Food battles

[Anonymous]

I did not intend to be this mom. I read Ellyn Satter and try to follow the "parents decide what to serve, kids decode how much to eat" mantra. And for a while, that seemed to work fine. Served a good variety of foods and early on both my kids ate almost anything. Even when they started becoming progressively more picky around age 2, they would consistently eat breakfast and daycare-provided lunch, so I didn't really sweat it when they turned up their nose at dinner. After the covid closures daycare did not return to providing lunch and now my oldest is starting school anyway (and reportedly whatever the schools are serving these days is gross). Being on the hook for now providing lunch is driving me crazy because they whine incessantly about it. The younger one went with the flow for a while but took his older brother's lead and complains too. Most of the time they ask at breakfast what I packed for lunch and unless it's sunbuter/jelly, they complain. DS flipped a lid when I sent a tuna wrap and he used to eat fish happily. If I hear one more time that "Larlo brings candy every day" I'm going to scream. And they still don't eat much for dinner and whine about that too.

Anyway, I find myself being sucked into food battles more and more and need a reset. I don't want to cave and send only what I know they 100% like (e.g., sunbutter and jelly) but I don't want to waste a ton of food and have them be cranky because they didn't eat enough. How do you find that balance?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? Possible for them to take the lead on packing their own lunches?

[Anonymous]

Big picture: eating a sun butter and jelly sandwich every single day is fine! Throw in a piece of fruit and veggie (maybe that they choose?) and be done. Don’t worry about it too much.

(Said from a crazy food type!)

[Anonymous]

Do they not eat it and become cranky, or is this just a concern at this point?

[Anonymous]

My older picky eater eats like five foods. I refuse to engage in a battle of wills. So, I serve her the healthiest version of those five foods I can find and that's it. She can take it or leave it. Baring special needs your kid will eat. And like a pp said, they can live on sunbutter just fine. Kids are pretty resilient .

[Anonymous]

Go with sunbutter and jelly. I was your kid (except back in the era when they let peanut butter into schools) and I grew up to be an adventurous eater by middle and high school, but I still did (and often still do) like PB&J for lunch.

Add fruit or cut up veg and they'll be fine. It's not worth the headache for you to have to fight about it every day.

[Anonymous]

Send smaller amounts of the less popular foods if necessary, but don’t stop exposing them. It will just encourage pickiness. Don’t think of it as waste, it’s an investment in developing their eating habits. It’s also your responsibility as parent. One piece of broccoli if needed. Not wasting much but still offering opportunity.

Send one popular food, one or two neutral, and one more challenging.

Consider offering same items from lunch as snack so they don’t skip lunch and load up on snack.

They can complain but that doesn’t need to mean a battle. Just validate. Oh, I know, it can be disappointing when the food you want isn’t packed. I know you love sun butter and jelly. The next time we’ll have it is tomorrow/Wednesday/ whatever. And move on.

They will stop complaining over time if they always get the same response and it doesn’t work.

And make extra sure you are not inadvertently letting your opinions show that you want them to eat more of X and less of Y.

They’re getting older so sit down on sundays and ask them for lunch/dinner ideas. Sprinkle their five or six ideas throughout the week. Clip seven recipes and have them rank their favorites. Etc etc.

Trust the process!

[Anonymous]

Just pack the Sunbutter and jelly. Throw in a cheese stick, a piece of fruit and whatever raw veggies they will eat. Do Satter (you decide what to serve, they decide how much to eat) at dinner. Millions of adults ate (and some still eat) the same lunch every day as kids.

I ate a turkey ham sandwich every day for lunch from 2nd to 8th grade. I gag at turkey ham now. At 43, I am literally up for trying anything at least once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just pack the Sunbutter and jelly. Throw in a cheese stick, a piece of fruit and whatever raw veggies they will eat. Do Satter (you decide what to serve, they decide how much to eat) at dinner. Millions of adults ate (and some still eat) the same lunch every day as kids.

I ate a turkey ham sandwich every day for lunch from 2nd to 8th grade. I gag at turkey ham now. At 43, I am literally up for trying anything at least once.

PS - my kids (10 and 11) get into a lunch rut sometimes, too. And I just send what they want, and always have.

I hold the line at dinner. I’m sure getting to pick lunch (within reason) helps with dinner, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for sunbutter sandwich and fruit/veggie!

When they say how Larlo brings candy everyday, you can blandly say 'that's nice dear, we're not doing that'.

My kids have tended to like simple, repetitive lunches. I see ads for fancy bento boxes with all sorts of different food arranged artfully into it, and I'm like, my kids just want a pbj and strawberries and maybe a cheese stick. I would literally be wasting my time packing a fancy bento box! (don't get me wrong, I'm all for resuable containers, frankly I just use wax paper in a resuable lunch bag.)

[Anonymous]

Try to choose a low-sugar jelly and maybe a whole grain bread and then send sun butter with confidence that it’s a perfectly nutritious option. My sister ate tuna for lunch l, per family legend, daily for six months.

[Anonymous]

No one should send tuna salad to school.

But other than that, I'd just keep doing what you're doing. If they're hungry, they'll eat.

[Anonymous]

Do you pack dessert? If not, that might be triggering tbe "Larlo gets candy" for lunch.

[Anonymous]

I totally get your frustration, but here’s my suggestion: pack the sun butter and jelly for lunch every day if that’s what they want. They are asking for it and you know they will consistently eat it. Why change what is clearly working? Include healthy sides and instead of candy, you can easily add a treat like a low sugar chocolate chip granola bar or ranch flavored veggie straws.

Use breakfast and dinner as opportunities to expand their diets and try different foods.

[Anonymous]

My kid takes sunbutter/jelly most days. She likes it, it’s easy to make, it’s relatively healthy. I change up the fruits/veg that go with it. I also send some sort of cracker or chips as well and that changes up. My kid is not picky but if something is working I don’t see the need to fix it. Pick your battles, lunch doesn’t need to be one.