PHONES - When?

[Anonymous]

at what age to give your kid a phone?

I see so many families give phones really early on (some even in pre-K)

I think it’s not good for child development. Any yes, I can think that, because I’m free to think whatever I want. And I can also make judgments, because I can.

I think maybe, depending on the child middle school/high school is the right time, mostly for check in purposes, but technology addiction is real.

How late is too late so you don’t make your kid an outcast?

[Anonymous]

If you’re already defensive about being called judgy maybe this is not a topic to crowd-source.

I got my kid a phone in pre-K because she also had an au pair/was often picked up by grandparents and I wanted a direct line to reach her. She’s now in 3rd grade and is still meh on phones, she’d rather use an iPad. But I’m sure someone as anti technology addiction as you doesn’t let your kid use an iPad.

[Anonymous]

A phone is not going to prevent any kid from being able outcast. By middle school, they should have a way to message friends, but it doesn’t have to be a phone that they can carry with them everywhere. The addiction issue is real. I’m seeing parents of my kid’s friends (8th graders) struggle to get a handle on their kids’ phone usage (one got her phone in 2nd grade and her screen time report averages 12 hours a day.)

[Anonymous]

Both my kids got phones in 5th grade. One due to bus issues and one due to…the pandemic. Sigh. I’m with you on I don’t love the addiction piece, but you don’t have to give them a smart phone with access to safari and YouTube and a millions games, you can lock that down and put parent and time controls on it. You can also require the phone to be in your room at night (soooo many of my kids friends are texting past midnight). You can monitor their texts and not allow social media.

I would say middle school kids use their phones now to meet up and are less likely to say “mom can you text larla’s mom to see if larla can meet us at the park?” If she can directly text 3 other kids. Also it’s nice when my kids have plan changes “oh this new club is meeting after school I’ll be taking the activity bus home” so you know their timing.

There are benefits and downsides to kids with phones, but you can do it in a slower more thoughtful way.

[Anonymous]

Depends what you mean by a phone. My 9yo has had my old android since she was 7. It doesn’t have a phone number attached to it though. She can talk to friends thru the kids messenger app, or me if I’m at work. And watched videos on it. It only works with WiFi. It’s no different than a tablet except it’s smaller. As for a real phone, probably 11 when she starts MS.

[Anonymous]

It is not something you need to decide in advance. Wait till you see that it is something that would be useful to him and you. Is he needing to borrow other kids phones to text you for a pick up and general communicate? Is he getting texts on your phone about meet ups? That is when it is time to get a phone. Might be 5th grade. Might be 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not something you need to decide in advance. Wait till you see that it is something that would be useful to him and you. Is he needing to borrow other kids phones to text you for a pick up and general communicate? Is he getting texts on your phone about meet ups? That is when it is time to get a phone. Might be 5th grade. Might be 8th.

Exactly this. When it makes sense to buy one, we’ll buy one. I’m not setting an age ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re already defensive about being called judgy maybe this is not a topic to crowd-source.

I got my kid a phone in pre-K because she also had an au pair/was often picked up by grandparents and I wanted a direct line to reach her. She’s now in 3rd grade and is still meh on phones, she’d rather use an iPad. But I’m sure someone as anti technology addiction as you doesn’t let your kid use an iPad.

I’m not defensive about being called judgy. Please call me that! Feel free to.

I didn’t know parents were supposed to foster addictions in their children. Must be the new woke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends what you mean by a phone. My 9yo has had my old android since she was 7. It doesn’t have a phone number attached to it though. She can talk to friends thru the kids messenger app, or me if I’m at work. And watched videos on it. It only works with WiFi. It’s no different than a tablet except it’s smaller. As for a real phone, probably 11 when she starts MS.

Thanks. Yes. That’s definitely not a phone.

But a real phone is harder to deal with I think.

[Anonymous]

Phone: middle school
Smart phone: 18 when they pay for it themselves

A smart phone is unfettered access to the internet whether you think you’re savvy or not. Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

DS will be 14 soon. He will get a phone for his birthday. Now he has started to hang out with friends without an adult and do things without us for more than a couple of hours. He really didn't need it before now. I want him to be able to contact us without needing to borrow a phone or go to the school office to call. As a PP mentioned, DS already has unfettered access to the internet on the family laptop. I can see where he goes and I check often. He will only be able to access apps that I allow. I have no issues taking a device if my kids don't behave and aren't responsible with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS will be 14 soon. He will get a phone for his birthday. Now he has started to hang out with friends without an adult and do things without us for more than a couple of hours. He really didn't need it before now. I want him to be able to contact us without needing to borrow a phone or go to the school office to call. As a PP mentioned, DS already has unfettered access to the internet on the family laptop. I can see where he goes and I check often. He will only be able to access apps that I allow. I have no issues taking a device if my kids don't behave and aren't responsible with them.

That’s what I thought initially, that I’d be able to keep tabs on them. But they are very crafty. They learn from friends. I personally can’t keep up with the technology. It’s a full time job, m top of my regular job, my parent job, my spousal job, etc. and it constantly keeps changing.

[Anonymous]

I was planning to hold out longer but I caved in 6th grade because there were so many group chats that taking place in iMessage. My older kid tends to be a wallflower anyway and I didn't want to further handicap him. He is in 8th now and there have been very few problems.

The little one has been asking for a phone since she could talk, I swear. I'm holding off til 6th for her but I anticipate the phone thing could be bumpier with this one.

[Anonymous]

I promised my 6th grader a phone, because starting this year, her extra-curriculars sometimes change locations and she would have needed to communicate that to me. However, we are moving, and she will be in virtual, so I will explain it's best if we delay the phone. She already has an iPad to communicate with friends, so I think she'll understand.

[Anonymous]

Our kids got a phone with unlimited talk and text (no data, even with wifi) in 6th grade. Told them if straight As in 7th grade, they could have a smart phone in 8th. All 3 got straight As in 7th and well beyond, and all 3 got smart phones in 8th.