DIA: My Best Friend has No Boundaries!

[Anonymous]

I'm single and recently had a massage that was unlike any I had before. The man almost served as a therapist asking me why I couldn't relaxing and to share my trauma with him to work through it with breathing. At the end he gave me a hug and said I needed to relax more and we hugged for like 4 minutes with him keep on telling me to relax more and I did. I admitted to him that I had never been hugged like that before and he thought it was strange. I've clearly had boyfriends and what not, but no one that held me like that where my body melted into them as they hugged me. At the end, he told me I needed to open up more, tear down my walls, and let people in. I felt attracted to him after the long hug, but didn't act on it in any way.

I told my best friend about the experience and she was convinced I needed to be aggressive and should have tried kissing him and that I needed him in my life. I told her that he was a hippy that lived on a commune 2 hours away with 40 people and I just thought he was a spiritual guy that was acting as a guide and trying to help me...in other words, doing his job! Today she told me that she emailed the masseuse asking him if he would go out with me and I am so embarrassed and upset. My friend doesn't have any boundaries and she feels I am too shy and reserved to act on things. I told her I was upset and would never get a massage from him again. Her response was that she found me another masseuse to replace him and that she was confident he would respond and I would thank her in the end. I'm very angry at her lack of boundaries and I don't know how to handle this situation with her. What should I tell her bc right now I just want to yell at her?

[Anonymous]

I would email the masseuse and apologize for the awkwardness. Set the record straight.

I could not be friends with someone so flaky, even if she believed she was acting in your best interest. If there are good things about your friendship, you can keep her in your life but share nothing personal.

[Anonymous]

I would not be friends with her anymore. She should not be getting involved.

[Anonymous]

LOL I think she's right.

It is in no way shape or form the masseuse's job to listen to your personal problems, hug you for four minutes, or act as your personal therapist.

The guy was into you and trying not to act outside of the personal boundaries of his job (and get hit with a sexual assault charge).

Go back, get another massage from the same guy, instead of a hug hint that you'd like to go out and see if he bites.

[Anonymous]

Wait -- what did he say?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL I think she's right.

It is in no way shape or form the masseuse's job to listen to your personal problems, hug you for four minutes, or act as your personal therapist.

The guy was into you and trying not to act outside of the personal boundaries of his job (and get hit with a sexual assault charge).

Go back, get another massage from the same guy, instead of a hug hint that you'd like to go out and see if he bites.

Correct.

[Anonymous]

I was just joking. Thanks a lot for embarrassing us!

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a psycho….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL I think she's right.

It is in no way shape or form the masseuse's job to listen to your personal problems, hug you for four minutes, or act as your personal therapist.

The guy was into you and trying not to act outside of the personal boundaries of his job (and get hit with a sexual assault charge).

Go back, get another massage from the same guy, instead of a hug hint that you'd like to go out and see if he bites.

This is right, but she shouldn’t have stepped in.

[Anonymous]

I would be very, very mad with that friend and need some time off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm single and recently had a massage that was unlike any I had before. The man almost served as a therapist asking me why I couldn't relaxing and to share my trauma with him to work through it with breathing. At the end he gave me a hug and said I needed to relax more and we hugged for like 4 minutes with him keep on telling me to relax more and I did. I admitted to him that I had never been hugged like that before and he thought it was strange. I've clearly had boyfriends and what not, but no one that held me like that where my body melted into them as they hugged me. At the end, he told me I needed to open up more, tear down my walls, and let people in. I felt attracted to him after the long hug, but didn't act on it in any way.

I told my best friend about the experience and she was convinced I needed to be aggressive and should have tried kissing him and that I needed him in my life. I told her that he was a hippy that lived on a commune 2 hours away with 40 people and I just thought he was a spiritual guy that was acting as a guide and trying to help me...in other words, doing his job! Today she told me that she emailed the masseuse asking him if he would go out with me and I am so embarrassed and upset. My friend doesn't have any boundaries and she feels I am too shy and reserved to act on things. I told her I was upset and would never get a massage from him again. Her response was that she found me another masseuse to replace him and that she was confident he would respond and I would thank her in the end. I'm very angry at her lack of boundaries and I don't know how to handle this situation with her. What should I tell her bc right now I just want to yell at her?

I would be LIVID and would even terminate a friendship over what she did.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound uptight.

[Anonymous]

Op you are uptighf but your friend crossed a line. I wouldn't speak to her for some time.

[Anonymous]

On the real neither of you has boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait -- what did he say?!

I know, right? Did he respond to the email? Who cares - he made you feel good and you liked it.