How many good friends do you think you need?

[Anonymous]

As I get older, I want/need fewer friends. I like spending time alone (and don't get enough alone time now that I have a young child) and don't like when I have social engagements stacked up one after the other. Covid has been a nice break in that respect.

Starting to think maybe I only want to have maybe two good friends, meaning these are people I will make a point to check in with regularly and see frequently. And then I have lots and lots of people I genuinely like and enjoy seeing, but can also go 5 months without interacting and it's no big deal. I feel like the vast majority of my friends can fall in that latter group and I can just focus on a couple people at a time. It doesn't even have to be the same two people all the time -- I imagine it could easily change as jobs and families change, or if someone moves.

Do other people experience this? Do you have as many friends at 45 as you did at 35 (I am 42, FWIW)? Or is this a sign I'm getting antisocial?

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you you?

Proof again people here do not read.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way as you and I'm only 28. I was much more social in my early 20s. I'm quite introverted and maintaining lots of friendships that I'm not deeply invested in is exhausting for me. I find plenty of fulfillment in my relationships with a few close friends, my husband, and my family.

[Anonymous]

You’re fine. Society makes us think we need a roster of friends and a full social calendar to matter. If you enjoy your own company and reserve energy for those who matter most, you’ll be better off. Getting older and covid has helped me realize friendship quality matters and much more than quantity.

[Anonymous]

I'm 37 and what I've realized is that being highly social and extroverted is praised in our society. People who are always chatting, having plans, running around are viewed as successful.

But we know better. We know there's a value to being an introvert, and shuffling around your home doing random things that make you happy.

I have DH and four close friends. We're not a tight group - they're all separate friends from different stages of life.

Honestly, do whatever is comfortable for you. It doesn't matter what other people do.

[Anonymous]

I thought I was an introvert. My parents told me I was "shy and quiet". I was like that until late 30s. In my 40s now and DW and most of my friends who knew me from my 20s were shocked how extroverted I have now become.

[Anonymous]

I have 9. Met during different phases of my life and I consider all lifelong friends. Doesn't mean we are in sync all the time. Months, in some cases years pass and it may feel like effort without the feeling of being close, but the friendships have all successfully circled back. Over a lifetime, keeping the connection has been well worth it.

[Anonymous]

In my 50's, and I have a group of 3 that I routinely go out with. That's all I need. I have other great friends that moved away from the area that I would still be close to, but those 3 are the ones that live near me. I hate big groups anymore (wasn't that into huge groups to begin with) but I do think you narrow down the few that you really confide in and "know" you. Also, I'm a homebody, so going out means I really want to be with the people I'm with, not just for the sake of being out.

[Anonymous]

I think I have about 6-8 really good friends but with three adult children who live nearby and a small army of grandchildren my world has gotten smaller. We are not as socially active as we were 20 years ago but I just think it’s part of getting older. I’m very active in my community and I have a ton of nice acquaintances so I’m not lacking in social interaction.

[Anonymous]

Five solid forever friends and a couple in-the-moment friends.

[Anonymous]

Three forever friends. About 6 I see socially for drinks every month or so.