how to respond to teen niece coming out?
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Anonymous
| I just learned my teen niece is non binary and will be letting me know in person. we aren't super close, but I do want her to know that I support her without being too cheesy (ie what does "support" even mean? elders on my side of the family tend to be LGBTQ averse so i know she is nervous to let us know. I personally don't care about anyone's sexuality and her announcement will not make any difference in how I feel about her. I want what is best for her and if she's happy, then all is well. But again, I want to say all this without making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. |
Anonymous
| I'm sure hallmark makes a card for it now |
Anonymous
| I love you. Please let me know if there are pronouns you want me to use that are new to us. |
Anonymous
| If you are happy, I am happy! |
Anonymous
|
If you don't know what to say (and I wouldn't either), beyond that you love her no matter what and you want her to be happy... just listen. Ask questions: how is she feeling now? How is her friend group? What about her school atmosphere, is it friendly? I mean, whatever innocuous question that is suggested by what she's telling you.
I wonder why she wants to tell you in person. It must be difficult if the family isn't necessarily open and friendly about it. My family is socially conservative and uptight about such subjects. Nobody would want to talk about it! |
Anonymous
I love you? Absolutely! The second part? No. |
Anonymous
|
I love you and I will always be available if you need someone to talk to.
Some things depend on the age of your niece of course, and your relationship with the "elders" -- but sometimes a comment like, I know dealing with the extended family can be hard sometimes -- they may not fully understand right now, but they will come around. [I typically insert a personal anecdote about my parents/grandparents not understanding things I went through in my teens here]. |
Anonymous
| I would tell them that they aren’t the first lgbtq non binary person to come out to you and that it doesn’t change the way that you feel about them but you’re glad that they told you. Then give a cheesy hug. |
Anonymous
Why not the second part? I love you, and thank you for telling me. How can I support you? |
Anonymous
| “Good to know. How is school going?” It’s not a big deal and you don’t need to filter what you say or ask. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| My 80 year old parents got a giant pride flag for their house when my nephew came out. That seemed like a good gesture. |
Anonymous
|
FYI non-binary is about gender, not sexuality.
Gender is if you identify as male, female, both or neither (more options here but this is a general description). Sexuality is who you are attracted to. Your family member who was born female and identifies non- binary may be attracted to male, female, both or non- binary (or other). I would NOT comment on her sexuality unless she brings it up. |
Anonymous
| This is great! I don’t want to screw up, so please tell me if I’m getting anything wrong. I’m proud of you. |
Anonymous
| I'm happy you're comfortable sharing with me. I love you. Let me know if there is any way I can support you. |