Does my nearly three-year-old have a mean streak?

[Anonymous]

He’s two months shy of three. He’s had a really hard time adjusting to a new baby but the baby is now ten months and he’s still mean to him. If I ever left him alone with the baby, he would hurt him. He also thinks it’s funny to run over your feet with his riding cars or push a car over your hands. No amount of explaining seems to sink in. On the other hand he’s very affectionate, gives and asks for hugs, cuddles, and is very sweet. He’s a bright kid and completely verbal.

Is there something wrong with my toddler?

[Anonymous]

Yes, he needs more parental attention, supervision and love. He is jealous.

[Anonymous]

Normal toddler behavior. He does not have a mean streak. Ignore the laughter and deprive him of any attention for such behavior. PP is right that he is experiencing jealousy. That’s not meanness. It’s hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he needs more parental attention, supervision and love. He is jealous.

OP here. In all honesty, he couldn’t get more attention, supervision or love. I’m currently a SAHM, DH works from home now, and we have a wonderful nanny.

[Anonymous]

Did you read Siblings Without Rivalry?

How’s your toddler’s diet?

How much screen time does he get every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you read Siblings Without Rivalry?

How’s your toddler’s diet?

How much screen time does he get every day?

Yes, all three of us (DH, nanny and I) have read SWR and have implemented it.

Toddler’s diet is good (for a picky toddler). No junk food, no sweets, and everything organic and homemade except bread and whole wheat crackers. He eats easily seven servings of fruit and vegetables a day.

We haven’t started screens yet with the exception of FaceTiming grandparents.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Toddler dropped his nap and does a full hour of quiet time playing and looking at books in his crib. He sleeps 7 to 7 (12 hours). Do you think that might have something to do with his behavior? Is he not getting enough sleep?

[Anonymous]

Yes. This a problem. Stop explaining. There needs to be a consequence. Take away toys he runs over you with. If he shows any meanness towards his brother, remove him from whatever situation he's in to a short but very boring/unfun time out.

[jsmith123]

12 hours of sleep is enough at this age. He might still get tired and cranky during the day though since the sleep is all consolidated at night. I don't think this is the issue though.

Siblings picking on each other is like a biological imperative. I know it doesn't happen in every household, but it happens in most, at least during certain phases. You just have to stop your child from acting on those impulses to hit.

Also, I can't tell if this post is serious. There are 2 full time care givers, no screens, and the only treats are crackers?

[Anonymous]

jsmith123 wrote:12 hours of sleep is enough at this age. He might still get tired and cranky during the day though since the sleep is all consolidated at night. I don't think this is the issue though.

Siblings picking on each other is like a biological imperative. I know it doesn't happen in every household, but it happens in most, at least during certain phases. You just have to stop your child from acting on those impulses to hit.

Also, I can't tell if this post is serious. There are 2 full time care givers, no screens, and the only treats are crackers?

Yes. OP here and yes. It’s real and true. I’ve been off work since covid hit and don’t go back until September. We didn’t want to lose nanny as my return date was never clear. And yes, we’re healthful eaters as a whole. And because of two full time caregivers at all times (DH comes out of the office when nanny leaves) there’s never been a reason for screens.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s normal. My DD was the same age when her brother was born and did the “mean hug” (that aggressive, hard, try-to-hurt him hug) and we were very understanding and positive - finding anything we could to praise her for. Then once, around your son’s age, she knocked his high chair over to be mean and I lost it. The baby was unhurt but terrified. Honestly, I almost swatted her. I grabbed her by the arm and slammed her into her chair and told her to stay there. I comforted the baby while DD sobbed and I was so angry at her I didn’t care that she was scared to death (I never reacted that way to her) and was devastated. After the baby calmed down I talked to her but in no uncertain terms. We talked about it, at her request, several times that night. And ever since then, she’s been better with him.

Months later, I remind her but the meanness really has stopped.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM with no household chores - full attention on the kids 24/7 - and my older son was the same. We tried to be understanding but finally consequences were given for his mean behavior. They are best friends now and love each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. This a problem. Stop explaining. There needs to be a consequence. Take away toys he runs over you with. If he shows any meanness towards his brother, remove him from whatever situation he's in to a short but very boring/unfun time out.

Horrible idea. This very young child is feeling disconnected and displaced and out of sorts because of a new baby. He's pushing for negative attention because any attention is valuable to him. Punishing and sending him away is not what is called for here.

[Anonymous]

This is totally normal. He seems big compared to baby sibling, but he’s still so so young and still learning cause/effect and managing all those emotions. You and your family are doing a good job, that’s all you need to know. Stay the course and be patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is totally normal. He seems big compared to baby sibling, but he’s still so so young and still learning cause/effect and managing all those emotions. You and your family are doing a good job, that’s all you need to know. Stay the course and be patient.

+1. And it’s good for me to read this as I don’t have your SAH status or nanny (I’m envious but good for you). I’m exhausted by posters saying my three yr old needs more attention when we are giving every single moment we have and she’s still mean to the baby. You give your toddler ever waking moment and he still behaves like mine.