Your Memory Care Experience

[Anonymous]

Can you share your Memory Care experience? We are having a really horrible experience with Memory Care. Soiled diapers for hours, no supervision, injuries. Is this uncommon?

[Anonymous]

My mom is 72 and has been in memory care (in Southern California) since last fall. My dad is 74 and lives in the same facility, but it the independent living, not memory care. He visits my mom daily (it was more difficult several months ago before the Covid vaccine, but the last few months have been easy for visitation) and also takes her on an outing (usually at walk at the park and ice cream) at least once a week with the help of my brother, who lives about a mile away. I think the fact that my dad and brother are there so frequently probably makes a big difference, which is very sad for those that don't have close family.

Still, my mom has had some injuries. Apparently she likes to try and get up and walk a lot (lately she has needed a wheel chair) and she falls flat on her face. When she falls she skids so she has got rug burns on her face from that. My brother thinks the staff needs to watch her better--but they are outnumbered by the residents so it's not like they can provide one on one care. My dad has considered hiring an additional aide to specifically just stay with my mom and prevent that, but so far he hasn't done that. I'm not sure how much that would cost but when he mentioned it he talked about it being an 8 hour shift per day.

My brother also mentioned a couple months ago that one day the staff found my mom laying on another residents bed. He also said my parents bought a new couch for my mom's room because other residents were coming into her room and sitting in her chairs (these are self furnished units) with soiled/leaking diapers so the chairs got soiled.

Is this the kind of stuff your parent is experiencing?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Worse diapers not being changed (all the residents). Residents hurting each other. One day over 20 residents and no staff supervision in the main area. Multiple falls - two quite serious. Yesterday a woman was laying on the floor - not sure for how long but no staff around to help.

Also is it common for male CNAs to bathe and dress elderly ladies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Worse diapers not being changed (all the residents). Residents hurting each other. One day over 20 residents and no staff supervision in the main area. Multiple falls - two quite serious. Yesterday a woman was laying on the floor - not sure for how long but no staff around to help.

Also is it common for male CNAs to bathe and dress elderly ladies?

I'm not sure if it's common, but it might be necessary if that's who they have on staff. I'm sure there are female CNA's bathing and dressing elderly men.
I'm sorry your family is going through this. Do you or other family members live close by and are able to visit?

[Anonymous]

You need to look for a non-profit facility, ideally one of those run by the Lutherans, Episcopalians, or Jews. Bonus if they have CARFE accreditation.

[Anonymous]

My sibling was in and out of memory care (long story, they had brain injury so had cognitive issues) so they could do rehab before coming home. They were at four different facilities and most were terrible in terms of care. We had a family member who was with them almost all day every day, and even with this advocacy there are not enough staff to provide the level of care often needed. We would often arrive in the morning and sibling was not dressed or I’m soiled diaper.

I think the problem is widespread. I’m very sorry your family is dealing with this — it’s awful when they get treated badly because they are vulnerable and can’t complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 72 and has been in memory care (in Southern California) since last fall. My dad is 74 and lives in the same facility, but it the independent living, not memory care. He visits my mom daily (it was more difficult several months ago before the Covid vaccine, but the last few months have been easy for visitation) and also takes her on an outing (usually at walk at the park and ice cream) at least once a week with the help of my brother, who lives about a mile away. I think the fact that my dad and brother are there so frequently probably makes a big difference, which is very sad for those that don't have close family.

Still, my mom has had some injuries. Apparently she likes to try and get up and walk a lot (lately she has needed a wheel chair) and she falls flat on her face. When she falls she skids so she has got rug burns on her face from that. My brother thinks the staff needs to watch her better--but they are outnumbered by the residents so it's not like they can provide one on one care. My dad has considered hiring an additional aide to specifically just stay with my mom and prevent that, but so far he hasn't done that. I'm not sure how much that would cost but when he mentioned it he talked about it being an 8 hour shift per day.

My brother also mentioned a couple months ago that one day the staff found my mom laying on another residents bed. He also said my parents bought a new couch for my mom's room because other residents were coming into her room and sitting in her chairs (these are self furnished units) with soiled/leaking diapers so the chairs got soiled.

Is this the kind of stuff your parent is experiencing?

M grandmother was in a place where they had a thick pad/mat with an alarm next to her bed so staff was alerted if she fell or got out of bed. Maybe you could inquire?

[Anonymous]

Ours was good. Parent was burned out even with lots of hired help and a daycare program several times a week. Both parents were much happier separated. Dad was a different person when we visited him without mom crying and yelling at him.. Much happier. Had no idea who we were, but enjoyed out company. Mom finally got help for her unhappiness and could be nice to him the times she actually visited.

[Anonymous]

My dad went into a continuing care retirement community after he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. For the first few years he lived independently but with increasing help (it was a big campus and he started getting lost on his way to restaurants etc.) He eventually went into a memory care unit that was part of the same community and it was fairly high standards and good care. They even took the patients on outings and did crafts and activities with them. It was not cheap, obviously - I think $10k/month, but that was 5 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that's common. Plus lots of unexplained bruises and other issues, such as feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad went into a continuing care retirement community after he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. For the first few years he lived independently but with increasing help (it was a big campus and he started getting lost on his way to restaurants etc.) He eventually went into a memory care unit that was part of the same community and it was fairly high standards and good care. They even took the patients on outings and did crafts and activities with them. It was not cheap, obviously - I think $10k/month, but that was 5 years ago.

Yes, my dad enjoyed the outings and group activities within the facility. It was a much better experience than rotting at home with the TV on while an aide was on the iphone.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re having that experience can you opt for 1:1 care in the facility?

It may be pricy but for some it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

I think paying for an aide is the best solution, if it’s affordable. I worked in an excellent memory care where the residents were regularly engaged in activities and well cared for. Falls happen and occasionally a resident will refuse to be bathed or toileted but for the most part, residents were not sitting in dirty diapers. When patients became aggressive enough to be a danger to others then they were usually transferred to a special facility temporarily for medication management.