When you have a bright toddler and a family history of both genius and mental illness.

[Anonymous]

DS is just 2.5 but is definitely advanced for his age especially in language and reasoning. DH and I are both bright (IQ’s of 130 and 142) and, so far, emotionally and mentally healthy.

My brother was a genius who killed himself at 25. My two aunts suffer from bipolar disorder. DH’s brother is very, very smart and dropped out of medical school for depression. Tragically, he’s showing signs of schizophrenia.

We want DS to be mentally and emotionally healthy more than we want him to be smart, obviously. But we don’t want to stunt his intellect either.

Our pediatrician recommended a fully play-based preschool with a laid-back attitude that teaches mindfulness and he’s starting in September. She also wants us to consider a gifted elementary school (where her kids go) because she feels he’ll be more comfortable.

So far, so good - he’s still very young. But has anyone been in this double-edged genetic situation?

[Anonymous]

The preschool you select isn’t going to change his chances of developing mental illness unless it’s an abusive atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

DH is a genius and his mother suffers from schizophrenia so I totally know where you’re coming from. It’s always been on our minds.

DD is almost 16 and very bright (we haven’t had her tested). She has always done extremely well in private school and plays three sports. Public school would have been a mistake for her.

We focus on keeping a very peaceful home and have always done everything to provide secure attachment. I do yoga with her and have since she was a toddler. DH and I alternated career demands so as to always have a parent with her. We never focus on grades or awards.

But yes, it’s a worry. And will be until she’s 35!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preschool you select isn’t going to change his chances of developing mental illness unless it’s an abusive atmosphere.

I completely disagree. Preschool choice is vitally important with the child’s personality and intellect in mind.

Montessori or French preschool would have been a mistake for my perfectionist DD. She’s bright and serious. She needed free play and a warm, social atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

Mental illness is largely gene-dependent, OP. If he develops an actual, diagnosable disorder, it won't be because you enrolled him in the "wrong" preschool.

However mental disorders also exist on a spectrum, and the threshold for a diagnosis is necessarily arbitrary. So it's true that fostering a healthy environment might lead to reduced symptoms if your child is predisposed to certain mental disorders.

By healthy environment, I mean nutrition, sleep and exercise. You need a health body and brain. A varied, colorful diet without too much processed and artificial foods is best. Sleep helps detoxify organs and store memories correctly in the brain. Exercise regulates metabolism and helps growth.

And then there is stress mitigation and a balanced approach to life - which is what you were trying to do with this preschool selection, I suppose. But at his age, it doesn't matter. What matters for stress is enough sleep, enough food and a stable home life where he has the same roof over his head most of the time and a family that doesn't yell or hit each other. I mean, the bar is lower than you think. Stress will come into play when he gets older and needs to balance good grades with extra-curriculars and volunteering.

You also need to consider that *resilience* is a better marker for success, whether it's academic, financial or mental wellbeing. Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from stressors. So you don't want to eliminate stress. You want to model and teach how to behave while anticipating, undergoing and recuperating from stress. This requires a lot of self-awareness from you, the parent.

- geneticist.

[Anonymous]

I treated my anxiety so that I stopped viewing my child as an extension of myself or the his success as the outcome of my choices. I also stopped over analyzing everything trying to guess what his future held.

It is better on this side, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I treated my anxiety so that I stopped viewing my child as an extension of myself or the his success as the outcome of my choices. I also stopped over analyzing everything trying to guess what his future held.

It is better on this side, OP.

That’s such an egotistical post. Would you write that if OP was asking about a family history of cancer or diabetes? Those of us with mental health issues in our families don’t need your ignorance and condescension.

[Anonymous]

Mental illness is not caused by (good enough) parenting. Send him to the preschool where you think he will be happy (my bias is toward play based or Emilio Reggio, but that's just my bias). Figure out what elementary school is best for him when he's 4.

There is a lot of mental illness in DH's family (bipolar, depression, suicide, psychosis) so I understand your worry. But you will neither cause nor prevent those things in your choice of preschool.

[Anonymous]

The most important thing to do is to avoid adverse childhood experiences to whatever extent you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The preschool you select isn’t going to change his chances of developing mental illness unless it’s an abusive atmosphere.

I completely disagree. Preschool choice is vitally important with the child’s personality and intellect in mind.

Montessori or French preschool would have been a mistake for my perfectionist DD. She’s bright and serious. She needed free play and a warm, social atmosphere.

Preschool choice is important, but it is not going to stop a child from developing bipolar or schizophrenia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing to do is to avoid adverse childhood experiences to whatever extent you can.

Right, and going to Preschool A instead of Preschool B is not an adverse childhood event. Nor is going to public school instead of private, or not being in the gifted program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing to do is to avoid adverse childhood experiences to whatever extent you can.

Yes, this. The most important thing is for you and your husband to be loving, supportive parents that provide a stable and validating environment all the time at home. Try not to die, prioritize the health of your marriage and finances, and don’t get divorced.

[Anonymous]

I think there’s some evidence that these things are related to inflammation in the brain. So what the geneticist above said re: sleep and nutrition is good advice. If your child shows signs of allergies, get air filters and dust covers etc. Of course you want to limit stress and ACE but it doesn’t sound as if your child will have that.

As someone with IQ 160+ and young kids like yours, I’d say definitely good to go with a school with strong socioemotional curriculum. Spent lots of time in nature, build a good community. Your child’s challenges in life are likely not to be academic but rather having to do with seeing the world differently than 99.9% of people but still having to live in a society based on how the majority thinks and feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing to do is to avoid adverse childhood experiences to whatever extent you can.

Right, and going to Preschool A instead of Preschool B is not an adverse childhood event. Nor is going to public school instead of private, or not being in the gifted program.

I disagree! I think a genius kid going to a huge public school where he doesn’t fit in can start depression. A messed up elementary school experience is an adverse childhood experience.

And I do think preschool matters - not in predicting or preventive mental illness - but finding the preschool that will “feed” your child’s needs.

Giving a young child coping skills and engaging in language that is mindful can only help, OP. I think you’re on the right track. There is so much about mental illness that is still unknown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s some evidence that these things are related to inflammation in the brain. So what the geneticist above said re: sleep and nutrition is good advice. If your child shows signs of allergies, get air filters and dust covers etc. Of course you want to limit stress and ACE but it doesn’t sound as if your child will have that.

As someone with IQ 160+ and young kids like yours, I’d say definitely good to go with a school with strong socioemotional curriculum. Spent lots of time in nature, build a good community. Your child’s challenges in life are likely not to be academic but rather having to do with seeing the world differently than 99.9% of people but still having to live in a society based on how the majority thinks and feels.

Excellent advice!