Getting cut from the team

[Anonymous]

My DS was the only kid in his group of friends cut from a summer travel baseball team. He's really upset. Part of it is that he wanted to make the team. Part of it is that it's all his friends are talking about. Part of it is the social aspect - kids hang out afterward et cetera.

I feel terrible for him. He is also justifiably upset. He had a good tryout, but two of the kids who made the team, one of whom struck out at each at bat, have dads who are coaches. It felt political too.

Three of the moms texted me asking if they should ask their sons not to talk about it around my son. Which made me feel even worse for him, like they're trying to now protect him out of pity.

Then one of the coaches emailed me asking if my son would like to "manage" the team, which means he would travel with the team but not play. I don't totally know what it entails. But maybe this would make my DS feel pathetic. I just got the email and have yet to bring it up to him.

Just kind of processing my thoughts here.

This comes hot on the heels of an ADHD diagnosis for my son. It's been a rough spring for him. He is upset about maybe needing medication and now this.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, that stinks.
Sitting and watching the games would be really tough for my kid with adhd.
If he really likes baseball what about just signing him up for one of the baseball camps thru the Nats, Big Train, etc.? That way he can feel like he is doing something positive to get back where he wants to be with the sport?
I hate these competitive leagues for kids this young. It is my number one least favorite thing about living in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was the only kid in his group of friends cut from a summer travel baseball team. He's really upset. Part of it is that he wanted to make the team. Part of it is that it's all his friends are talking about. Part of it is the social aspect - kids hang out afterward et cetera.

I feel terrible for him. He is also justifiably upset. He had a good tryout, but two of the kids who made the team, one of whom struck out at each at bat, have dads who are coaches. It felt political too.

Three of the moms texted me asking if they should ask their sons not to talk about it around my son. Which made me feel even worse for him, like they're trying to now protect him out of pity.

Then one of the coaches emailed me asking if my son would like to "manage" the team, which means he would travel with the team but not play. I don't totally know what it entails. But maybe this would make my DS feel pathetic. I just got the email and have yet to bring it up to him.

Just kind of processing my thoughts here.

This comes hot on the heels of an ADHD diagnosis for my son. It's been a rough spring for him. He is upset about maybe needing medication and now this.

WWYD?

They're trying to protect him because they care about his feelings and his is a child. Is that pity? Sounds like a good thing to me.

Gently, I think you may be projecting your own feelings--ask your DS what he wants to do. Does he want to manage the team? Or does he want to just not be reminded at all? Either response is normal. Support what he chooses and help him work through the feelings. It does sound like it has been a rough spring for the poor kid. He's fortunate to have an empathetic parent ready to stick up for him.

[Anonymous]

That’s really kind of the coach to still want to include your son in the team. I think that would be a good way for him to continue to be part of the social scene and he won’t miss out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s really kind of the coach to still want to include your son in the team. I think that would be a good way for him to continue to be part of the social scene and he won’t miss out.

an elementary school team manager would be horrible. What kid wants to watch other kids play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was the only kid in his group of friends cut from a summer travel baseball team. He's really upset. Part of it is that he wanted to make the team. Part of it is that it's all his friends are talking about. Part of it is the social aspect - kids hang out afterward et cetera.

I feel terrible for him. He is also justifiably upset. He had a good tryout, but two of the kids who made the team, one of whom struck out at each at bat, have dads who are coaches. It felt political too.

Three of the moms texted me asking if they should ask their sons not to talk about it around my son. Which made me feel even worse for him, like they're trying to now protect him out of pity.

Then one of the coaches emailed me asking if my son would like to "manage" the team, which means he would travel with the team but not play. I don't totally know what it entails. But maybe this would make my DS feel pathetic. I just got the email and have yet to bring it up to him.

Just kind of processing my thoughts here.

This comes hot on the heels of an ADHD diagnosis for my son. It's been a rough spring for him. He is upset about maybe needing medication and now this.

WWYD?

that's how teams with volunteer coaching work. No-one is volunteering to coach for a team their kid is cut from, and having coaches is more valuable to the club than having a marginally bette play. Political would be them dragging in their kids' friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s really kind of the coach to still want to include your son in the team. I think that would be a good way for him to continue to be part of the social scene and he won’t miss out.

