Question for SAHMs with nannies or sitters for 2 under 2

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM. I have an 18 month old and we will have a second child in 3 months. My spouse is an excellent co-parent but has a demanding job. We don’t have any family nearby, and our parents are older/unwell so even if they visited, I wouldn’t ask them for real help. I would likely end up helping them
in fact! I never thought I would say this, but I’m considering hiring some help so that everyone’s needs are met. If my first child was in nursery for part of the day, we wouldn’t need help, but my son is too young for school (nursery seems to start at 3 years). Does anyone have any input on what has worked for them in a situation like mine? And how long they needed help? I think part-time in-home childcare would do it, but I would guess the best nannies really want full-time work. Alternatively, if you did this without help, how did you make it work? Did you have any type of babysitting or strategies to juggle both young children’s needs?

I also realize that I’m lucky to be able to ask this question and I don’t think this is a problem. I just want to do what’s best for my family. Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

I think a part time sitter a couple days a week would be nice. I don’t think you need FT care, though if you want it and can afford it, you won’t regret it. The only SAHMs I knew who had that (FT nanny) had three small kids close together. Three is very difficult to manage solo especially if they’re all under three; two was not bad IME.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 15 mos apart. When the 2nd was born, #1 went to a church preschool one morning a week, a "parent's day out" program. In addition to that, a friend's nanny was happy to babysit occasionally as needed. I paid her but not as much as I would to hire a sitter since she liked having another toddler to play with her charge for a few hours. This was generally sufficient for our needs for the first year. Then the baby went to the "day out" program once a week and the older switched to 2 days per week.

The main thing I found a hassle with two little ones was grocery shopping so we just switched to having groceries delivered.

[Anonymous]

Look for someone in the mornings, maybe 8.30 through lunch? You're looking to find a nanny who has a split shift, preferably with their primary job close to you so that there will be fewer issues with reliability. A nanny with a split shift can give you all the dates ahead of time that their charges will be out of school and won't be available, but other than that, you'll just have snow days and days that their primary charges are sick.

You have the luxury of adjusting the hours you need. Your toddler sleeps during the afternoon and you don't need before/after care yet. You're not bound by the school schedule yet. Enjoy this, and you should be able to find someone reliable without too much hassle.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should definitely do this. I like staying at home and am very organized etc. but I found it, uh, not fun to manage an infant and a 2.5 year old.

I nurse and neither of my babies liked being put down for naps, and my toddler just wanted to be outside playing constantly, so it was a big juggle. I did a lot of babywearing, but it left me pretty exhausted.

I ended up using a bit too much TV until my daughter started preschool when baby was 4 months old. I also desperately invited other moms and their toddlers over to play with my daughter in the mornings as often as I could.

[Anonymous]

There are programs that start at 18 months and especially two years old. You should find those because a part time sitter is a pain to manage - they frequently quit for better gigs and it’s a lot of transitions for a kid who has a new sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 15 mos apart. When the 2nd was born, #1 went to a church preschool one morning a week, a "parent's day out" program. In addition to that, a friend's nanny was happy to babysit occasionally as needed. I paid her but not as much as I would to hire a sitter since she liked having another toddler to play with her charge for a few hours. This was generally sufficient for our needs for the first year. Then the baby went to the "day out" program once a week and the older switched to 2 days per week.

The main thing I found a hassle with two little ones was grocery shopping so we just switched to having groceries delivered.

Also, should add that #1 was an excellent sleeper - 3 hour afternoon naps + never woke up at night. And, #2 eventually got on the same nap schedule. So, I always felt like I had plenty of time in the afternoon to do things around the house. With poor sleepers I think I'd have needed more consistent help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are programs that start at 18 months and especially two years old. You should find those because a part time sitter is a pain to manage - they frequently quit for better gigs and it’s a lot of transitions for a kid who has a new sibling.

It's nice to have the ability to leave both kids with the sitter to run a complicated errand, though. I didn't have much trouble finding good part time sitters. It's true that some only lasted 6 months or so, but it was okay since they were't my kids' primary caregiver and it wasn't a big deal to "train" someone new for a few mornings/week. It's not nearly as hard or complicated as hiring a anny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are programs that start at 18 months and especially two years old. You should find those because a part time sitter is a pain to manage - they frequently quit for better gigs and it’s a lot of transitions for a kid who has a new sibling.

It's nice to have the ability to leave both kids with the sitter to run a complicated errand, though. I didn't have much trouble finding good part time sitters. It's true that some only lasted 6 months or so, but it was okay since they were't my kids' primary caregiver and it wasn't a big deal to "train" someone new for a few mornings/week. It's not nearly as hard or complicated as hiring a anny.

+1 The few mornings/week sitter is a good job for a college student or SAHM with kids in school.

[Anonymous]

I had 10 hours a week spread over two days until my youngest was 4 and went to preschool 3 days a week. Life saver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had 10 hours a week spread over two days until my youngest was 4 and went to preschool 3 days a week. Life saver.

I will say that it was expensive, and I probably could have had full time in house daycare for the same price that I had for 10 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

When our kids were that age, we got an au pair. If you have the space, this is a great solution. Because I could set the schedule each week and use split shifts, I was able to take my youngest to library programs or play dates or have the au pair take the older one out while I fed the baby or did naps. We also occasionally got a date night. We kept au pairs when our now three kids got older and it really helps with shuttling them around and not having to drag the younger ones to the older one’s activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our kids were that age, we got an au pair. If you have the space, this is a great solution. Because I could set the schedule each week and use split shifts, I was able to take my youngest to library programs or play dates or have the au pair take the older one out while I fed the baby or did naps. We also occasionally got a date night. We kept au pairs when our now three kids got older and it really helps with shuttling them around and not having to drag the younger ones to the older one’s activity.

The caveat is that your must have IQ (infant qualified, harder to find) if you have a child in the home that is under 2 AND they can't be 1-1 with an infant under 3 months old at all. They can help you with a newborn, they can hold the newborn for sleep while you cuddle your toddler across the room. But they can't be left alone with the baby until 3 months old.

[Anonymous]

Get as many nannies as you can afford. The best and happiest mother I know has two nannies during the week (three kids under 6) and two more on weekends. She gets to spend quality time with all her kids.

There are no medals for slugging it out.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks for all the kind, thoughtful responses! I didn’t even know about split shift nannies. I’m terrified to add another baby to the mix when my youngest is under 2 (have been worried it will be really tough on my son) but hopefully with a little help everyone will survive 😂.