Families with 3+ kids

[Anonymous]

Do you still get invited over to places? Or do you find yourself being excluded from get togethers, specifically overnight things, with friends? I saw on social media the other day that a bunch of friends got together at a lake house and I wasn't invited. I am not really that put out but it did make me think that most likely I/we weren't invited because we have 3 kids. The hosts have two kids and there was one other kid there. Everybody else there didn't have kids.

[Anonymous]

It may just be a question of numbers.. you are a family of 5 and they could invite 2 families instead one couple and another plus a kid. I'm guessing you are not close friends of the hosts. Do you have any close friends in that group? Perhaps you could book an overnight and invite those friends over.

[Anonymous]

Of course we get invited places! Why wouldn't we? My kids are polite, offer to help, clean up after themselves, and inclusive. We get invited places as a family all the time.

Maybe they just don't like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may just be a question of numbers.. you are a family of 5 and they could invite 2 families instead one couple and another plus a kid. I'm guessing you are not close friends of the hosts. Do you have any close friends in that group? Perhaps you could book an overnight and invite those friends over.

OP here - yes I would consider us close friends with the host but perhaps that is just a one sided feeling. I am close friends with a number of the people in the group who went (I thought at least).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course we get invited places! Why wouldn't we? My kids are polite, offer to help, clean up after themselves, and inclusive. We get invited places as a family all the time.

Maybe they just don't like you.

OP - thanks that was helpful. And yes my kids are polite but they are young (1, 3 and 5) so need a lot of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course we get invited places! Why wouldn't we? My kids are polite, offer to help, clean up after themselves, and inclusive. We get invited places as a family all the time.

Maybe they just don't like you.

OP - thanks that was helpful. And yes my kids are polite but they are young (1, 3 and 5) so need a lot of help.

Are the other kids older? We have a 4 and 7 year old. I probably would not invite a 1 year old who still naps on a vacation with us.

[Anonymous]

Are the host's kids same age as yours? If they are, you're not considered as "close friend" in their eyes.

[Anonymous]

It could just be a numbers/space issue. Do your kids make the age gap between kids bigger? We vacation with friends with kids within 2-3 years of ours, but then once you get to upper elementary the big kids need their own space and can't cram into one kid room (bunk beds and air mattresses) with the little kids. We have friends we love and would love to vacation with more, but inviting them means 2-3 more bedrooms because of the number and ages of their kids, which is hard to find. So we camp with them and get vacation houses with other families.

[Anonymous]

We have friends whom we love but only for limited periods of time, like a 4-hour dinner/playdate or mayyybe a day-long outing/picnic. Your kids are really young and you have 3 of them so inviting you along may be more trouble than fun at this point, especially if they have fewer or older kids. Don’t take it personally! Assuming they continue to socialize with you as they did before.

[Anonymous]

My three are older now (9, 7, 5) and an overnight at a lake house would have been very, very challenging when they were those ages. Is it possible these people just wanted something logistically easier? It sounds like there were only three kids there, total, and a bunch of adults; adding your family would have altered that ratio substantially.

But there will be people out there for whom you have too many kids. I know that's true of us. Those aren't our people, and we aren't theirs. Oh, well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have friends whom we love but only for limited periods of time, like a 4-hour dinner/playdate or mayyybe a day-long outing/picnic. Your kids are really young and you have 3 of them so inviting you along may be more trouble than fun at this point, especially if they have fewer or older kids. Don’t take it personally! Assuming they continue to socialize with you as they did before.

This. Yes, it has to do with how many kids you have AND their age. That is a lot of stuff, work and space.

[Anonymous]

I stopped inviting our friends with 3+ kids over a few years ago. They take over and it’s too much. I actually am pretty passive in our friendship in general and let them suggest things. I learned that my suggestions would always be rejected due to some child preference or scheduling issue or other logistical concern, and it was annoying. If they invite us over or to some outing, we will often say yes. But I don’t plan because it’s too hard to figure out what their needs will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course we get invited places! Why wouldn't we? My kids are polite, offer to help, clean up after themselves, and inclusive. We get invited places as a family all the time.

Maybe they just don't like you.

OP - thanks that was helpful. And yes my kids are polite but they are young (1, 3 and 5) so need a lot of help.

I would 't invite anyone to a lake house who can't swim. Maybe I'm paranoid but it just stresses me out. And having to keep everyone quiet for naps is annoying. I wouldn't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

We have 4. Our friends down the street have 7. They still seem to invite us over a lot.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids and were never invited anywhere. One of my kids is a handful so it wasn’t that surprising.