Mock poverty?

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[Post New]03/16/2023 20:40
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Anonymous
Whenever I meet with my high school friend, who is very wealthy, she says things that leave me puzzled and a little paranoid of my social standing/appearance. For example, she’ll “confide” to me she cannot afford a dentist or her husband is desperately waiting to get paid so they can get groceries. I feel like she wants me to reciprocate and say something like, “I’m struggling too. I cannot afford blah blah blah.” When there is a third friend who is also wealthy she never does this. Thoughts?
[Post New]03/16/2023 20:41
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Anonymous
Weird
[Post New]03/16/2023 20:44
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Anonymous
If she's wealthy she can afford the dentist and groceries so if she's telling the truth she isn't wealthy. I'd just listen, tell her you're sorry and you're sure things will turn around soon.
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:14
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Anonymous
I know this. She care about you and want you to feel like you are no different and still having the same struggles.

I have been in similar situations. We used to be middle class but we are now upper upper middle class.
We were talking with a group of friends (most of them middle class), and they were all complaining about inflation and how they feel it when they buy groceries. They had to cut their spending on groceries, etc. I was nodding in agreement. But the reality is that I'm not feeling it and haven't noticed it at all. I realized that I was nodding because I wanted to make them feel like we were still together and having similar problems.
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:18
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Anonymous
I'm super confrontational so I'd ask. "Didn't you just get back from Hawaii/redo all your bathrooms/get lipo? Why'd you do that instead of saving a few hundred for groceries?"
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:24
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I know this. She care about you and want you to feel like you are no different and still having the same struggles.

I have been in similar situations. We used to be middle class but we are now upper upper middle class.
We were talking with a group of friends (most of them middle class), and they were all complaining about inflation and how they feel it when they buy groceries. They had to cut their spending on groceries, etc. I was nodding in agreement. But the reality is that I'm not feeling it and haven't noticed it at all. I realized that I was nodding because I wanted to make them feel like we were still together and having similar problems.


But OP's friend is extreme in that she initiates these complaints. That's mental illness. I don't notice the price of groceries going up either, but I don't go out of my way to lie when I'm with less wealthy friends.

Or... she really is struggling. As a friend, I would ask direct questions, because this is way beyond the range of normal.
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:28
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Anonymous
Is she the victim of financial abuse?
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:30
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Is she the victim of financial abuse?


Her husband could be lying to her. You should check in with her.
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:31
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is she the victim of financial abuse?


Her husband could be lying to her. You should check in with her.


Or transparently engaging in abusive financial behavior. I’d worry OP.
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:34
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Anonymous
Not exactly the same situation but someone I know with a wealthy DH is on a budget (she says it’s by agreement) and sometimes would complain about not enough money for basic things. Mind you, her DH was an engineer at Google at the time. She could ask him for extra but didn’t want to because he would reproach her for not being able to stick to the budget.
It was a bizarre situation and I eventually stopped hanging out with her as it felt too awkward.
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:36
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Lampsplus
Member Offline
+1
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:40
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I know this. She care about you and want you to feel like you are no different and still having the same struggles.

I have been in similar situations. We used to be middle class but we are now upper upper middle class.
We were talking with a group of friends (most of them middle class), and they were all complaining about inflation and how they feel it when they buy groceries. They had to cut their spending on groceries, etc. I was nodding in agreement. But the reality is that I'm not feeling it and haven't noticed it at all. I realized that I was nodding because I wanted to make them feel like we were still together and having similar problems.


I love the smug superiority of DCUM: "We are now upper, *upper* middle class."

I swear, the Money forum is just a therapy spot where LMC people who finally made some money can build their self-esteem and mentally distance themselves from their erstwhile selves and the other poors (while feigning concern for them and mouthing platitudes of gratitude).
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:44
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Anonymous
Op here. I don’t think it’s a financial abuse situation from the husband, maybe the parents who buy ocean front homes and she has one home and pays a mortgage. Husband is upper middle class/self made parents. Her wealth is from her great grandparents fortune in starting a well known publication. I sometimes wonder if he saw a meal ticket, not the other way around. I think she can be catty and she is gossipy. Like she’ll say she suspects one of our classmates has autism or questions the paternity of a friend with light blonde hair (I knew the kids aunt and told my catty friend his hair is just like the aunts.)
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:47
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Anonymous
Then she probably has less access to her inheritance than you think. Disbursement schedule or something.

I have a friend who has several million in a trust for her but her dad is still alive and is the trustee. He doesn’t trust my friend’s judgment and trusts her SO even less. He won’t let her take a penny out of the trust. She has to wait for him to die.
[Post New]03/16/2023 21:51
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Anonymous
Yeah, I think she is angry her family is so obviously wealthy but she seems to be restricted and it makes her resentful. I feel like I have giver her a litany of how bad I’m struggling (which I’m not), to giver her a lift and some dignity in her misery.
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