and pay for preschool too? Weird take from a privileged person who doesn’t realize their good fortune. (Me, I’m grateful to be fortunate to have involved loving grandparents who are willing to babysit occasionally even if I can’t afford any of the things you suggest are hard sacrifices.)

+1. Weirdly antagonistic from someone super privileged.

+2 You are privileged if you have that choice. I had that choice, and I chose to work and send my child to daycare. But I could have chosen to stay home if I wanted to (it would have been enormously costly in the short and the long term but it was possible), and that makes me privileged. Many people don't have that choice. Some people send their kids to unlicensed daycares because they have to work and can't afford anything better. Some people can't enter the workforce because they can't get a job that pays enough to afforf childcare. Those of us who have that choice are fortunate.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all the responses! It's good to hear real life examples. I will have to look into a nanny share and see if the reduced cost is affordable overall.

And what's with the weird poster who insists that everything is due to choice and wants to pick a bone with the idea of being "fortunate" enough for a great childcare situation? You can't wrap your head around the idea that luck plays into outcomes in life..?

I'm currently a SAHM mom, a choice that was a financial sacrifice for our family. Having made it, I still feel very fortunate that we can get by on one income. That's just not possible for some people. I was hoping to go back to work soon and stop dipping into our savings, but I may make the CHOICE again to stay home longer and send DC to one of the part-time daycare I really liked. And I will continue to feel FORTUNATE that I have that option. Not everyone does.

Anonymous wrote:Prek is not a requirement for kindergarten. I've seen kids with nanny until 4

Anonymous wrote:what do you do for the hours they are not? Nanny? SAHM?

Just starting to explore pre-school options and realized that all the ones I really liked only offer part-time programs at the 18 months/2 year old mark - 2, 3, or 5 half days a week. The full day programs I found seem to be not as good - higher staff/children ratios, less developed or established programming, less varied schedule, shorter outdoor time etc. And this is personal but the vibe I got from the full days programs was more commercial/chaotic, the children seemed less calm and attached to the caregivers.

Which leads me to wonder what do the families who put their children in these lovely part-time preschool do for the rest of the time? It's a significant amount of time if they are only doing 2 or 3 half days. It also makes it harder to find a part-time nanny to cover those hours. Not to mention the expense of paying for pre-school + part time nanny at a higher rate. Or the holistic "cost" of staying at home through the part-time pre-school years.

So are these families just very well-resourced financially? Or have local help like grandparents to cover the remaining time? Please share how you make it work.

Anonymous wrote:what do you do for the hours they are not? Nanny? SAHM?

Just starting to explore pre-school options and realized that all the ones I really liked only offer part-time programs at the 18 months/2 year old mark - 2, 3, or 5 half days a week. The full day programs I found seem to be not as good - higher staff/children ratios, less developed or established programming, less varied schedule, shorter outdoor time etc. And this is personal but the vibe I got from the full days programs was more commercial/chaotic, the children seemed less calm and attached to the caregivers.

Which leads me to wonder what do the families who put their children in these lovely part-time preschool do for the rest of the time? It's a significant amount of time if they are only doing 2 or 3 half days. It also makes it harder to find a part-time nanny to cover those hours. Not to mention the expense of paying for pre-school + part time nanny at a higher rate. Or the holistic "cost" of staying at home through the part-time pre-school years.

So are these families just very well-resourced financially? Or have local help like grandparents to cover the remaining time? Please share how you make it work.