Should/How do I list kink in online dating profile?
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baltimoreguy
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I'm a 50-year-old man stepping into online dating for the first time.
I am looking for a woman who is looking for a submissive man. This is essentially a requirement for a relationship for me and so I'm wondering how explicit to be in my profile. I'm considering 3 different approaches: 1. State it outright 2. Frame it in figurative language (and maybe some acronyms like FLR) that an experienced dominant is likely to pick up on but might pass unnoticed by others 3. Be extremely oblique/don't mention it at all In online dating, how often do you come across people that you know in real life? I worry that in a smaller city like Baltimore, particularly in my age range, it's fairly likely that someone I know will see my profile. So I guess I'm trying to thread a needle of finding someone who's looking for the same things as I am without sacrificing my privacy. Is that an impossible wish? |
Anonymous
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I think option 2. You're wasting your time and the woman's time if that is a requirement. I don't even really know what it means, but it doesn't sound like my cup of tea--and not something that's likely to come up on a first date either
Just use a pseudonyum in your online profile if there is no username. It's unlikely that anyone is going to recognize you, most people who are married and are not looking to date in your age range are not going on whatever site you're on to look. |
Anonymous
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You get on fet life and find what you want.
Or you write BDSM/Sub man seeking DOM on match or other non fetlife aps. Or,"kink friendly sub". Or whatever you call yourself. Or use ubiquitous terms like GGG. You will find what you want. You will definitely come across people who know you in real life, but they are on there too. I don't find it too weird, I mean, if its a requirement for a relationship for you, it is a big deal. If it is a big deal, I'd maybe examine why you are worried about others (who are single and also looking for love) to know you are into kink. Its quite common. |
Anonymous
| Pick a dating site where people are looking for that and state it along with other characteristics. Why are you doing something that you are concerned others will judge you on? Feel confident in yourself first. |
Anonymous
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06/07/2022 09:41 sounds like they know what they are talking about. I'm the PP who doesn't, I have no idea what any of the abbreviations either of you used mean. So basically you're trying to weed out women like me, and you should. It's a waste of time for both parties, and not fair to either.
I wouldn't be too worried about people IRL seeing you--they shouldn't care. I don't care what people I know IRL do in their private lives in that sense. GL |
Anonymous
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I'm with you.
I use figurative language. While I'm looking for the opposite, I mention that I am on the left of the slash. You could say, I'm right of the slash. Say non-vanilla. Say you're looking for an alpha woman. If you're on Fet, say you have FL profile that you will be happy to share. Mention SSC, RACK. I have most of these on my profile because I don't want to connect with someone who is also not into what I am. It's a waste of time for everyone involved. I'm in NoVA and at our age, I don't really care if someone I know sees me. Also, go to B'more Playhouse. Or the Crucible. Meeting people face to face in those clubs is one the best ways to get noticed. People may introduce you to other people and you never know what can come of it. |
Anonymous
| Normal 50-ish guy now feeling bitter about his struggle to find an LTR on the apps... |
Anonymous
Why? And what do you mean by "Normal"? Are you implying that kink isnt normal? Because I assure you, it is. Thank god for Divorce, and finding all kinds of fun things out there to experience. Shibari has become my favorite, who knew? I assure you, I'm a very successful 40 something woman, and kink is not "abnormal"/.......................in my experience, the relationships that I had with kinksters were 100% more kind, clearly communicated, and sexually safe (in terms of STD's) Than the rando loser guys on dating sites who stink at sex, get limp with condoms, and have no idea how to take care of me, sexually. |
Anonymous
| A lot of people don't use their real name on dating apps and doctor their photos. Honestly if this is what you're into a lot of people aren't going to be interested in LTR. They might but you'd only find that out from dating them and really hitting it off. Most women do not want a submissive man and aren't seeking out some specific sexual encounter. LOL. Please don't waste our time. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
Here come the public shamers. He's trying to figure out how to disclose his nature so as to not waste his or anyone else's time, and you're out here beating him up for it. He's not looking for "most women". Clearly, you're not in the kink community because there are plenty of women who like submissive men. Get over yourself. You seem like a real winner. |
Anonymous
| Definitely mention it. As a recently divorced SW, I am thinking the same thing, though I do not have any definable kinks (I don't think I do), but I am pretty open to things - and have a variety of different lovers over the years to know that there are some "normal" lovers who are rather prudish and that is not me. As a woman, I've been hesitant to post anything super-sex specific on OLD sites, but would describe myself as kink adjacent? On the edge of kink? Thoughts? |
Anonymous
Say Kink friendly. That's enough for the experienced kinksters to know you're open-minded and not a prude. |
Anonymous
I’d like to signal it more to those like me - I’m not looking for kinksters. |
Anonymous
Ugh. So judge-y! I am a woman, and I see profiles for various kinks all the time. I think it’s best to be up front. The code words PP mentions are a good option. Or sign up for Fet Life, go to a club, or find a munch. Good luck! |