Thank you note etiquette - group gifts

[Anonymous]

So, I had a work shower almost a month ago and still haven't done all of my thank you notes!! Last night, I plowed through the notes for all the individual gifts and small group gifts but now I have thank-yous to write for two gifts that were given by about 10 colleagues each. I'm assuming I have to write an individual note to each, right? And how do I word it, "thank you for the x" or "thank you for contributing to x"??? And is it okay if the notes are repetitive and not overly personalized. Some of the people on these gifts are people I do not know too well. And it was so nice of them to participate so I really am very grateful and honored that they wanted to participate but a bit at a loss for hoew to write these notes! Baby is due in less than 2 weeks and the notes are already overdue so I have to get this done!

[Anonymous]

Yes, each person should receive a separate note, and the note should simply say "thank you for X" NOT "thank you for contributing to X." The fact is that you received a gift (X), from Persons A, B, and C, and you are grateful for the gift and want to acknowledge it. The whole gift. Not just the 1/3 of the gift that Person A paid for, for instance. Thank you notes need not be overly long or involved, but they do need to be sincere--and timely. Get to it!

[Anonymous]

Yes, the PP has it correct. I once received some group gifts from a group of 50 women - the thank you notes were painful to write, but I did them in two nights to get it over with.

[Anonymous]

For a work shower I would have just sent a group email out right away for the group gifts. But since it's been a month. . .

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened to me--a work shower where several people contributed to a couple different gifts. Everyone gets their own note (handwritten) and it can be brief. Just "thank you for x, I really appreciate your generosity and support through my pregnancy". Something like that. I found it helped to make a goal like do 10-15 notes per night, etc. Just knock it out, you'll feel better when it's done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, each person should receive a separate note, and the note should simply say "thank you for X" NOT "thank you for contributing to X." The fact is that you received a gift (X), from Persons A, B, and C, and you are grateful for the gift and want to acknowledge it. The whole gift. Not just the 1/3 of the gift that Person A paid for, for instance. Thank you notes need not be overly long or involved, but they do need to be sincere--and timely. Get to it!

Take a breath Miss Manners. Geez.

[Anonymous]

At least she has manners....

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, I know I just need to get these done this weekend. I only have about 20 left to do -- for two gifts and I've actually come up with a fair amount of different comments I can make about each gift. If I get them all out on Monday, I am still under a month from the date of the shower. Late I know, but I am hoping not too terribly unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

I always thought the rule of thumb was individual thank yous to anyone in a group fewer than 10, but even that seems like a bit much to me. Clearly there are situations sometimes where somebody buys a gift and puts in the effort and then everyone in the office signs onto it. I am a pretty big believer in thank you notes because it's so nice to get them. But I've actually never gotten an individual thank you note for an office-shower type gift where many people sign on -- it's always been a group thing. In fact, we often get group thank you notes from people at my office and we just list the people mentioned and then circulate the card. I'm pretty sure this is fairly common. Anyway, pretty sure when I was doing my thank you notes from my wedding shower I looked this up and even the sticklers say it's okay to do a group thank you under certain circumstances.

But.....maybe you shouldn't listen to me. Although I was always a huge believer in thank you notes (and still am), since having a baby, I've come to almost resent the gifts that necessitate them because writing the notes was such a chore. We got way more gifts than we could possibly ever need or use; honestly, nearly 500 gifts from colleagues and relatives. (I'm in a business that has lots of vendors and most of our vendors sent me gifts, plus my mom is one of 12, DH himself is one of 8). While it was soooooooooooo nice that so many people thought of us, I hate to say it, but as a brand new mom writing those notes (and no family in town to help me with the baby, cooking, cleaning, etc), it felt like every spare moment I had (and I had so precious few) was spent writing thank you notes when all I wanted in the four minutes I had "off" from a colicky baby was a bubble bath or some sleep. It still took me months to write them, and a few people (mostly older family members) actually called my mom / grandma to complain that I didn't thank them quickly enough.

So now when I hear about people bitching when they don't get thank you notes, or I read a "stickler" like the above poster telling you to "get to it," I think "how RIDICULOUS." Thank you notes SHOULD be written, but the whole deadline bullshit is just stupid. Write them when you can, don't make yourself sick over it. A sincere thank you note is precious even if it comes way later than it "should."

Whoa, totally just ranted all over your thread. Sorry!

Congrats on your soon-to-be new arrival!

[Anonymous]

I think if its a large work shower, an e-mail is probably ok. But if its a church-related group of older women, you probably want to do it the old fashioned way.

[Anonymous]

Huh. I'd go with one gift-one note, as much as possible. And send the notes to "legal dept" or "HR" but address the salutation individually (dear Sally, Bill and Ann). And honestly, while a thank you note is nice, I don't think I've ever noticed not getting one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. I'd go with one gift-one note, as much as possible. And send the notes to "legal dept" or "HR" but address the salutation individually (dear Sally, Bill and Ann). And honestly, while a thank you note is nice, I don't think I've ever noticed not getting one.

Not OP but had this similar issue recently (went with the individual notes after much delay and indecision). This doesn't work well because you literally end up writing,

"Dear Sue, Jane, Beth, Michelle, Lindsey, Brian, Jack, Gertrude, Stephanie, William, Josephine, and Elizabeth, ..." Handwritten, that looks ridiculous on a card. That's what tfinally made the decision for me because I didn't know how else to do it ... Good luck, OP, and I don't think a month is bad at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if its a large work shower, an e-mail is probably ok. But if its a church-related group of older women, you probably want to do it the old fashioned way.

Why do work friends deserve less?

Each person should get a card, and soon.

[Anonymous]

This is OP and the (individual) notes are ALL done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if its a large work shower, an e-mail is probably ok. But if its a church-related group of older women, you probably want to do it the old fashioned way.

Why do work friends deserve less?

Each person should get a card, and soon.

Ease up!