S/O Will You Tell Your Teen About Your Experience With Sexual Assault?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t volunteer this information, but I wouldn’t be too surprised if my kids ask me someday. I am not sure how I’d respond.

Would you tell or no?

[Anonymous]

My H ended up telling our teens about his assault but it was more because the rapist is a family member and we stopped being around his family when the rapist started coming to family parties.

[Anonymous]

So I don’t know if this fully counts but a guy did (I think) try to date rape me as a teen—was forcibly kissing/groping me and had me pinned against a wall and someone stopped him and threatened to call the cops. I was drunk and had started willingly making out with him, but then he didn’t stop. Random guy in a bar that was older than me. I was with a friend but she was wasted and no help and I ended up alone with him.
I probably will tell her this story.
Whenever I see the posts from people saying it’s sexist to tell your girls not to get drunk around unsafe guys….I think of this guy. The truth is, we don’t have the privilege of getting drunk around men we don’t know. We should, but we don’t.

[Anonymous]

I may speak generally about it - but not specific. Just like I won't mention my abortion. Some things, I don't want my child to know about me.

[Anonymous]

I told my DD when she was involved in an abusive relationship and I recognized the signs and wanted to warn her. She got out of that relationship before it got very bad thankfully. I would not have mentioned my assault if there was no reason and I have not mentioned it to my other DC.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. The birds and the bees convo was in kindergarten. Now that DD has started her cycle we talk about sexting, drinking and assault. These are multiple conversations that are necessary over time. You can’t cram it into a one and done discussion. I don’t want to wait until I think it may be relevant because at that point it’s too late.

My kid doesn’t tell me everything and for that reason I must tell her everything.

[Anonymous]

My kids know. Not every detail, but I wanted them to know predators don’t always look like monsters.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I've told both my older kids when they were in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may speak generally about it - but not specific. Just like I won't mention my abortion. Some things, I don't want my child to know about me.

While I understand you desire for privacy, and you have every right to it. I wonder if when your kids are old enough, and depending on their gender, if you might consider how their knowing you had those experiences and survived and thrived in spite of them might help them see you and themselves in a more powerful light. It’s a fine line, but we can empower our kids by their knowing how strong their mothers are. And by hiding these things we only make them shameful rather than an opportunity for really deep and connecting discussions with our kids that can influence their life in a positive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids know. Not every detail, but I wanted them to know predators don’t always look like monsters.

This is a good point

[Anonymous]

It came up. We have discussed, in age appropriate ways. It's never been one single conversation.

[Anonymous]

i have not yet. but i will.

[Anonymous]

If I had a daughter, yes. I was molested by the next door neighbor. My sons and I have had the conversation of no-means-no, your-body-your-choice, etc....Don't know if I will ever tell them about the neighbor. My husband knows, but no one else.

[Anonymous]

During the Kavenaugh trial I told my sons guys did that type of stuff all the time. They would trap you in a room and try to assault you, some of us got away some didn’t.

I told them guys would assault us when sleeping on couches or at a friends college house.

I told them boys would try to get girls drunk and have sex with them and have sex with them.

Did this happen to me, yea a few times. No actual detail or names. But of course.

If you went to a prep party in the 80’s you had a 50/50 chance of being assaulted … it’s one reason a group of us refused to go and it created a split in our friendships.