To deal (or not to deal) with disgruntled parents

[Anonymous]

Every year, right after acceptances, a second wave of gossip concerning "who is leaving" hits the playgrounds.


If a family moves from private to public, there is usually some initial surprise, but most people don't give it another thought (and this goes for families going from public to private too).


If a family moves from private to another private, however, you seem to hear a lot more about it. Sometimes, it is the family itself that can't say enough about whatever "problem" it had at the school they are leaving. You'll hear them at social events, on the playground, at the lacrosse games. It is almost like a terrible break up.....you feel sort of bad, and they may have some valid points, but enough already.......


Anyway, this year, we have a parent transferring out of our school that is not going to leave without making her gripes known to every teacher and parent that will listen. She def. has an axe to grind - and I feel for her, but honestly, I take issue with trying to take the whole down with her before she leaves.


I'm guessing schools deal with this sort of thing all of the time - I don't want to get involved, but I'm curious if others have ever had a school-bashing parent in their child's class, and if so, how they handled it if they were trying to stir up trouble in your presence. I hate the thought of dealing with this for the next few months....advice??

[Anonymous]

We had one like that all year last year. Everybody just ignored her. To be honest, we were so glad she was leaving that we put up with it. Are you worried that she'll ruin the reputation of the school? Or is it just annoying for you?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes, however, a parent has important information. Schools have really terrible feedback mechanisms, in my view, and a broad sharing of information, even if it is griping, can be very useful. Rather than people taking an "us vs. them" attitude, why not hear it for what it is worth. Maybe not much, but maybe yes. In this case, you acknowedged the parent has a legit axe to grind.

[Anonymous]

See the Flint Hill thread for examples of more disgruntlement.

[Anonymous]

Is she right?

[Anonymous]

OP here - these posts are great - they are helping to clarify what I'm trying to better understand. The situation is above all annoying, but I'm also put off because this parent clearly wants to influence others to jump on her band wagon. I don't think she's the most credible source to hurt the reputation of the school, but as long as she's still here (and accepted elsewhere), it creates a bit of an elephant in the room which isn't good either. I def. do not think the parent is right, but what I do worry about is the attempt to fire up the rumor mill.

[Anonymous]

OP again - and I also agree that I hope the school takes a look at what happened and tries to handle things more diplomatically in the future.

[Anonymous]

Same situation in this forum-- there's the haters of Maret, Lowell, Green Acres, Beauvior, Sidwell, Grace, etc, who always chime in with thier rumors, complaints and concerns whenever advice about the school is requested. I think you have to take all comments of people's personal experience of any school as their personal experience only. Especially if, like on this anonymous forum, the complainers don't take their concerns to the school adminstration, where they can potentially be addressed.

When I have been in your shoes (we had a complainer who left our school a year ago) I just said something like gosh, sorry to hear that, our experience has been so different. .. did you talk to the Head of School about this?

[Anonymous]

I'm hoping the Grace hater will go away, now that the head of school, who she apparently detested, is leaving. That one seemed really personal.

[Anonymous]

another take; We left private for private a few years back. We loved many aspects of the old school; there were some significant problems that others may not have encountered. We were vocal about those good aspects, why - great respect for wonderful teachers and continued encouragement on those things the school did very well. Also recognition that the school works well for many families that we have great respect for too. We were silent on the reasons why we left, but we did have board members reach out and we shared appropriately the reasons focusing on facts. Our sense is that it was helpful for the board and manner in which it was done, was more likely to have positive change.

[Anonymous]

Wish that everyone would follow your lead, PP... your approach was right on.

[Anonymous]

Ditto PP - I'm not sure why some parents feel the need to create so much drama. I have only seen this a few times, and both times, something did not seem right about the parents emotionally - suggesting a larger issue of some sort. Strange and sort of sad.

[Anonymous]

The good news for you, OP, is that the disgruntled parent is actually leaving. We have a drama-queen PITA parent at our school who gripes and carps about absolutely EVERYTHING, yet shows no sign of actually leaving. If she truly had even half the concerns she SAYS she does, I cannot imagine continuing to pay so much money. I think she just likes to be the center of the conversation, but I have finally learned to slowly, gracefully extricate myself from such conversations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year, right after acceptances, a second wave of gossip concerning "who is leaving" hits the playgrounds.


If a family moves from private to public, there is usually some initial surprise, but most people don't give it another thought (and this goes for families going from public to private too).


If a family moves from private to another private, however, you seem to hear a lot more about it. Sometimes, it is the family itself that can't say enough about whatever "problem" it had at the school they are leaving. You'll hear them at social events, on the playground, at the lacrosse games. It is almost like a terrible break up.....you feel sort of bad, and they may have some valid points, but enough already.......


Anyway, this year, we have a parent transferring out of our school that is not going to leave without making her gripes known to every teacher and parent that will listen. She def. has an axe to grind - and I feel for her, but honestly, I take issue with trying to take the whole down with her before she leaves.


I'm guessing schools deal with this sort of thing all of the time - I don't want to get involved, but I'm curious if others have ever had a school-bashing parent in their child's class, and if so, how they handled it if they were trying to stir up trouble in your presence. I hate the thought of dealing with this for the next few months....advice??

What grade level are you talking about? Preschool? Lower school?

[Anonymous]

Run, don't walk away. Don't be associated with her. If she has ANY valid points, she is shooting herself in the foot with her immature attitude toward handling her problems. That, and the private school community is SCARY small....her reputation will precede her....too bad.

But you do not want to be seen or heard as a sympathizer. So, scoot when you see her on the playground. Make a "very important" call, etc etc.