novasoccer15324 wrote:If you want yelling coaches on the girls side, just go to Maryland. From my experience most of the worst offenders of yelling girls coaches in northern VA have been flushed out, aged out, or moved on.

lojack74 wrote:

novasoccer15324 wrote:If you want yelling coaches on the girls side, just go to Maryland. From my experience most of the worst offenders of yelling girls coaches in northern VA have been flushed out, aged out, or moved on.

Or FCV United South. Not sure about now, but that effer would berate his players to tears and humiliation.

God, whoever made the comment about "hard nose coaching"! It's like this country isn't in the midst of the worst mental health epidemic we've ever seen, and fools like this are a large part of that problem.

soccer424 wrote:

lojack74 wrote:

novasoccer15324 wrote:If you want yelling coaches on the girls side, just go to Maryland. From my experience most of the worst offenders of yelling girls coaches in northern VA have been flushed out, aged out, or moved on.

Or FCV United South. Not sure about now, but that effer would berate his players to tears and humiliation.

God, whoever made the comment about "hard nose coaching"! It's like this country isn't in the midst of the worst mental health epidemic we've ever seen, and fools like this are a large part of that problem.

Who is FCV United South? Is that the St James based teams? Or is there another version of FCV somewhere else?

lojack74 wrote:

novasoccer15324 wrote:If you want yelling coaches on the girls side, just go to Maryland. From my experience most of the worst offenders of yelling girls coaches in northern VA have been flushed out, aged out, or moved on.

Or FCV United South. Not sure about now, but that effer would berate his players to tears and humiliation.

God, whoever made the comment about "hard nose coaching"! It's like this country isn't in the midst of the worst mental health epidemic we've ever seen, and fools like this are a large part of that problem.

SDC wrote:

lojack74 wrote:

novasoccer15324 wrote:If you want yelling coaches on the girls side, just go to Maryland. From my experience most of the worst offenders of yelling girls coaches in northern VA have been flushed out, aged out, or moved on.

Or FCV United South. Not sure about now, but that effer would berate his players to tears and humiliation.

God, whoever made the comment about "hard nose coaching"! It's like this country isn't in the midst of the worst mental health epidemic we've ever seen, and fools like this are a large part of that problem.

Do you think maybe, just maybe it could be partially due to the lockdowns and hysteria over the last few years? Or maybe that since folks can't lose (e.g., everyone gets a trophy) these days and didn't learn how to handle rejection/loss in the little things in life and grow from that.....and somehow are expected to handle the big ones when real life comes at them?

lojack74 wrote:

SDC wrote:

lojack74 wrote:

novasoccer15324 wrote:If you want yelling coaches on the girls side, just go to Maryland. From my experience most of the worst offenders of yelling girls coaches in northern VA have been flushed out, aged out, or moved on.

Or FCV United South. Not sure about now, but that effer would berate his players to tears and humiliation.

God, whoever made the comment about "hard nose coaching"! It's like this country isn't in the midst of the worst mental health epidemic we've ever seen, and fools like this are a large part of that problem.

Do you think maybe, just maybe it could be partially due to the lockdowns and hysteria over the last few years? Or maybe that since folks can't lose (e.g., everyone gets a trophy) these days and didn't learn how to handle rejection/loss in the little things in life and grow from that.....and somehow are expected to handle the big ones when real life comes at them?

Not sure what you're trying to address with the lockdown comment. Our current mental health crisis? That's just myopic. I know too any people that work closely with children of all ages to think that this is recent. When I've spoken to people that have moved here from abroad, the first thing they pointed out was how bad the state of our mental health is compared to most other countries they've been to/lived in.

And the whole participation trophy argument carries little weight for me with regards to my comment about hard-nosed coaching, but possibly because that's a big grey area. Today, children and parents both need to learn to cope better, yes. But that also applies to coaches; they are not immune to the need to learn to cope when things don't go their way. That in no way absolves them from berating players. At all. If coaches want kids to learn to cope with disappointment, and not getting their way, they should model it. Getting/acting furious with a player that isn't listening, or not comitting the coaches lesson to their play isn't hard-nosed coaching. That's literally acting out, and doing exactly what your comment is inferring only kids do.

In short, coaches should never, ever be a part of the problem with a kids mental health. And before someone drops the whole "well coaches are people, too, and they are going through stuff to", nope. Do we bring our own personal life issues to work and take them out on coworkers? No professional should do that. No coach should do that. No excuse for an adult to do that. We see children do that, sure, because they are children and still learning. Coaches should know better. There is just no excuse for mistreatment of players by their coaches.

There is such a ridiculously pervasive lack of perspective in youth sports, where parents and coaches alike all think they're dealing with the next great thing. If they yell a little louder, or make the kid feel a little worse for not trying harder, or for missing a shot or tackle, they can say "yup, I did that" when that kid is on a big international stage. Or they act like whatever game they’re watching/coaching is, in fact, a world cup game. It's not. Get a grip.

