DC has one close BFF, not too interested in other friendships

[Anonymous]

This is our first kid, early-ish elementary. How normal is this, including during these nearly two years of Covid? Should I be doing more to actively encourage broadening friendships?

DC has one close BFF, a wonderful close friendship. We were pod mates during last year, and they had very little in-person schooling last year. I have tried to set up other playdates and/or attended other playdates without too much interest from DC. DC does some organized activities with classmates other than BFF, but no close friendships there.

I am hoping full-time school resuming would help with contact with other kids too, in addition to this great close friendship. What is usual for kids this age?

[Anonymous]

I absolutely encourage other friendships. Things can change rapidly at this age and going forward, and it's not great to have all your eggs in one basket. Keep up the organized activities, and keep making the effort. Even if it doesn't pay off right away, you're laying the groundwork.

[Anonymous]

Covid has thrown everything off, and so everything is normal now. Your kid is fine - keep setting up new opportunities for friendships through organized activities, random playdates, etc. Eventually it'll sort itself out.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my 10 yo son. He has one very close BFF, a girl his age, she doesn't go to school with him but she lives across the street from us and they've been besties since they were 2. We were in a pod with her family during covid. Eight years later they're still joined at the hip hang out at the park every day when homework is done, have sleepovers every Friday night and even go on vacation with each other's families. There's never any arguments, they just get each other.

He has been branching out a little over the past 2 years, making friends and hanging out with other kids from activities away from school. But he still spends the vast majority of his time with Larla (and she also spends the vast majority of her time with him). I posted something similar to this as I was wondering if I should push him to branch out, then I realized I was being stupid. Our son is happy and he and Larla are very close so I don't see things changing any time soon, but If they do I'm sure our son will have no problem branching out.

Be happy your kid has found someone to be close with, he's in early elementary so he has plenty of time to branch out should things change.

[Anonymous]

It’s wonderful to have a close friend. I would try to form some other loose connections.

[Anonymous]

I have always tended to have several close one-on-one friends than being part of “friend groups” (it’s a very weird concept to me tbh). Friendship can’t be forced, but you can certainly encourage your child to be more social - how is the question these days.

[Anonymous]

My 11 yo is the same way. He has a second friend where I maintain their relationship because we are friends with mom, but is really truly fond of only one friend. It’s scary to me but I have given up trying to make him branch out.
He may or may not have to go through the pain parting with his best friend, but we were away all summer and he didn’t say he missed that friend. I think that his online activities (game chats and scratch forums, not any social media) are actually no less meaningful to him than IRL relationships. He is also part of an online book club so there is that too.
Also he is introverted.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry too much but just continue to ensure she is exposed to other kids. My kids always gravitated towards one or two "best friends" but were happy to play with others when they were there without the BFF. As long as they aren't isolating themselves, I wouldn't worry.

[Anonymous]

My son was like this and then at the start of covid his best friend moved a thousand miles away and it’s hard. They’re only 7, friends since birth. I wish I had made a bigger effort to encourage more friendships. I have seen a change in his confidence and he seems lonely a lot, but hopefully that will change now that he is back in school.

[Anonymous]

I would develop some other loose friendships. My son only had one BFF and that friend moved. He is now devastated.

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old is like that. Even though she doesn't see the BFF that often (they moved a little further out).

She forms friendships fairly easily and has kids she likes but this friend is still her "go to". When I ask her who she wants at her birthday it is just the BFF even though we hung out more with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like my 10 yo son. He has one very close BFF, a girl his age, she doesn't go to school with him but she lives across the street from us and they've been besties since they were 2. We were in a pod with her family during covid. Eight years later they're still joined at the hip hang out at the park every day when homework is done, have sleepovers every Friday night and even go on vacation with each other's families. There's never any arguments, they just get each other.

He has been branching out a little over the past 2 years, making friends and hanging out with other kids from activities away from school. But he still spends the vast majority of his time with Larla (and she also spends the vast majority of her time with him). I posted something similar to this as I was wondering if I should push him to branch out, then I realized I was being stupid. Our son is happy and he and Larla are very close so I don't see things changing any time soon, but If they do I'm sure our son will have no problem branching out.

Be happy your kid has found someone to be close with, he's in early elementary so he has plenty of time to branch out should things change.

Just wanted to say this is extremely adorable. Their friendship sounds amazing and they're both very lucky!

[Anonymous]

I think this is a very natural, common thing to come out of the pandemic. My kindergartener got VERY close to her pod mate BFF during the pandemic. They were best friends before, but now they cry and miss each other when they don't see each other regularly. I really hope these girls can be lifelong BFFs and I'm happy to encourage the friendship, but agree that it's dangerous to put all of your eggs in one basket long term. I think school and activities will help the process naturally, and it's more important to give these pandemic kids a lot of grace right now. It's been a weird 18 months for all of us, but it's been a big chunk of little kids' lives. Nothing and everything is normal right now, so if he's happy, then continue giving him opportunities to meet new friends, but don't stress.

[Anonymous]

If they're an introvert, then this is common.

[Anonymous]

My 6yo DS is like this, and I was concerned about it until I reflected on my own friendships. I always have kept a very small circle of close friends. I had a lot of acquaintances I was friendly with, but never felt like I wanted to hang out in huge groups growing up. I'm still this way now. I'm letting the close friendship ride for now and we'll take it as it comes in terms of that friendship ending down the road.