Baby Celebration Etiquette

[Anonymous]

I am pregnant with my second child. My best friend offered to throw me a small shower. I declined, but said a gathering of close friends to celebrate (without gifts) would be fine. So, she's having a small (about ten folks) event at her house. My MIL is very upset that she's not invited. I just can't imagine hanging out with my girlfriends with my MIL. Am I violating some sort of etiquette code here? Help!

[Anonymous]

Is your mother or any other female relative invited? Tell her they aren't and that this isn't a shower and is just some girlfriends getting together.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are, but I have MIL issues We didn't invite my husband's mom to our baby shower for exactly the reason you mentioned - that hanging out with our friends would be hard with her around. I would just tell her that it's a small gathering of just your friends thrown for you by a friend and that if she wants to have some kind of family party, you'd love to do that.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My sister is invited, but my mother is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My sister is invited, but my mother is not.

You'll just have to claim the generational divide, which is obviously one way the hostess planned the get together.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation (second child, small lunch gathering without gifts) and my mother in law is not invited. In fact when I told her about it she said - "I wouldn't expect to be, it is a group of your generation." So I don't think you are violating any code at all. You might just need to realign her expectations for the event. Like the PP said, claim the generational divide.

[Anonymous]

Why did you tell your MIL if you didn't plan on having her attend? While I agree that she doesn't need to be there, she hears "shower" and thinks it is one of those traditional gatherings with games and such -- not just a bunch of girlfriends getting together. I can understand why she feels left out.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you everyone for your responses. To clarify, I did not tell my MIL that my friend is throwing me a "shower". DH told her I would be at my friend's celebrating the new baby because he wanted her to come over at the same time to spend time with our two-year-old. He did tell her that it was just my friends, but she's still upset. Hopefully, the emphasis on it just being my friends will suffice.

[Anonymous]

Yup I agree with everyone else. You are getting together with some friends. Obviously she shouldn't be invited. As someone said, if she wants to plan a small gathering with her family, then let her. This isn't the venue for her to attend though.