Does your middle schooler love/hate school?

[Anonymous]

I have a 7th grade son who claims to hate his private school, which goes through 12th. He gets stellar grades, is involved in extracurricular activities, and has friends. The school admin tells me that it is pretty typical for middle schoolers to complain about everything and to ride it out, though we think some of his beefs (which I'd rather not detail so as not to identify the school) are justified, at least as to him. My question is, have other people experienced this as typical in middle school, or do most middle schoolers really love their schools? Should we devote the time and resources to applying out next year? As parents we are reasonably happy with the school, and if DC were happy, we would not look elsewhere. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

My eighth grader is in a hate everything mode. Wants to change schools, wants to quit a long-time outside activity, can't decide on camps, etc. The negativity is a drag. We're staying at our school and reassessing in the fall.

Does your child have specific complaints about school? Is it too small? If he came from public, does he miss public? Mine does!

[Anonymous]

I'd take it seriously. Though I'd also ask myself whether I thought his grievances were such that they'd disappear in some other middle school environment -- e.g. does he hate school, adolescence, adolescents, schools full of adolescents, etc. or does he hate something specific that could/would be different elsewhere?

FWIW, my 6th grade daughter loves her school, really likes most of her teachers, but isn't always crazy about the curriculum this year. Her friend, judging both from what their parents say and what I see/hear from them, generally seem pretty content (including kids who bitched a lot about 5th grade). But one (male) friend seems to fall anywhere from grouchy to miserable on the happiness scale, depending on the day. In his case, I think it's more age- and personality-specific than school-specific. That said, I think (drawing on memory!!) lots of kids (boys?) that age are like that. I tend to give DC's school a lot of credit for having such a happy MS because I expected more angst at that age.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's alot going on here and it's not just one thing. You will need to really dig and ask a lot of questions. There is the teenage moodiness thing happening which might be all of it. Your child could also be bored being at the school for so long and seeing the same people, as another possible example. There could also be more serious issues such as bullying.

When ours came home in 6th grade complaining, we asked lots of questions and got some really good answers. We really understood where he was coming from. Changed schools and he now loves it.

Sit down with your child and get some real answers as to why it is not working. Even something as simple as asking "Would you want to change schools?" may evoke a simple "no" which will tell you it's not as bad as you think.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Is there a school that you see as a better fit based on his grips? Obviously it's too late for next year but maybe look around in the fall like us. (I'm 17:22.)

[Anonymous]

Hang in there OP - Middle School can be a really tough time for lots of reasons. Even though my DC seems to really love school and has lots of friends, there is still the occasional "school sucks" outburst - with boys especially, I think this is pretty normal.

Try asking a few casual questions the next time he says anything negative - you may not get to the bottom of what is really bothering him at first, but at least you can start the dialogue and show him you are listening.

Lots of kids have a tough time dealing with the increased workload too - my DC definitely wishes that there was more free time and is SO happy to have down time. The kids in my carpool complain about the work all of the time - sometimes I think they complain just to be cool. They all seem to have moments of "doom and gloom" - so what you are describing sounds pretty normal, but keep asking questions (the more low key the better) and see if things get better over the summer.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the quick feedback. Good advice all around.

[Anonymous]

I believe it is important to trust your child and be responsive. If he hates his school, why not consider a change? Kids don't have the power to make decisions, like adults have, they depend on their parents to listen to them and act on their behalf. I try to put myself into a child's place in situations like this and see how I would feel if I had to stay in a place that makes me miserable. I find it very sad when kids concerns are dismissed.

[Anonymous]

I agree that I would ask some more specific questions, just to make sure there's not a bullying issue or some other more serious situation. Also, it's not too late to apply to some schools for next year, schools with rolling admissions so you're not necessarily "stuck" for next year if he truly is just unhappy. However, middle school is a time of general dissatisfaction with life which is why most of us would never repeat it!

[Anonymous]

what if they complain a lot but are always smiling at pick up, hanging with good friends? Also making excellent grades (boy, 6th). isn't this just a real tedious time of year for them?

[Anonymous]

Ask your child's teachers if it's normal. If it is, you can ride it out. Remember that our parents used to talk about kids "going through a phase." This is one of them.

If it's not, talk to your school's counselor and ask about resources. I wouldn't ignore it, but don't overreact to normal adolescent ennui either.

[Anonymous]

Middle school is a terrible time for a lot of kids. School people thought it would help to not call it "junior high" and to call it "middle school" instead...as though changing the semantics would help. It's kind of like people changing "telephone sales" to "telemarketing"...people still hate it.

It is possible your son is being bullied or something like that...if not...it's pretty normal for young teenagers to not like all of the changes they are going through and the uncertainty of everything they thought was certain. Maybe try some new activities or have dad take him out for a walk or run....something else could be going on.