Manodedios wrote:

lojack74 wrote:

SDC wrote:

lojack74 wrote:

novasoccer15324 wrote:If you want yelling coaches on the girls side, just go to Maryland. From my experience most of the worst offenders of yelling girls coaches in northern VA have been flushed out, aged out, or moved on.

Or FCV United South. Not sure about now, but that effer would berate his players to tears and humiliation.

God, whoever made the comment about "hard nose coaching"! It's like this country isn't in the midst of the worst mental health epidemic we've ever seen, and fools like this are a large part of that problem.

Do you think maybe, just maybe it could be partially due to the lockdowns and hysteria over the last few years? Or maybe that since folks can't lose (e.g., everyone gets a trophy) these days and didn't learn how to handle rejection/loss in the little things in life and grow from that.....and somehow are expected to handle the big ones when real life comes at them?

Not sure what you're trying to address with the lockdown comment. Our current mental health crisis? That's just myopic. I know too any people that work closely with children of all ages to think that this is recent. When I've spoken to people that have moved here from abroad, the first thing they pointed out was how bad the state of our mental health is compared to most other countries they've been to/lived in.

And the whole participation trophy argument carries little weight for me with regards to my comment about hard-nosed coaching, but possibly because that's a big grey area. Today, children and parents both need to learn to cope better, yes. But that also applies to coaches; they are not immune to the need to learn to cope when things don't go their way. That in no way absolves them from berating players. At all. If coaches want kids to learn to cope with disappointment, and not getting their way, they should model it. Getting/acting furious with a player that isn't listening, or not comitting the coaches lesson to their play isn't hard-nosed coaching. That's literally acting out, and doing exactly what your comment is inferring only kids do.

In short, coaches should never, ever be a part of the problem with a kids mental health. And before someone drops the whole "well coaches are people, too, and they are going through stuff to", nope. Do we bring our own personal life issues to work and take them out on coworkers? No professional should do that. No coach should do that. No excuse for an adult to do that. We see children do that, sure, because they are children and still learning. Coaches should know better. There is just no excuse for mistreatment of players by their coaches.

There is such a ridiculously pervasive lack of perspective in youth sports, where parents and coaches alike all think they're dealing with the next great thing. If they yell a little louder, or make the kid feel a little worse for not trying harder, or for missing a shot or tackle, they can say "yup, I did that" when that kid is on a big international stage. Or they act like whatever game they’re watching/coaching is, in fact, a world cup game. It's not. Get a grip.

To your point (bolded) — it’s not really about the player at that point, right? It’s about the ego/pride of the coach or parent who wants to take the credit for creating the player, as if the player was just a bystander. You see a lot of clubs and coaches who cite the players they’ve “placed” in the pros or colleges in their bios/websites. Not ‘developed’, not ‘trained’, not ‘taught’, just took and placed somewhere, as if it is solely the handiwork of the coach.

Lasso_FC_Girls wrote:Guess I'll chime in now...

My opinion is that parents have lost the aspect they are the paying customers and given their power to the clubs instead.

If your child doesn't like a club, their are many others, no matter the level. Nobody is forcing you to stay whether a coach is abusive or butterflies and rainbows with participation trophies.

We recently moved our daughter to one of the most hated clubs on these forums and found the coaching/development to be the best we have experienced anywhere. Much less abusive coaches than two clubs we have previously experienced but if you were to come on here or Talking Soccer, you would assume the opposite.

I think each and every parent have different ideas of what abuse actually is. It's the extreme opinions from each side that ruin it for everyone, i.e. from no yelling whatsoever to the other end "toughen up and just deal with what the coach is dishing out."

For the most part, I think abusive coaches are delt with if they are getting negative feedback from parents. It's the Directors that have no checks and balances that are the problem.

brsmith wrote:How about for pre-ECNL/GA ages? There were a few references to Arlington for younger girls in the initial comments but would welcome thoughts on U10-U12 clubs and coaches.

Anonymous wrote:Just found this post, and a bit late (understatement) to the party. My daughter had her as a coach for years and yes she was tough, had favorites and treatment was dependent on how she felt about the child. She told my daughter that she would never make it in soccer, and no matter how hard my daughter worked it wasn't enough. She was known to curse at the children at the time she was 7. My daughter spent years with her, and almost gave up the sport and no more joy out of it until we left the club and then it returned. My daughter, now in her 20s, earned a full ride to a high ranking D1 school, was a National Team player who was part of the World Cup Qualifiers, and is thriving. Had my daughter taken RaeAnn's words to heart she would not have made it.
I know of many other players who have gone on professionally that have a negative story about this coach telling them that they would never make it at 7-8 years of age.
Tough love is one thing. RaeAnn was abusive and it had nothing to do with playing time.