For my kids it would be so much worse. They would ls be a surrounded by a team everyone knew they didn’t make. It could be a fun social time but my kids would hate it. DS was the only one of his friends to not make a basketball team a couple of years ago. We found a different place for him to play and other social opportunities where he could still hang out with those friends. Kids adapt and getting cut from teams is going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not manage the team? I had a HS boyfriend who managed all the sports teams. His lifelong goal was to be a sports reporter. Total sports geek, and on air within a few years of college graduation.

[Anonymous]

When this happened to my DS, being team manager would have made it 100% worse. It would have been rubbing it in, forcing him to think about it all summer.

My DS was sad about it but got over it in a day. We quickly shifted focus to fun summer plans, signed him up for additional activities, etc. The friend thing did not factor in much since his baseball friends were separate then. He didn’t hang out with them outside of baseball much.

Don’t blame coaches kids and whatnot. Not worthwhile and will give your son a bad attitude if he hears it. If it is close skill wise, yes the coaches kid will make the team.

My son made the team the following year and played great! Played the next 3 summers in a row, in fact. Not making that team motivated him to do a bit of extra practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not manage the team? I had a HS boyfriend who managed all the sports teams. His lifelong goal was to be a sports reporter. Total sports geek, and on air within a few years of college graduation.

Because being a manager in HS is a lot different than being the manager in ES who got a pity invite from a coach who cut him.

[Anonymous]

I'd let a bit of time pass (a few days) and then ask your son what he would like to do about the team manager position.

I am perplexed about why the other moms would text you with a question like that. The answer seems obvious, the kids should not go out of their way to bring it up in front of your son, but if it happens to come up necessarily (e.g., they have practice and can't hang out on a given day), be honest but considerate of your son's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Also, please know that an adhd dx isn’t a bad thing. Knowing and understanding how your brain works and what can help you live and work best is super helpful. Please try to frame it as such rather than there’s something “wrong” with him.

[Anonymous]

Try outs are important but so are evaluations from past play. My DH coached DS team for a few years and he was suppose to leave information about each kids skill level and behavior for the league. A kid can have a rough try out but really solid past comments and be drafter higher then you might think. We are only in rec ball so I am not sure what info is passed onto travel teams. Our Rec League does have a travel team as well and the Coaches who select the kids for the travel team will have seen how the kids play in past seasons. So yes, try outs are a piece of the puzzle, but only one part of the piece.

And yes, if there are two kids who are close in skills and one parent has coached in the past and the other kids parent has not, the nod is likely to go to the kid whose parent has coached. It is hard to find volunteers to work with the kids, keep score, run concessions and all that fun stuff. If the Head Coach or selection committee doesn't think that there is going to be that much of a difference in skill, they are going to take the kid whose parents will chip in and help.

Very little of that helps your kid, I get that. It stings not making the team. I think that it is great that the other parents realize that this is hard for him and are trying to look out for him, that shows that he has a good group of friends and parents of those friends.

Ask him about being the Manager, see if he is interested in that option. it might be hard to watch but maybe he would get to participate in practices and improve. Maybe he can reach out to the Coach and ask what he needs to work on so that he has a better shot next year. it could give him something to work on this summer and it shows the Coach that he is interested in learning and improving. Look for some summer camps that he could participate in and improve his skills with.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. I would not accept the “manager” role. He won’t learn anything from it at this age, and will be very awkward for him IMO.

The good news, is if they offered him that, he is well liked and probably barely missed making the team.

Focus on a fun summer ahead. Non- baseball things (other than practicing if he WANTS to, or maybe signing up for baseball skills sessions or camps if he wants to)

If he wants to make the team next year, I’d have him work on whatever his strength is, after a break. If he can pitch, work on that. They’ll always take the top few pitchers. Interested in catching? Buy used gear and learn, ask to play there during rec ball- catchers have an advantage in making these teams as well. They need a lot of pitching and catching to get through tournaments. Also work on out fielding skills- a surprising number of younger kids struggle in the outfield (and many have a poor attitude about playing OF as well, IME). Take him to the batting cages and play catch with him if he wants.

BTDT and am on my 3rd kid playing baseball/softball. Figured out the ropes after kid #1.

[Anonymous]

He’s in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. He wants to be around his friends. Yes, by all means let him “manage” the team. Also if anyone drops out or gets injured, sometimes they’ll pull the “manager” back into the team.