Pros and Cons of being a "Lifer" (same school pre-k-12)

[Anonymous]

Anyone on this board have experience with having children attend the same private school from pre-K or K all the way through to 12? What are the advantages and disadvantages? What has been your child's and your experience?

DC will be entering a private starting from pre-K that goes through 12. We like the idea of DC being with the same cohort for the next 13 years for emotional stability. We also like the idea of DC (and us, frankly) not having to go through the admissions process again (hopefully). We also like the idea of joining a community of parents we will get to know over the next decade +. What are the drawbacks that we should consider?

[Anonymous]

That the child could feel stifled, not emotionally stable, by being with the same kids for 13 years.

That the child will be an entirely different person than who you imagined when she's 11 or 14, and the MS/HS isn't actually a good fit.

That the child will have a key interest or strength that the HS cannot accommodate. see, eg, GDS and high-caliber football.

. . .

I have heard now probably 25 times from real people that they "don't want to go through this application process again!!!!!" I mean this sincerely -- what is so damn traumatic about it? It is not as if they stick bamboo shoots up your fingernails.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP -- and want to mention that even children in K8 schools can discover a new interest or talent that leads them to apply out before high school. There's no guarantee that any school that fits now will fit later.

[Anonymous]

I went to the same school from pk-12 and it was a good experience. There was a strong sense of community, a true "family" feel. Of course, the student body wasn't static. People came and went, so it wasn't like you were always surrounded by the same people. But, I am still friends with people I befriended in kindergarten. Because everybody knew everybody else and their families, it was very supportive. Kids did not fall through the cracks. Sure, by the time we were in 12th grade we were really ready to leave. I was dying to get out "into the world" and go to a large university where I could be anonymous. But I think that's a good thing. We had the stable, strong community when we needed it and it prepared us well to move on to bigger things.

The main downside to being in such a "family" setting was that like most families, there was a fair share of gossip and a bit of the type of disfunctional dynamics that you get when a bunch of people know each other very well. It was nothing terrible, mind you, but sometimes we wished there was a little more anonimity once we reached the teeenage years.

[Anonymous]

The one con I can think of is that K-12 schools tuition would be higher since they need to support the fancy new science lab, gym, library mostly used by middle and upper school students. A K-8 school wouldn't have such a need to keep up w/ other K-12 schools. If $ is not a consideration, I guess it wouldn't matter.

[Anonymous]

If it's a good fit now, no need to consider the drawbacks 10:01 cites. If they exist for your DC(s) at this particular school, they'll arise later and you will be in a better position to deal with them then. Re tuition/costs -- you know what they are now.

[Anonymous]

Actually most of the K-12 schools have big entry points at 6th and 9th grades. I was told at one of the K-12 schools that only about a half (or less) of the graduating class were "lifers."

[Anonymous]

NP here -- Ok so it wasnt like they stuck bamboo shoots up our fingernails but it is quite a bit of time that gets taken up and a whole lot of uncertainty and the realization of what a crapshoot the process can be. Why taken this on again unless strictly necessary?

[Anonymous]

I was a lifer: N-12 (15 years total). Kindergarten was the only year the class grew significantly, so it was essentially the same 100+ kids, with some moving away and some moving in.

Cons: the cliques don't change much over time. There aren't easy opportunities to "reinvent" yourself, which is something a lot of early teens want to do. Partially because the kids have known each other so long, there isn't much dating.

Pros: you really get to know each other. There isn't much dating. The some of the high school students were also counselors at the summer day camp or worked with the younger kids on various projects. It was kinda cool to have them on the same campus. The high school put on a spring festival that was mostly geared toward the lower school kids. Some of the lower school teachers were coaches for the high school teams, giving a level of continuity and warmth.

By attending a PK-12 school, your child has the option of attending that school for 14 years. Your child also has the option of applying to other schools if it is no longer a good fit later. Kids change. Schools sometimes change.

Having been a lifer, I don't have a good way to compare it to going to separate lower, middle and high schools. I applied to boarding schools and chose to stay, so there were definitely good things about it.

I'd say pay attention to your kid and don't worry until it no longer feels like a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Don't know about my kids yet (purposely picked a school that didn't go all of the way through), but I went to the same school from nursery through HS and it was VERY small and NOT GOOD for me.

Around 11 years old, almost all adolescents want to change it up a little bit, get a little wiggle room for a new identity, and that is virtually impossible in a small school when you are lifer. You are labeled pretty early (the super smart one, the rebellious one, the class pres, the alternative one, the creative one, the slacker one, the legacy one, the musical one, the sporty one) and it is HARD to change that identity. The whole community supports an idea that could be over ten years old and it REALLY sucks if you happen to make some errors in judgment, mistakes, or any other normal part of adolescence.

I wouldn't recommend it. I personally think every child deserves a chance to make new friends, keep the old, and discover new parts of their personality. A new school allows the jock to be in the play. Or the fuck up to succeed, or the the little priss to head up the volunteer group. I think it gets them ready for the biggest change up: college.

[Anonymous]

10:01 not sure why you had to be so nasty. The fact is that OP can send her DC to the school and if that parade of horribles does set in, they can apply out. No biggie.

I have two children and have been through the process five times. I think its a pretty awful process and would love to be spared it in the future. This is not to say I wouldn't do it again if a child needed to apply out (I have done that) but it is draining and dispiriting to go through it.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't a "lifer" at my school, but there was obviously a cohort who were "lifers". I certainly felt that there was a strong bond among the lifers, but at the same time, I certainly felt included when I came to the school, and was friends with both long time students and new kids. This was true in my future expansion years as well.

My sense is that yes, particularly at really small schools, it can feel confining socially. At the same time, there are very strong bonds which are life lasting, to say the least.

I think those who really succeeded socially also had activities and friends outside of the school, so it wasn't an "all-in" situation. I think this can be balanced successfully, but it take work on the part of the parents and kids to recognize when outside efforts should be made.

[Anonymous]

12.14 -- you made some excellent points - which I must admit I hadn't even thought of before. I was educated in a foreign country where there were less "individual identity" type issues because of a generally stricter and more intense (militaristic) school environment (uniforms etc etc). But the points you made have made me rethink my preference for a single K-12 school. On the other hand, given that these issues come up much later, starting at a Prek-3 type school and changing at grade 3 isn't quite enough as is it?