Third child: just not sure!

[Anonymous]

I am 40 and have been obsessing that it's my last chance to have another baby. I'm worried about a lot of issues, but I've always wanted to have three children and now that my younger child is three, I miss having a baby! I'm worried about money, paying for private school AND college tuition (we live in DC), my health (having a baby at 41), being out of the workplace several years longer (I am a consultant who works pt from home), and buying a new house in this economy (our condo is too small for another baby).

Is anyone else going through this? Any opinions? Am I the only person who just really wants that third baby? I even have dreams about it.

[Anonymous]

DH and I weren't sure if we would have a third baby. After having our second, we just didn't feel "done" even though everything seemed to point to having just two kids (money, tuition, # of bedrooms, etc). Then nature made a decision for us! My third baby is now 5 months old and is the piece of the family that was missing. And DH and I now know for certain we are done and that having the third was the right decision for us.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't sure I was done after having three wonderful boys. I was almost 39 and my husband was reluctant to start all over. After a lot of thinking we went for #4. Ihad an easy pregnancy and now have a baby girl that the whole family is crazy about. I don't think one can ever regret haveing another child.

[Anonymous]

I think pp is correct, you will not regret another child. I would love love love one more, I had # 2 a month before turning 41. DH is dead set against anymore. b/c of our age.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree: you will not regret another child. But some day, you might regret that you didn't have one more.

[Anonymous]

I am going through this too. I am 37 and have b/g twins that are 2. I feel like if I were younger, I would definitely have a 3rd. But I am so afraid of the risks associated with having babies beyond 35 for me, as well as the child. Also, every time I think about going through all of the sleepless nights, bottles, breast feeding, I get a little queazy.

[Anonymous]

Because of health reasons, I am not having anymore children (2). DH and I both talk though, about adopting older children. We are so done with the baby stage. There are only so many consecutive years people can spend changing diapers.

[Anonymous]

We had the same dilemna. Mostly because I had very difficult pregnancies with my first two but we decided to go for it and are so blessed to have our third child. It does feel like the family is complete now. I can't really explain it, it's just a feeling.

[Anonymous]

We're debating the same thing. I'm from a family of 2, and I just don't know if the middle child syndrome is a real thing. ANy middle kids out there, or parents with 3 who worry about the middle one? How do you spend time with everyone?

Sorry to hijack, but it seems to fit in here.

[Anonymous]

Please, think about the world's dwindling resources. Do not have another child-if you really really feel the need to increase your family maybe you shoud consider adopting.

[Anonymous]

I find myself pondering this question frequently. My husband always wanted 3 kids. I wanted 1. We have two beautiful, healthy girls and are very, very fortunate. My husband says 2 is perfect, but I sort of feel like one of the other posters -- we don't feel "done." I wonder sometimes if this is hormones or a gut reaction. I'm not ready for a baby now, but things change and sometimes fate does have a way of deciding for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree: you will not regret another child. But some day, you might regret that you didn't have one more.

This is hilarious. How can you possibly know that?

[Anonymous]

Wondering the same thing as the OP. I wonder about starting all over with diapers and middle of the night feeding etc. We also think, what happens if we think we are going for 3 but end up with twins (know people this has happened to). I am one of three (all girls) so I guess this is where the number 3 got stuck in my head. For the poster that asked about middle children, my middle sister did suffer from middle child syndrome - wanting to be the peacemaker, feeling as though one parent was closer to the oldest and the other spoiled/closer to the youngest. It didn't help that her age was exactly in the middle and a big age gap from the oldest and youngest so she was really right in the middle. I think if the youngest were a boy or if she and I were maybe one or two years apart and then the youngest came along years later, there would have been a different dynamic. I do think a third in terms of daycare cost, trying to save for college , kids sharing a room/having enough bedrooms, offers for grandma/grandpa to watch the kids or even invitations to visit/stay with people, size car etc. it is a different ballgame with 3 versus 2. In the next year or so I think we will make a decision. I also think once our kids are both potty trained and can dress themselves etc., the nostalgia will be stronger and the memory of the work it took to get there will fade.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids and feel that this is just right for us. I have no doubt I'm done, as much as I love to hold and cuddle friends' babies. But I didn't feel done after DS1 so I understand where OP is coming from.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the great responses. I think I might wait another month or two to think about this more.

12:33 I hadn't even thought of middle-child syndrome. I was more worried about a third child feeling left out since my first two are so close in age. But it's a very good point.

I'm not even sure if I would easily get pregnant again at my age. It took me a few years to get pregnant the first time - plus several IUIs. The second time happened naturally, but who knows what would happen a third time?

Anyhow, thank you so much. Lots to think about. I do have that "not done yet" feeling. And as for money, etc., I suppose we could work it all out. That's the problem with being older when you have kids - you worry about money and things like that maybe TOO much. When I was younger and had nothing, I didn't worry at all about having a child! And it's all worked out.

Thanks again.