Best place for healthy 73-year-old, active dad who wants more socialization and meals?

[Anonymous]

My mom died last year. My dad lives alone in their (huge, empty, lonely) house. He has many friends but he has to drive to them, or they drive to him. Or he drives to our house, then is afraid to drive in the dark.
He is finding it hard to keep up with the house, but he loves where he lives...He is overall active/healthy but has typical problems of a man of his age (can be forgetful, wears a hearing aid in one ear)...

He needs:
1. A smaller, more compact home that "looks" like his home
2. Easy access to meals/dining (ie, dining every night, a clubhouse - otherwise we either will feed him or else he eats junk food/dinner out)
3. Easy access to seminars, exhibits, etc (he is a former professor, loves to read)
4. Someone to help with housekeeping
5. Some sort of structure around medical appts -- as in, someone he could ask if his hearing aid isn't working right, blood pressure feels low, etc.

Here's the thing -- sounds like a retirement village would be good. However, I think he would also need more help as he gets older -- he has dementia/Alzheimer's in his family and is already a bit forgetful (not in danger of hurting himself, but both his parents died of Alz. as did his brother...I can see the writing on the wall).

If this were your dad, what would you suggest? What "type" of home/community?

[Anonymous]

CCRC. Check out Ingleside King Farm. My father is SO darn happy there after my mom died in 2019. He bought into an apartment, gets dinner everyday, can do all kinds of things, and has access to all levels of care until he dies.

[Anonymous]

Was he an officer in the armed forces or did he retire from the Federal government a GS14 or above?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was he an officer in the armed forces or did he retire from the Federal government a GS14 or above?

Yes, he did (Fed govt).

[Anonymous]

A continuing care retirement community, so he can be in independent living now but get a higher level of care when he needs it.

Is he in this area, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he an officer in the armed forces or did he retire from the Federal government a GS14 or above?

Yes, he did (Fed govt).

where does he currently live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he an officer in the armed forces or did he retire from the Federal government a GS14 or above?

Yes, he did (Fed govt).

If he lives in north Arlington or McLean, I would suggest looking at Vinson Hall. Our older widowed neighbor moved there and loves it.

[Anonymous]

72 is too young for a CCRC. Try just a 55+ community. He can buy housecleaning like anyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:72 is too young for a CCRC. Try just a 55+ community. He can buy housecleaning like anyone does.

I disagree and I am 60. If one waits too long into a CCRC, one will not want to make the move.

[Anonymous]

I think if he needs some help now, there's a lot to be said for moving once and having the chance to make friends in his new location. In his 70s, if he does a major upheaval and moves, he'll only have to move again later when the change will be even more disorienting.

[Anonymous]

Agree with CCRC. My parents are at ingleside in dc (there’s another one in MD) and they love it. They moved in young, too. For them, the relief of not having to take care of a home or having to cook for themselves if they choose not to plus having a huge community within their cohort is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom died last year. My dad lives alone in their (huge, empty, lonely) house. He has many friends but he has to drive to them, or they drive to him. Or he drives to our house, then is afraid to drive in the dark.
He is finding it hard to keep up with the house, but he loves where he lives...He is overall active/healthy but has typical problems of a man of his age (can be forgetful, wears a hearing aid in one ear)...

He needs:
1. A smaller, more compact home that "looks" like his home
2. Easy access to meals/dining (ie, dining every night, a clubhouse - otherwise we either will feed him or else he eats junk food/dinner out)
3. Easy access to seminars, exhibits, etc (he is a former professor, loves to read)
4. Someone to help with housekeeping
5. Some sort of structure around medical appts -- as in, someone he could ask if his hearing aid isn't working right, blood pressure feels low, etc.

Here's the thing -- sounds like a retirement village would be good. However, I think he would also need more help as he gets older -- he has dementia/Alzheimer's in his family and is already a bit forgetful (not in danger of hurting himself, but both his parents died of Alz. as did his brother...I can see the writing on the wall).

If this were your dad, what would you suggest? What "type" of home/community?

Agree with those who suggest taking a look at Ingleside or similar communities. Also, just want to say that you're a good daughter -- thoughtful, attentive, observant and clear-eyed. Best of luck to you and your dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:72 is too young for a CCRC. Try just a 55+ community. He can buy housecleaning like anyone does.

I disagree and I am 60. If one waits too long into a CCRC, one will not want to make the move.

This. 70s is the right age, some people move.into the houses when they are in their 60s. My parents waited too late--you get preference for the assisted living and nursing facilities is you move there while in decent health. Once you start declining, it's hard to buy into most CCRC.

[Anonymous]

I would just say that if your dad needs assisted living or nursing home care later, he can get it then (assuming he can afford it). If you find something that works well for now, I would not worry about whether it has an assisted living option. Good luck - your dad sounds like such a sweet guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:72 is too young for a CCRC. Try just a 55+ community. He can buy housecleaning like anyone does.

I disagree and I am 60. If one waits too long into a CCRC, one will not want to make the move.

This. 70s is the right age, some people move.into the houses when they are in their 60s. My parents waited too late--you get preference for the assisted living and nursing facilities is you move there while in decent health. Once you start declining, it's hard to buy into most CCRC.

I am 64 and my parents live in one. No. Way, way too young at 72. Mean entry for one if these places is 80/85+, and I've seen several. If you are 60 and think this is appropriate, I can't imagine why or what the heck you would do there. Who would you befriend, the children of your neighbors?