School won’t communicate with me directly?

[Anonymous]

I reached out to my children’s elementary school in hopes of establishing a line of communication independent of their father, my exH, who is very abusive (and I have concerns about him abusing our children; he is custodial parent). I received an email back from their administration who said they asked him first to communicate with me, and also said that I’d have to CC him on communications.

I can see their point from a policy perspective, but the reason I reached out is because I’m concerned for my children’s well-being. I feel trapped. Any suggestions or guidance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reached out to my children’s elementary school in hopes of establishing a line of communication independent of their father, my exH, who is very abusive (and I have concerns about him abusing our children; he is custodial parent). I received an email back from their administration who said they asked him first to communicate with me, and also said that I’d have to CC him on communications.

I can see their point from a policy perspective, but the reason I reached out is because I’m concerned for my children’s well-being. I feel trapped. Any suggestions or guidance?

You can still talk to the school, just go in-person to speak to someone rather than trying to put it in writing. Do you have legal custody even if he has custodial custody? If you don’t have either, the school is not going to speak with you since you aren’t a legal guardian.

[Anonymous]

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think the school can get involved if there's concern about your ex abusing the children unless they hear/see something in school and then are mandated to report it.

What is your goal in communicating with the school? If it's just to be notified of things, then make sure you're on all the right lists, and if you have general questions, write them neutrally and copy your ex.

As the PP above mentioned, you can also go to the school and talk to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reached out to my children’s elementary school in hopes of establishing a line of communication independent of their father, my exH, who is very abusive (and I have concerns about him abusing our children; he is custodial parent). I received an email back from their administration who said they asked him first to communicate with me, and also said that I’d have to CC him on communications.

I can see their point from a policy perspective, but the reason I reached out is because I’m concerned for my children’s well-being. I feel trapped. Any suggestions or guidance?

He has custody? This screams volumes.

[Anonymous]

If you have joint custody, you send them the court order and tell them that you have an equal right to know and don't need to go through your ex.

Otherwise, you go to court, get an order that allows you to speak to the school and give it to them.

This is pretty common as they defer to one parent and its a fight to get things like report cards if the other parent says no.

[Anonymous]

And, if you have proof of abuse, call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Is this a public school or a private school? Unfortunately if it is private you are going to have far fewer rights. Also, what state and what are you communicating to them about (asking for report cards, academic progress, something else)?

[Anonymous]

Do you have joint educational decision making and does your divorce agreement say that? If he has sole educational decision making authority then it's unlikely you can ask for more from the school than what you are getting. Your best bet would be to talk to an attorney, if that is unaffordable, you might see if you can find a DV org that has someone who can provide free support and advice.

[Anonymous]

No they are suppose to communicate with the other parent equally, and separately if you require it.

If they don't have the necessary docs from your divorce then forward them over.

[Anonymous]

Why does he have custody? What did you do?