Moving a rising 8th and 5th grader to another state

[Anonymous]

We’ll be leaving mid-July for our new home and jobs.

Any tips from those who’ve done it? I’m more concerned about my 8th grader who was initially excited by the move but now isn’t.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

It’s great you’re moving right at the start of high school instead of mid-high school. Adolescence is the worst time to uproot oneself. Just be very upbeat and point out all the advantages (for them!) of the move. Sell it hard!

[Anonymous]

What would get your teen excited? New clothes for new school? Special experience in new location? Visit from grandparent?

[Anonymous]

Let them pick out decorations for their new rooms, paint color, etc.

Plan some day trips around the new area right when you get there so they get a feel for the place.

See if you can find activities to join- the local pool, a camp, sports activities, scouts, whatever.

[Anonymous]

At least your DC has about a month to meet other tweens/teens and make friends. If you can, get them in a semi-structured activity this summer so that they have a fall back social group if things don’t go well in September.

[Anonymous]

Okay, here’s what I wouldn’t do: sign your older kid up for lots of community things or church groups the summer before the start of her new school. Ask me how I know? My poor DD spent the first couple of months in her new school trying to separate from her church youth group friends who took her wanting to make other friends as a betrayal. I should have left it all alone!

If I had it to do over again, I would have just let DD get comfortable in our new town and neighborhood. I should have let her find her own way. Not knowing anyone walking into 8th grade would have been better for DD.

[Anonymous]

I was your DC.

What helps? Continuing with activities, like sports and or joining a neighborhood pool in the new location.

Move with a hit-the-ground running mentality. Research the schools now, register now if you can. Make certain your students can attend a new school orientation so they don’t have to arrive on the first day of school having never seen inside the school.

Also get your DC engaged and or interested in something with the new house. I still remember being so excited to move into a very cool pink room that had been the teenage girl’s bedroom. That was my motivation as a 13 YO. Maybe new furniture or DC can select what BR.

There’s so much comfort in the familiar; don’t make wholesale changes right away and be sure that DC comfort items aren’t all packed away - allow DCs to leave out certain clothes, bedding, etc and maybe even have them have some decision making about what to move/donate/pack/keep out…

[Anonymous]

People move all the time. Just go with a positive attitude and a friendly demeanor and they will be guided by you.

[Anonymous]

Let me just prepare you: it will be rough. The kids will constantly say the new place sucks and talk about the old place. This is exhausting and makes you want to die, especially because it happens a lot because you have to hang out with them all the time bc they have no friends.

Time is the only answer. Eventually they get used to the new place. Make sure the schools are a good fit.

[Anonymous]

It will be ok. Better this year than next! 5th grade will be fine, and the one going into 8th grader will be ok too. Get as involved as possible!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s great you’re moving right at the start of high school instead of mid-high school. Adolescence is the worst time to uproot oneself. Just be very upbeat and point out all the advantages (for them!) of the move. Sell it hard!

No. They are old enough to see through the toxic positivity and will feel like their feelings don’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People move all the time. Just go with a positive attitude and a friendly demeanor and they will be guided by you.

This. I moved every few years including as a teen. Life happens. People move. Just find an activity or two that your kids do and have them continue to do it in the new location.

[Anonymous]

I moved in both 5th and 8th grade. Honestly, 5th was much worse than 8th. Kids at 10 and 11 are at the height of mean girl behavior and had been together since kindergarten. It was really bad. By 8th kids were a bit more mature and we're more settled into activities as their identity and social sphere.

That said, I was pretty hurt when I was left out off all of the graduation stuff as a senior in high school because I was the "new" kid who had only been in the grade since 8th instead of kindergarten. I didn't get any awards, which went to peers with similar and lesser credentials. I was left out of the senior class slide show, etc. Lots of little slights that I didn't belong. It hurt.

[Anonymous]

I moved in both 5th and 8th grade. Honestly, 5th was much worse than 8th. Kids at 10 and 11 are at the height of mean girl behavior and had been together since kindergarten. It was really bad. By 8th kids were a bit more mature and we're more settled into activities as their identity and social sphere.

That said, I was pretty hurt when I was left out off all of the graduation stuff as a senior in high school because I was the "new" kid who had only been in the grade since 8th instead of kindergarten. I didn't get any awards, which went to peers with similar and lesser credentials. I was left out of the senior class slide show, etc. Lots of little slights that I didn't belong. It hurt.

[Anonymous]

I think those are okay ages to move. Both at top grade of their school, so they can feel things out and things will reshuffle the following year anyway as the younger one goes to middle school and the older one goes to high school.