Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 48 year old woman, been divorced for 5 years after almost 20 years of marriage. The first two years were the hardest I’ve ever been through. It was like I had to go through a rebirth and redefine everything I thought I knew about the direction my life was going. I had a epiphany after about the second year that I was going to be okay, I needed to trust the universe and I needed to let go of the past and start doing things that brought me joy. It was only at that point that everything turned a corner, I started feeling normal again and I regained my happiness. I haven’t lost it since. Things are amazing. I think coming to terms with the dissolution of the marriage and being able to completely let go of my XH and get over all of my anger and jealousy and negative feelings for him were the turning point. I harbor no I’ll will toward him, in fact I have no feelings at all. And I wouldn’t change my current life for anything!

What is your current life like? I am 51 divorced 4 years and still get so angry and depressed thinking about how I was raped and my dreams stolen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why anyone is surprised that a rapist was known to his victim. I'm sorry, PP. You didn't deserve what that jerk did.

I remain happily divorced from my first husband and happily married to my second. It's been...17 years. I'm 48. There was a decade there where I was solo with a kid.

Can you tell us more about your second marriage? What makes it good? Is anything hard since you have a kid? Did you second husband come to the marriage childless?

can't even imagine having to placate - forever - a full time live in lover anymore.

Anonymous wrote:57yo Male. Divorced for 4 years. My life is amazing and only getting better.

The divorce was tough - she filed and created a custody battle where there didn't need to be one. I had very much wanted to go to counseling and do whatever it took to stay together but she wanted none of that.

The first couple years after divorce I wanted NOTHING to do with a relationship. I simply lived my life and made my child the focus; HS, college plans, etc. I absolutely LOVED having financial autonomy - no more demands that I make more money, or fighting about what to do with it. The clouds had parted and the sun was shining once again!

Then I started to get the feeling that I'd like to date, so I did via a dating app. It went ok; a couple of false starts after a lot of first/last so-so dates. Then I tried a different site that was female centric (Bumble) and met an incredible woman who is slightly older than me with very similar values and attitudes. We are totally in love and very committed to each other. It's the healthiest relationship we can recall having, because we have lived through our shit, made our mistakes, and both LEARNED from them.

I never thought I'd feel this way at this point in my life. And for those that are curious, the sex is incredible; frequent, deeply connected, loving, honest, playful, and hot. We are both convinced that this is because of totally open communication and constant talking about our life and relationship.

If you feel like you need to divorce - do it! Trust me, there is a whole world of happiness out there and it's up to each person to find their own. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for almost five years. Two grown children. I don't hate my ex, we were married for 18 years and had many happy memories, especially when the kids were young. He is a great father. He was a good worker bee. He is, unfortunately, lazy and very unimaginative. Also a hoarder, a drinker and more introverted as he ages. Not a bad person, just wholly incompatible with the person I became. We lived separate lives in the same house for almost 3 years until I decided that death by a thousand cuts wasn't good for me. He would have stayed married, because he was living the life he wanted and I wasn't bothering him. His sloth and drinking and hoarding were depressing me. He retired as soon as he was eligible, and I'm not interested in retiring until my early 60s.

I lost twenty pounds, am in much better mental and physical shape and am much more active socially and in terms of travel. We are on cordial terms, and he occasionally expresses amazement that I fit so much into a day and a week. It took me forever to understand that not only was he satisfied with his life, but that my life would exhaust and intimidate him.

Summary: divorce is always unfortunate but sometimes can be not only necessary but wonderful for the spouses.

Funny. You say he was the lazy one yet you didn't drop the 20 pounds until after you split up.