Tell me about Tinder/Breaking Out of My Shell
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Anonymous
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I’m wondering about Tinder. It’s supposed to be a hook up app, right? I’m recently divorced snd just jumping back into dating. I’ve been on Tinder and had a few dates but no sex. One of my dates has told me at the beginning after her divorce she just used it for sex and doesn’t believe I’ve not really been able to. I was really very sexually conservative before and even in marriage. I had only five sex partners before marriage and that sex was pretty vanilla at that. I just said I’m not good at the casual sex approach, not very forward with women in asking for it and perhaps too coy for a guy. I absolutely love all the flirting I get into. It feels so good to actually have women’s attention, which I rarely had when I was younger. I’m currently seeing two women - both about my same age - mid fifties - and a third who’s slightly older and definitely interested in sex but has told me I send off a “friend zone” vibe. She says I’m afraid to just put it out there and that I find the friendship comfortable. Maybe she’s right, but I don’t know how to break out?
Me? Age 55, 5’10”, 195 lbs. Good conversationalist, witty. |
Anonymous
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Guy 56 : in my experience tinder is the sane as ok Cupid or bumble in terms of the ‘opportunity ‘. Whatever it’s reputation was it’s a mix now. |
Anonymous
| It's probably your body language that's doing it. Watch some movies and focus on how men act there on a date. Or if you want to flip on Sex in the City reruns, look at how Carrie's boyfriends act, in particular Big and the Russian guy (the artist). Watch body language. |
Anonymous
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M56.
Agree with other PP. Tinder is about the same as the other apps. In fact you see pretty much all the same people on all the apps. I got the same sorts of dates from Tinder as i did from Bumble, Hinge, etc. (ie not hookups). One thought for you - if Tinder is still a hookup app, that might be for the kids in their 20s but not for geezers like us. I did not get the feeling the women our age were looking for hookups. I don't push hard for sex, it happens in its time. Or not! If you haven't noticed already a lot of first dates result in her sending a text afterward "sorry no spark" and that's that, on to the next. |
Anonymous
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I think women can sense very quickly ‘where you’re at’ and also from your description you don’t fit the profile of a player. A woman who just wanted sex might fear you want more commitment. Give it time. You are just divorced and when I heard this advice from others it annoyed me but unfortunately its true. Plus after enough bad dates it will get old very quickly |
Anonymous
| What’s your question? You want to have hook-ups? Or think you should be wanting hook ups? |
Anonymous
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I’m not sure what your question is.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting casual sex and instead wanting to date someone for a while and get into a relationship with them before having sex. If you’re saying you want casual sex and have not gotten it yet, well yeah, many women don’t want casual sex so you can’t expect it to just fall in your lap if you are a man. |
Anonymous
Oh, also, five partners before marriage isn’t as low a number as you’d think, if you look at stats. It’s about average for men. |
Anonymous
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Tinder is not just a hook up app, esp for your age range (I am a 57 yo F0.
Figure out what you want. Do you want a FWB? If so, say so and you probably won't have a problem finding one. |
Anonymous
| I’m same as you in age and other characteristics. I’ve been on Tinder for months and if I’ve had more than five contacts I’d be surprised- let alone even one date. I must be radioactive or it’s not a hook up site anymore or both. |
Anonymous
Most likely you need better photos. Everyone on the apps swipes in a fraction of a second based on one photo. Getting professional photos are worth it if you can find someone who can do them so they don't look "too staged". |
Anonymous
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I am a 39/m. I had success getting dates on Tinder in 2018 and 2019. After taking a break during the pandemic until vaccination, I returned to Tinder. I found it very disappointing.
Tinder's parent company, whoever it is, made it very more difficult to use for free. It used to be pretty simple to get matches and then start exchanging texts. Not anymore. On the other hand, I have been on a few dates with a nice woman I met on Hinge and I'm confident we'll be banging soon. Tinder sucks. |
Anonymous
It is age-dependent. I have 400+ guys who have swiped on me on Tinder, a couple hundred on Bumble, and I had ONE like on Hinge. I am the 57 yo F PP |
Anonymous
Every guy on every app swipes on every woman who isn't actually deformed. |
Anonymous
If you read the comment you were responding to you would see this isn't true |