Separating twins

[Anonymous]

When did you separate your twins in school? If you didn't, why not?

[Anonymous]

I think the recent reasearch says that it should be the decision of the twins.
The schools don't get that yet.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor asked that her twins be in the same K class and the guidance counselor said okay. The principal said no after that and they were separated. It has worked out fine but it was not a good intro to the school for my neighbor who thought it was just the principal having a power trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor asked that her twins be in the same K class and the guidance counselor said okay. The principal said no after that and they were separated. It has worked out fine but it was not a good intro to the school for my neighbor who thought it was just the principal having a power trip.

The best thing to do is a literature search about the recent research. Then present that to the principal, if that does not work, call the school board. I am tired of uneducated staff at these schools.

[Anonymous]

THere were multiple sets of twins in my class growing up. Clearly before all the literature that PP is referring to.
They were all separated in the 1st grade. All were fine.

I ask this sincerely: what is the point of keeping them together? Yes, they are twins. However, they are going to have to follow their own paths as some point and like all other kids do. I don't see how keeping them together is helping them at all. But, again, I don't have twins and don't know about the studies being referred to. So, am curious.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I realize the recent research generally supports separating twins in school and ensuring that they have many opportunities to be independent of each other. I'm on board with that and think that our twins will really benefit from that in the near future. I'm just wondering when people took the plunge. Our identical twins are only 3, love to be together, rely on each other for many things, etc. so we're just trying to figure out if next year is too soon for them. I was just curious what other people had done. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize the recent research generally supports separating twins in school and ensuring that they have many opportunities to be independent of each other. I'm on board with that and think that our twins will really benefit from that in the near future. I'm just wondering when people took the plunge. Our identical twins are only 3, love to be together, rely on each other for many things, etc. so we're just trying to figure out if next year is too soon for them. I was just curious what other people had done. Thanks!

I thought that there was recent research that said there is no downside to keeping them together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize the recent research generally supports separating twins in school and ensuring that they have many opportunities to be independent of each other. I'm on board with that and think that our twins will really benefit from that in the near future. I'm just wondering when people took the plunge. Our identical twins are only 3, love to be together, rely on each other for many things, etc. so we're just trying to figure out if next year is too soon for them. I was just curious what other people had done. Thanks!

Respectfully, I think you just made the counterpoint yourself. All the other children in the class are also only three, yes? And, won't they learn to manage their way in class without anyone else to rely on? Why would you want to deprive your children of the self-sufficiency and independence?

[Anonymous]

In VA it is state law that the parents decide whether to separate or not. My twins are in K, together, and will be separated in 1st. They are ready to be separate, have asked to be separated and I think it will be in both of their best interests.

[Anonymous]

my kid's school leaves it up to the parents. In preK, 2 sets of twins together, K, 2 sets of twins together. No twins in 1st or 2nd.

[Anonymous]

Twin parent here. OP, Trust your gut and find educators with twin experience. Any preschool-K level with an absolute policy sounds suspect IMO. We were ambivalent, and clueless, at age 3. Our boys had never been in daycare or big groups of same age kids and spoke mostly Spanish with our family. School recommended starting them out together to help them (and us) transition and then check in mid-year to see how twins were adjusting. For age 4 they were semi-separated. Teacher arranged about 90 min a day when boys were in activities in separate rooms/groups. In K they will be separate since they've started having separate friends. HTH

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. 13:43 especially helpful!

[Anonymous]

My identical twin and I were separated from pre-school on. It was a mistake, and it undermined our relationship. Let twins stay together until one or both needs more space.

[Anonymous]

My identicals separated in K b/c that was the first time their school had separate classrooms for them. It worked out fine. It has been interesting to watch the dynamics change over time. I don't think it was always a good thing to have "separate friends" b/c they didn't think they could both be friends with the same person. ("No, he's not my friend, he's Joe's friend.") In middle school they are now back in all of the same classes together for academic reasons, and it is great to see the spirit of cooperation that is so special with identicals. I agree it is important to find a school that is willing to be flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twin parent here. OP, Trust your gut and find educators with twin experience.

13:43 here. To add on pp. Double check they've worked with identicals and that experience is recent. A well-established private school told us their policy of separating preschool twins was based on their experience that "twins upset the social dynamic" of a class. When I pressed them on their "experience", they pretty much said flat out they don't often admit twins anyway. (But they seemed happy to take two application fees.)

This was our wake-up call that there are some prejudiced attitudes out there about twins, even from so-called experts.

By contrast, we found a small school that was open-minded and supportive. They gave specific example of current and recent students. And upfront set the expectation that they would not put us through the hell of accepting one but putting another on waitlist. (Yes, some schools will dangle one slot in front of you.)

So don't be discouraged! There will be a great school out there for your kids.