Middle child not overlooked

[Anonymous]

If you are one of 3 and didn’t feel overlooked as a middle child, why? I have 3, all the same gender, and I want to make sure my middle feels just as special as my youngest and oldest.

[Anonymous]

I’m a middle child and never felt overlooked. I did become a total people-pleaser, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve become less so. Still really nice, though.

[Anonymous]

My parents were so obsessed over this concern because of some myth surrounding it, that the middle child in our family was favored beyond belief. To a level that it caused a huge amount of resentment well into adulthood and to this day--even after that sibling has died. Be careful OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm a middle child who felt overlooked and it wasn't true. It's more a function of personality - I have an overdeveloped sense of fairness and had a bit of a martyr complex as a kid. If it helps, I believed with absolute 1000000% certainty that my mom loved my brother and sister more than me as a kid and could cite to a running list of examples that I nurtured in my head to prove it, but as an adult I look back on it and laugh. It didn't ruin my relationship with my siblings or my parents because I grew out of it by late high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle child who felt overlooked and it wasn't true. It's more a function of personality - I have an overdeveloped sense of fairness and had a bit of a martyr complex as a kid. If it helps, I believed with absolute 1000000% certainty that my mom loved my brother and sister more than me as a kid and could cite to a running list of examples that I nurtured in my head to prove it, but as an adult I look back on it and laugh. It didn't ruin my relationship with my siblings or my parents because I grew out of it by late high school.

My DH is a bit like this. In reality, I think he is his moms favorite but has such an overdeveloped sense of fairness that he has somewhat of a persecution complex. Still has a good relationship with his family, though

[Anonymous]

I’m a middle child who was overlooked. Example: when I stated middle school, the school was twice as far to walk as my elementary school. My dad told me to ride my bike. I pointed out I did not have a bike. He was surprised to learn this. I explained I’d never had a bike and did not actually know how to ride one. “How could you not know how to ride a bike?! You’re 11!” But… no one had ever bothered to try to teach me, plus I had no bike to ride.

My childhood is full of stories like this. So I would make sure you don’t just assume your middle child is being patented by osmosis, which is what my parents did.

[Anonymous]

^ parented

[Anonymous]

I was a middle child (in a family of 4). Never felt overlooked. My mom always made it a point to spend 1 on 1 time with each of us. My parents were also very physically affectionate and that was important to me.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think we overlook our middle kid, but I think it helps that he has really specific and well defined interests. My oldest will try anything but doesn’t have a topic or activity that he really loves. My middle one has had a deep interest in one topic since he was little and it has become an organizing principle for the things he joins and tries and I suspect for his future career path.

[Anonymous]

Another middle child here, definitely overlooked. It was a function of the dynamic in our family. First child was a handful. By the time I came along and was old enough to witness, I just wanted to survive the constant head butting between them. Then youngest came along and he was not having any of the wallflower business. He was all about Notice me, and by then they were ready for another kid and happy to notice him. The dynamic continues to play out today.

I think it is the personalities involved more than parents consciously trying to overlook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think we overlook our middle kid, but I think it helps that he has really specific and well defined interests. My oldest will try anything but doesn’t have a topic or activity that he really loves. My middle one has had a deep interest in one topic since he was little and it has become an organizing principle for the things he joins and tries and I suspect for his future career path.

I find that many kids develop in contrast to what they see as "bad" in an older sibling. It makes sense to me that all of the place kid inspires young kid to be organized and focused.

[Anonymous]

The middle child (of 3) in our family was the only boy - for three generations on one side of the family. He was the favorite. I was the youngest and usually Ok with it. I didn’t have to deal with being the oldest or the favorite middle. I was under the radar and got a lot more freedom that way.

I think kids should be parented differently by the same parents because kids are different. Fair =\= the same.

[Anonymous]

Middle child here. When we were young, I think my sibs and I all felt that each of us was the neglected one and the others got more attention. As adults, we think *we* were the ones who got the attention while the other two got shortchanged. Who knows the real truth?! ~shrug~

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a middle child and never felt overlooked. I did become a total people-pleaser, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve become less so. Still really nice, though.

+1. I actually feel really lucky I was a middle child, like I got to learn early how to see the world from different perspectives being older than one sibling and younger than the other. Sure, I felt grumpy sometimes as a kid when I thought one or the other sibling was getting favored attention but as others have said, looking back I realize how silly I was. And learning that I wasn't the center of the world was also a great thing in the long run. OP, the fact that you're even thinking about this means that you're probably going to do just fine as a parent. Don't overthink it, it's all good.

[Anonymous]

I have three children, all adults now. Dh is a middle child and had this concern, so we tried our best to treat everyone fairly and give each child an equal amount of attention. The result? All three children think that one of the other siblings was favored over the other two. Each of them named a different sibling! I guess is all depends on the perspective. We did our best.