Words of advice on how to cope with small flat

[Anonymous]

Here I am in a one bedroom apartment with my preschooler, DH and new baby, due in 6 weeks.

We have been looking at houses for a year, and DH always thinks the ratio price/quality is never good enough. All our bids have failed for this reason. The more people (family, friends, agents, higher bidders) signal to him that this is the market price in this area, the more he maintains that prices will eventually come down in a few months. He has been saying "in a few months" for a year. I believe prices will never come down more than they have already in the neighborhoods we are looking at.

I stay at home, and actually have to live in this dump. Thank goodness, DH has started doing a satisfactory share of house-cleaning, otherwise I would already have gone round the bend.

But now it not enough. The baby will be a cute little shrimp when she comes, it is the baby's STUFF that is starting to eat up all the little space we had - a crib, a car seat, extra baby clothes and diapers, not things I can really do without!

This space encroachment is making me anxious and unhappy. I told DH I had no particular wish to move before the birth (too little time now), but I would feel so much better if we actually signed on a house as soon as possible, just to have proof in my mind that we could soon escape from here!

I want to birth my second child relaxed and happy, not stressed out about living here indefinitely, and certainly not in a state of perpetual frustration at DH because of his failure to commit on buying a house.

Any words of comfort or practical tips? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Give him an ultimatum. if he hasn't bought a house by x date then you move to a larger rental.

[Anonymous]

Oh that's a lot of people in a small space. Especially with the rainy spring weather that seems to have arrived....

Have you sat down with DH when you're calm and told him how you feel? Have you worked out the logistics of who is sleeping/living where when #2 arrives? How long does he think you can stay in your current apartment (vs. when does he think he'll be satisfied that he's buying at the bottom of the market)? Is he finding fault with the houses or just the prices? And if it's the prices, have you put in ANY offers, even low ones? And if you can't get anywhere with those questions, when is the deadline for moving to a larger apartment and, obviously, signing a new lease? Not your ideal situation, I believe, but at least it will show him that you really need more space or you (and the preschooler) will go batty.

Is he going to take some time off after the baby is born? Maybe a week or so of tripping over everyone nonstop will help him see the light and realize that the time to buy is now.

[Anonymous]

i live in a small 2 bedroom apartment and can relate to your frustration. i try to remember how many people around the world are living in one room shacks with much larger families than mine. but sometimes i just want more space!

is your husband open to renting a bigger place? if so that might be a decent compromise in the meantime. i don't think it is necessarily a good idea to buy a house with someone who isn't interested in doing that. it's a huge commitment and if your husband doesn't want to do it then that could create a whole other set of issues between you.

as for what i have found helpful with two kids in a small space, these are probably obvious but...
-cosleeping with our baby
-getting out a lot during the day
-having kids nap in the car while on the go (i find that when they sleep at home during the day they wake each other up more)
-spending time at the houses of friends and family members to enjoy a more spacious environment
-trying to limit the baby gear to absolute necessities and to give away anything we aren't using regularly

i wish you the best of luck!

[Anonymous]

OP we rent and as soon as baby comes we're moving to a bigger apt in the same building. Why don't you suggest a small move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP we rent and as soon as baby comes we're moving to a bigger apt in the same building. Why don't you suggest a small move?

Why not before the baby comes? Just curious. We just had to move, about 3 wks before the baby is expected, and it was not like moving furniture and other big stuff...still I found it stressful, and with the baby...I don't know if I could survive that

[Anonymous]

all bcoz terms of our lease unfortunatelly we can't afford
to do what will be less stressful. anyway i've been packing while nesting and all our furniture will be sold by then so well only have to move boxes. it's from 1bed to 2 bed so there's not too much to move anyway. for the new home all well have is bed dresser couch and tv stand. baby won't have a nursery so I'm guessing it's not that hard

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same situation. We're in a one bedroom with our 20 month old. Our second one is due in August. We thought we'd move out sooner (like a year ago), but we've been hoping for real estate market to come down even further. We've been aggressively house hunting the last couple months, and we just can't find anything we like enough to pay the top $$ to purchase a home. After talking to lenders, we feel more confident that this isn't the bottom of the market. One lady at Suntrust who has been there for 20 years says it's been a really long time since she's seen this many short sales and she says the banks are holding a lot of foreclosures back from flooding the market. We've been looking at N. Arlington and Mclean (where home prices haven't dropped like Centreville or Leesburg), and we're definitely seeing more short sales. That fact is the only thing that keeps me sane in our one bedroom apt. I think if we hold out a little longer, we can find a house we love for the right price. We plan to stay in the house for many years, so it's important to us to find the right house.

[Anonymous]

I am PP who asked why not move before baby comes. Good luck, PP who moves after! It is manageable, I am just a control freak who would not let DH pack because "he will mess everything up".

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all your comments! I was in such a funk this morning...
And 15:34, I wish you the best of luck!

We are in the Bethesda/Silver Spring area, and DH says the same thing - that prices have to come down, foreclosures are going to flood the market soon, etc... But I dream of a house in the Bethesda downtown - DC1 already goes to school there, DH works there, it makes sense!
But in our modest price range there is practically nothing, and even if there was, DH would look at a similar house in Silver Spring and say: "Do you realize how much we are going to overpay this house?!" He does have a point, but I would like to walk to school instead of bundling 2 screaming kids into the car every morning and afternoon in a huge rush. And DH could walk to work too! I think that makes a big difference in quality of life.

I agree with PPs that say either buy a house or move into a 2 bedroom. DH would hate the 2-bedroom rental price, maybe that would persuade him. After he trips on everyone and everything during his week of paternal leave, of course, as another PP suggested...