Maternity leave for me and nanny wants to work less

[Anonymous]

I’m on maternity leave with #3 and our nanny is making it very clear she resents I’m not taking over and relieving her early when I could. I’m staying out of her way and not making her job more difficult but if I’m around at all she starts hinting that she’d like to go for some random reason or another. In normal times she gets the kids dinner ready and cleans up from the day - now if it seems like I’m with all 3 kids she starts packing up to leave without doing these things or staying until her set leave time. I pay her for her full hours (and she clearly expects that) so I want life to be easier - I want her to continue getting the kids dinner ready and picking up and being a helping hand until her set leave time. I don’t know when the 2wk old will need to eat so just bc ive seem to “have it” for a bit, doesn’t mean I want to take over everything for the rest of the day. Suggestions on how to make this clear? I feel like we were both extremely accommodating of each other during covid (she continued coming when she could have said she was too nervous too - i have her tons and tons of extra pto for random reasons and never once questioned it) and we haven’t shifted back to a more equitable / stable dynamic

Also before anyone says my being around is making her job harder - it’s not and we have talked about it. When I have all 3, I really do, I just want her to stay around until her paid until time so she can take care of the other kid related tasks and be backup if baby goes to hell

[Anonymous]

A - I understand you want her to work her full-schedule as it was before

B - If you just added a newborn to the schedule, when she was previously only working with 2, then she has a point. Her workload has increased with the baby while still working the same hours.

C - Did you give her a 30% pay increase for the new baby, lighter hours, or hire a second nanny for the two-week newborn?

You can't expect her to work the same hours for the same pay but increase the workload without re-negotiating either hours or pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A - I understand you want her to work her full-schedule as it was before

B - If you just added a newborn to the schedule, when she was previously only working with 2, then she has a point. Her workload has increased with the baby while still working the same hours.

C - Did you give her a 30% pay increase for the new baby, lighter hours, or hire a second nanny for the two-week newborn?

You can't expect her to work the same hours for the same pay but increase the workload without re-negotiating either hours or pay.

I’m 100% in charge of all things with the baby (he’s 2 weeks old - I’ll be on maternity leave for another 10weeks) including laundry / cleaning any pump parts etc. she has only held him to meet him or when she’s asked to during other kids nap time bc she loves newborns. we talked about discussing her pay increase / additional help closer to when I go back to work. But take it as fact that she has picked up no additional work due to the baby.

[Anonymous]

Ok then she def needs to work her full hours. Just stay in your room with the baby from 3-5 or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Keep out of sight the last part of the day and appear 10 minutes before her departure time.

[Anonymous]

Spend from 3-5 exploring other nanny options?

[Anonymous]

Like PPs, I would disappear with the newborn into your bedroom. Make it your daily skin-to-skin snuggle window.

[Anonymous]

You and a newborn in the house is undoubtedly a huge distraction and drain on both nanny and the older kids. I bet she is just exhausted. When our second baby was born my toddler was physically on nanny from the moment she arrived and never let her sit down without sitting on her. Toddler stopped playing alone and had to have nanny with him. We joked that he was staking out his territory!

My point being that the mere presence of a new baby can throw older kids into a tizzy. Be understanding and let her go early when you can and explain why you can’t when you can’t. Basically talk to your nanny.

[Anonymous]

"I wanted to check in with you about the schedule. We were still wanting you to work the same hours, but were you looking to change that and work fewer, so that you could leave early?"

Note: "check in with" does not mean "this is okay with me." it's the opening to a conversation. if she says she does want to work fewer hours, then you can talk about how that changes the paycheck (if it works for you), or you can sort out what it means for you when it does not work for you.