Does anyone else feel overwhelmed with older teens?
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Anonymous
| I have a 14 and 16 year old. The 16 year old will be a junior and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed about helping her prepare for adult life. I’m talking college, becoming more independent, etc. Everything seems so high stakes and I constantly question how to parent. I feel like it’s a fine line between letting them make mistakes and guiding them when they obviously don’t haven’t developed enough to make solid decisions. Those who have gotten their teens through this period - any advice? |
Anonymous
| I have started feeling this too with my 16 yr old. Before the things he did were not high stakes (playing video games too much, not handing in HW on time, etc) and now they are (experimenting with drugs, mental illness). He’s starting therapy soon and maybe I should too. I’m a single parent do it seems like a lot for one person to handle. |
Anonymous
|
Your gonna get a whole bunch of “my kids did it all themselves and if your kids can’t they are not mature enough for college”.
Yes, it’s insane getting it all done and I constantly dreaded that we forgot or missed something. |
Anonymous
| Feel the same with my 16 yo. It's always a dilemma about whether to step in to keep them from making a mistake that could have long-term consequences or just letting them regret and learn from those consequences. As I'm going along, the dilemma is evaporating because the kid won't take any advice anyway so it's impossible to prevent the mistakes. I hope the kid does learn from the inevitable consequences. |
Anonymous
OP here and am bracing myself for this. I am definitely an anxious person, and I can’t just sit back and watch. She may be ok if I do, but if she’s not then I would blame myself for not doing more. Everything I read about teens says they need guidance, so I tend to think parents who didn’t have any worries and it went seamlessly are lucky or their kids found support and guidance elsewhere. |
Anonymous
My sister in law would say this. She barely parents her kids and they are turning out okay. But they spend lots of time with my parents while she and my brother are doing their thing. My parents were the ones who made sure my nephew got his college apps in and proofread his essays. My parents basically taught him to drive and helped him find his first job. They are doing the same for the two younger as well. My mom went to their house every day during virtual learning learning to make sure the 9 year old was doing his work (his older brothers were in charge). So things aren’t always as they seem. |
Anonymous
Get the book titled How to Raise and Adult https://www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Adult-Overparenting-Prepare/dp/1250093635/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=how+to+raise+and+adult&qid=1627059026&sr=8-3 Also, know that teens change incredibly fast. Your 18 year old will be VERY different than you 16 year old. Aside from toddlerhood, this is when they mature the quickest. |
Anonymous
| Not at all. I felt like we were in the home stretch, each of my older kids asked to learn a few things before going off to college (DS was worried about using a washer that took coins for some reason), and we just kept things as simple and calm as possible. |
Anonymous
They need guidance and direction. Too many choices can be anxiety inducing. Help the make a list of colleges. Worry about that small list. Make a list of tasks and completion dates together. Ask for help from others if you need it. Success is not a straight line up it usually has peaks and valleys. |
Anonymous
| If you mean the college application process, of course you guide them. Together, you and her decide which schools to visit and when to schedule SAT or ACT and then, where they ultimately apply. Did you imagine she would handle this all on her own? |
Anonymous
No I did not imagine she would handle the college application process on her own. But navigating the teen years and moving towards independence involves more than the college process. If picking schools and SAT was all we had to worry about, i wouldn’t be overwhelmed! That part seems manageable. |
Anonymous
|
Every day. Not just college applications, but just every day life.
Who are they with? Are they driving safe, making the right choices, not drinking/vaping, being in healthy relationships. I never had anxiety until I had older teens. |
Anonymous
Thank you for suggesting this book. Great reviews! I'm not OP but I also feel overwhelmed by the teen years. |
Anonymous
| I also find the teen stage to be tough. The balance between preventing problems and letting the. Make choices and live with the consequences is so tough to find. I am working on that a lot now. I have one average kid, one really troubled one and one really easy one. I am fortunate to have good relationships with all of them and my spouse, who is really good about giving me the breaks I need. |
Anonymous
| YUP!! |