Anyone else with little kids fight more during Father’s and Mother’s Day weekend?

[Anonymous]

I swear these are always the weekends the kids wake up early, someone is sick, the restaurant screws up our order or we can’t get the takeout we planned, little kids won’t sign the card, kids misbehave more, the gift I ordered doesn’t arrive in time, and at some point my DH always gets ballistic. Anyone else feel like the heightened pressure to have an amazing father’s or Mother’s Day weekend just leads to conflict with your spouse? My dream Mother’s Day is a day away from my entire family and my dream Father’s Day is for him to leave for the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you just notice the problems more because its supposed to be a 'special' day and the kids really don't care unless the special day is their day.

You want things to be quiet, simple, and unchaotic...and its not.

Also re the restaurants messing up you're order - that I agree. Valentine's Day, Easter, and Mother's Day are the worse days to order to-go because everyone else is doing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I don't really notice that, but then we don't do any of that stuff? Father's Day will mean I get breakfast from a fast food place I like and we go to the pool. I might ask for some time off to take a nap in the afternoon. I don't really want or expect much, so it's really just a normal weekend

[Anonymous]

Yes! I find these days exhausting. Either planning fir the partner or expressing sufficient appreciation. I hate them.

[Anonymous]

Nah. We dont celebrate either and it makes it so much better.

[Anonymous]

No, but it sounds like you do things very last minute and are high-stress, so maybe your kids act out because of the stress level in the household.

If I don't buy a Father's Day card the day after Farhter's Day for the following year, I buy it about a month before the holiday. DH's gift was bought in March, and is generally bought in the spring unless I'm giving him food.

I make reservations at a restaurant on the beach around February or March for Father's Day, and we just accept that they will be packed, wait times will be long, and service may get a little messed up.

Life isn't perfect, OP. Roll with it.

[Anonymous]

No, we generally have good mother’s and father’s days. Our kids wake up early everyday anyways. DH always lets me sleep in on Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

No, but we generally don't make a big deal out of things and are pretty laid back. We can't celebrate Sunday, so went out for dinner today. They messed up something on my order, no big deal. Stuff happens. I sipped my wine and stole a couple of DH's fries while I waited.

DH didn't order my Mother's Day gift until a few days before Mother's Day (granted it was 2 day shipping) and it ended up being back ordered. I got it 2 weeks later. Again, NBD. Doesn't matter to me if I get it on that day or later.

It sounds like you guys have issues normally, and the fact that FD or MD is supposed to be a special day just makes you more aware of it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, way too many expectations on these days.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes, yes. But I’ve found it usually has to do with the fact that others are celebrating as well and it creates problems. Like we try to go to brunch but the place is packed and service sucks. Or we try to plan an activity but then my MIL gets mad because she wanted to video chat at a specific time and we aren’t home.

So we try to minimize activities/public stuff. We make breakfast at home. We go for a hike so we can set our own schedule. We spend the afternoon relaxing so we are always available for a family calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, way too many expectations on these days.

+++

You want things to be perfect, so little things that go wrong that you normally don’t notice make you crazy.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the key to happiness is low expectations. At our house the celebrated person gets to sleep in, and there is a card. Sometimes a small gift but not always. Otherwise a normal chill day.

If your DH is truly "going ballistic" that is concerning, though.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. I used to feel that way when my kids were little. Try to lower your expectations around these holidays! Here are some things I've learned that help:

1. For Mother's Day, be very clear what your expectations are. Do not expect your spouse to surprise you or make some big grand gesture. I basically say, "This weekend is Mother's Day. I'd like a gift card to get my nails done from X place and I'd like to sleep in until 10:00 that day. I also don't want to do any chores. I don't care what we eat I just don't want to make it. Also, could you help the kids make some cards for me? That always means a lot to me." Since I started doing this I've not been disappointed. My husband is a good guy, but he is not a mind reader. He now gets really into planning the food for the day and cleaning up afterwards. We rarely eat out that day because its always super crowded everywhere.

2. For Father's Day, I used to get annoyed that he would not tell me what he wanted to do or give me any guidance? So, now we just keep it super low-key and it's fine. He doesn't really care about cards or sentimental gifts. I let him sleep him and I don't ask him for much that day (he's usually a very 50/50 partner), the kids and I pick up bagels from our favorite shop, and we get him a small gift. Go the pool, make a nice dinner, done!

[Anonymous]

Eh “going ballistic” over a made up holiday is concerning OP. Sign the kids names on the card, plan ahead, stop having big expectations. Sounds like you and DH need better coping skills for dealing with little kids.

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to make things perfect, or have these super grand gestures. Some years are “bigger” than others, and it’s all fine.