Spouse doesn't know how to help our child with learning. How do I approach this?

[Anonymous]

We have an eight year old daughter. She's starting third grade this fall and this summer we are taking her through spelling, math, and reading. However, whenever our daughter sits with my wife and goes through subjects it's like pulling teeth. Our daughter isn't focused, takes too long, etc. When she is with me we go through spelling and math. It's 30-45 minute a day and she's focused and learning.

I've had a great deal of experience mentoring others, coaching sports, and training employees. My wife doesn't have any background in teaching. Every single time she sits with our daughter it's 1.5 to 2 hours to complete 30 minutes of work. I look through everything and I know it could have been done much quicker. Problem is my wife has no experience teaching and allows our daughter to get distracted. The entire ordeal ends up with my wife angry and my daughter sad. Then I don't want to be around them and the house is uncomfortable.

I need to tell my wife she has to learn how to teach or just stick with basics worksheets. But, this will start a screaming match.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to manage how your wife does it.
If this is your strength, then you handle most of it while she does something else.
If it’s her turn, then let her do it her way.
FWIW my kids are way easier for their dad. I’m the wife, SAHM and primary caregiver. They are way more comfortable/difficult with me.

[Anonymous]

PS why is summer homework even necessary? Is the child behind or learning disabled?

[Anonymous]

Probably because the child is with that parent significantly more than the other “teacher” parent so the dynamic is different.

My SAHM taught us all the piano initially but then after a year we got a private teacher. And mom was a musician, but it was too much time and dynamic.

I give a ton of credit to homeschooling parents, they tend to do a good mix of solo and group activities to mix up the instructor person so it’s not always Mom.

[Anonymous]

Why TF aren’t you doing the homework with your child?

[Anonymous]

Since you are good at this, why not take it over as your task and your wife can do something else. Or just accept your kid doing 30 minutes of studying today, which is plenty for an 8 year old.

[Anonymous]

1. Why is she doing this in the summer?
2. If you're better at it, why don't you just handle this aspect of child-rearing?

I can teach any aspect of English, drama, history, creative writing, geography, etc. I can't teach math past simple addition and subtraction, or science at all. DH handles those. We do what we do best. I taught my kids how to make hospital corners on a bed and fold fitted sheets and fold towels. He taught them how to dice onions and pick out produce. I can teach how to play any sport I know how to play. DH can explain a football game they watch.

We each stick to what we know. Why don't you do that?

[Anonymous]

You do it. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do it. The end.

This x 100

Plus you married down. This is the consequence.

[Anonymous]

Lighten up with your kid please. She is only 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lighten up with your kid please. She is only 8.

This. She’s going to hate math and school if she associates it with all this marriage stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an eight year old daughter. She's starting third grade this fall and this summer we are taking her through spelling, math, and reading. However, whenever our daughter sits with my wife and goes through subjects it's like pulling teeth. Our daughter isn't focused, takes too long, etc. When she is with me we go through spelling and math. It's 30-45 minute a day and she's focused and learning.

I've had a great deal of experience mentoring others, coaching sports, and training employees. My wife doesn't have any background in teaching. Every single time she sits with our daughter it's 1.5 to 2 hours to complete 30 minutes of work. I look through everything and I know it could have been done much quicker. Problem is my wife has no experience teaching and allows our daughter to get distracted. The entire ordeal ends up with my wife angry and my daughter sad. Then I don't want to be around them and the house is uncomfortable.

I need to tell my wife she has to learn how to teach or just stick with basics worksheets. But, this will start a screaming match.

Why can't you do it then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lighten up with your kid please. She is only 8.

This. She’s going to hate math and school if she associates it with all this marriage stress.

This, and having to miss out on summer fun to do hours of academics. Is your wife insisting she help your daughter? Why don't you do it all instead of being critical?

[Anonymous]

Different things work with different parents. My kid is learning to drive, and it turns out that I'm a better teacher than my DH in this particular context. Other times, he's the one who handles things better.

In your case, I'd offer to do the teaching, or suggest that all lessons (you and her) last 30 minutes maximum. Or maybe even give her a break on the one-on-one lessons, especially over the summer. There are lots of types of enrichment that don't end with anyone angry or sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to manage how your wife does it.
If this is your strength, then you handle most of it while she does something else.
If it’s her turn, then let her do it her way.
FWIW my kids are way easier for their dad. I’m the wife, SAHM and primary caregiver. They are way more comfortable/difficult with me.

This philosophy of “let them do it their way” is never applied to men doing household chores. But why? 🤔🤔🤔