How hard to push swimming lessons? (Consequences, bribes?) age 4.5

[Anonymous]

Our pool offers swim practice (lessons) every day for 45 minutes. It’s amazing instruction. My 4 1/2 year did it a few times and now refuses, even tough he liked it. The thing is, he has potential to be a really good swimmer. He’s not afraid and he actually has a pretty good kick and can hold his breath and everything. But he’s quite obstinate, so he’s pushing back against us. He doesn’t give a reason why he doesn’t want to do it. He just says he doesn’t want to. We’ve sat him down and talk to him about it, and he doesn’t give a reason. He actually really really like the teacher. He talked about her all the time. I have told him that he’s not allowed to swim recreationally during the 45 minute class (His big brother is doing the class also, happily.) I’ve made him sit quietly next to me for 45 minutes, in the heat, not playing or eating.

Do I bribe him? More consequences? Make him stay home? Or just give up?…but swim is a life skill and you have to learn it.

I stupidly backed to myself into a standoff four-year-old, and I think he will win.

[Anonymous]

Does he actually know how to swim? I.e can he get in pool and get around without floaties? If so I would back off. If not I would say he has to take lessons until he reaches a milestone that lets him swim on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he actually know how to swim? I.e can he get in pool and get around without floaties? If so I would back off. If not I would say he has to take lessons until he reaches a milestone that lets him swim on his own.

He has a fantastic foundation from just a few lessons before he quit and can sort of swim. But no, he needs supervision and floaties.

[Anonymous]

Bribe him with a trip to Target to pick out a toy.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask the teacher what he/she recommends. Reluctance towards swimming lessons is so common - they may have suggestions on what to do.

[Anonymous]

He needs to know how to swim. I would bribe, personally. My 5yo couldn't take lessons last year because of COVID and I promised him a snorkel and flippers as soon as he learns. You could do a sticker chart and he gets a sticker for every lesson he takes, with a prize at 20 or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ask the teacher what he/she recommends. Reluctance towards swimming lessons is so common - they may have suggestions on what to do.

She offered to teach him 1:1 which he LOVES. But the class is a fraction of the cost, and it’s about forming community and making friends. And the 1:1 lessons are extra!

He’s just being difficult, I sense. There isn’t a legit reason not to do the class.

[Anonymous]

making a 4.5yo sit quietly in the heat without eating or playing seems harsh. Ask a teacher or maybe google some cartoons about swimming. I learned to swim at 6 and seem to have been doing well in life thus far. You have time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he actually know how to swim? I.e can he get in pool and get around without floaties? If so I would back off. If not I would say he has to take lessons until he reaches a milestone that lets him swim on his own.

He has a fantastic foundation from just a few lessons before he quit and can sort of swim. But no, he needs supervision and floaties.

No child needs floaties. He needs a parent in the water with him at that age either way, and floaties will just hinder the swimming.

People eventually need to know how to swim. 4 year olds do not need formal lessons. I wouldn't have this power struggle with a 4 year old.

[Anonymous]

If he can swim independently, I’d let him quit. If he cannot, then it’s not negotiable. He can quit once he can tread water for one minute and swim the cross length of the pool without putting his feet down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd ask the teacher what he/she recommends. Reluctance towards swimming lessons is so common - they may have suggestions on what to do.

She offered to teach him 1:1 which he LOVES. But the class is a fraction of the cost, and it’s about forming community and making friends. And the 1:1 lessons are extra!

He’s just being difficult, I sense. There isn’t a legit reason not to do the class.

I'm the PP. Well, then in that case, especially since it seems this isn't fear based, just stubbornness, I think you've picked your battle, and now you have to win it.

Each day during swimming class, he sits quietly next to you. No swimming, no playing, no eating. If that's the whole summer, so be it. Seems like a really solid way to handle it. I would do NO further cajoling, bargaining, discussing, or anything. "Okay, swimming class is starting. Do you want to go to class or sit next to me? Sit next to me? Okay, have a seat." Done. Repeat each week. I bet he caves before the end of the summer. And if he doesn't - he's just learned a valuable lesson that mom's word is law, and you can't out stubborn her.

[Anonymous]

The point is he needs to learn to swim, right? How about make a bargain with you: he makes progress in learning how to swim by doing "lessons" with you in the shallow end at the same time as big sib is in lessons (or whatever). If he can make progress and builds his skills, good to go. If he doesn't he needs to take lessons next time they are offered. Its okay if that is next month or even next year. He needs to learn how to swim, but he is still well within the realm of normal age to learn. He's young, actually.

[Anonymous]

No floaties. He needs to learn to swim safely. Everythibg else is optional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he can swim independently, I’d let him quit. If he cannot, then it’s not negotiable. He can quit once he can tread water for one minute and swim the cross length of the pool without putting his feet down.

He cannot swim independently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No floaties. He needs to learn to swim safely. Everythibg else is optional

Which is why I want him to take this AMAZING BASICALLY FREE 45 CLASS EVERY DAY! But he’s fighting me on it.