First time with au pair- vacation questions

[Anonymous]

We have finally found an au pair and our so excited! We are planning a family trip for the end of the summer and the au pair will come with us (not really working, but a great chance for her to see the another part of the country, and we will be going to lots of fun events/festivals while there). It will be very shortly after she arrives, so we also think it will be a fun bonding event!

This is our first time with an au pair, and we are still learning the ropes. For hotel purposes- does the au pair need a fully separate room- or if we get a 2 room suite, where it's connected (joint bathroom and kitchenette) but different beds in different rooms, with a door separater- is that enough?

Are there recommendations for how to travel with Au Pairs? Is it better to try and rent a house via airbnb?

Other things we may not have thought of? (We already had her plane ticket booked-refundable if necessary, and are getting her tickets to join the events we will be going to.).

We are also trying to build in some time for her to see a few places on her own in the other place- is that a good idea or would it be too intimidating to think she may want to do some sight seeing without the family?

The vacation will be 5 days- so not a ton of time but some.

[Anonymous]

Yes, she should have her own room or you put the kids in your room and give her the second room in the suite. She should not share with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she should have her own room or you put the kids in your room and give her the second room in the suite. She should not share with the kids.

OP here- yep that was the plan- lots of the hotels we were looking at have the 2 room suites, where 1 room has 2 double beds (us + kids) and then a separate place with either a sleeper sofa or an additional queen bed. Follow-up- if there is one that only has the sleeper sofa, is that ok- or should we only do ones that have a traditional full/double/queen bed in the second room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are also trying to build in some time for her to see a few places on her own in the other place- is that a good idea or would it be too intimidating to think she may want to do some sight seeing without the family?

I'd give her encouragement to sightsee if she wants, but don't make it seem like you're trying to get rid of her. Her interest in getting out on her won would be dependent on her personality, her stage of culture shock, her ability to move around on her own (public transportation where you are), etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she should have her own room or you put the kids in your room and give her the second room in the suite. She should not share with the kids.

OP here- yep that was the plan- lots of the hotels we were looking at have the 2 room suites, where 1 room has 2 double beds (us + kids) and then a separate place with either a sleeper sofa or an additional queen bed. Follow-up- if there is one that only has the sleeper sofa, is that ok- or should we only do ones that have a traditional full/double/queen bed in the second room?

She must have her own room and proper bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she should have her own room or you put the kids in your room and give her the second room in the suite. She should not share with the kids.

OP here- yep that was the plan- lots of the hotels we were looking at have the 2 room suites, where 1 room has 2 double beds (us + kids) and then a separate place with either a sleeper sofa or an additional queen bed. Follow-up- if there is one that only has the sleeper sofa, is that ok- or should we only do ones that have a traditional full/double/queen bed in the second room?

She must have her own room and proper bed.

That’s not true for vacation. Not a rule anyway. We tell au pairs they can come and what the sleeping arrangements will be. Take it or leave it. (Since it’s truly not a working trip when we invite them, I mean this. No obligation to come.)

[Anonymous]

OP, if she's not working, she's not required to have a separate room. If she is, she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she should have her own room or you put the kids in your room and give her the second room in the suite. She should not share with the kids.

OP here- yep that was the plan- lots of the hotels we were looking at have the 2 room suites, where 1 room has 2 double beds (us + kids) and then a separate place with either a sleeper sofa or an additional queen bed. Follow-up- if there is one that only has the sleeper sofa, is that ok- or should we only do ones that have a traditional full/double/queen bed in the second room?

She must have her own room and proper bed.

That’s not true for vacation. Not a rule anyway. We tell au pairs they can come and what the sleeping arrangements will be. Take it or leave it. (Since it’s truly not a working trip when we invite them, I mean this. No obligation to come.)

Yes, but if they work even 1 hour, then it is a working trip and they get their own room.

Even on a working trip, I do think a fully extended sleeper sofa with sheets and pillows counts as a bed. It just needs to be in its own room with a locking door. The door matter more than the type of bed. You can't be passing through her room to get to the bathroom, either, as the rule is that she should have her privacy and separate space.

We go to visit my parents and our au pair is always welcome to join, but it's never a working trip because they don't have another spare room. She's welcome to join, but the only sleeping option is a fold out sofa in the living room. Her choice if she wants to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she's not working, she's not required to have a separate room. If she is, she is.

This is so lame. Give the girl some privacy.

Op - you need to be very specific when she is working when when she is not. Do not blend those times with respect to her ‘helping out’ when she’s off. If a kid is tantruming and she is off, do not expect her to step in and help if another adult is available. She may help, but do not expect it. If you expect her to help at all with kids during travel, then that counts as working hours. Try to give her chunks of time off to let her do what she wants if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Would you want to go on a trip where you share a bathroom with your brand-new boss? For a long-standing au pair I could maybe make a case for the suite, but for someone who’s just joined your family, give her a completely separate room. Everyone will appreciate it, and it will help get things off on the right foot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you want to go on a trip where you share a bathroom with your brand-new boss? For a long-standing au pair I could maybe make a case for the suite, but for someone who’s just joined your family, give her a completely separate room. Everyone will appreciate it, and it will help get things off on the right foot.

I would if I were getting a free trip to a place I wanted to go. Even today but especially when I was 20.

In fact when I first started working, employers sometimes made business travelers share hotel rooms with two double beds, sharing not just a bathroom but a sleeping space. Anyone else remember that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she's not working, she's not required to have a separate room. If she is, she is.

This is so lame. Give the girl some privacy.

Op - you need to be very specific when she is working when when she is not. Do not blend those times with respect to her ‘helping out’ when she’s off. If a kid is tantruming and she is off, do not expect her to step in and help if another adult is available. She may help, but do not expect it. If you expect her to help at all with kids during travel, then that counts as working hours. Try to give her chunks of time off to let her do what she wants if she wants to.

PP is right - helping is working. But OP also doesn't need to bankrupt herself. These are young women- if she wants to come on vacation she may need to share space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you want to go on a trip where you share a bathroom with your brand-new boss? For a long-standing au pair I could maybe make a case for the suite, but for someone who’s just joined your family, give her a completely separate room. Everyone will appreciate it, and it will help get things off on the right foot.

I would if I were getting a free trip to a place I wanted to go. Even today but especially when I was 20.

In fact when I first started working, employers sometimes made business travelers share hotel rooms with two double beds, sharing not just a bathroom but a sleeping space. Anyone else remember that?

I do. :/ complete stranger every year at our week long training.

I think the sharing of bathroom is fine. APs aren’t guaranteed a private bathroom.

Host mom to 5 APs and have traveled with all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you want to go on a trip where you share a bathroom with your brand-new boss? For a long-standing au pair I could maybe make a case for the suite, but for someone who’s just joined your family, give her a completely separate room. Everyone will appreciate it, and it will help get things off on the right foot.

I would if I were getting a free trip to a place I wanted to go. Even today but especially when I was 20.

In fact when I first started working, employers sometimes made business travelers share hotel rooms with two double beds, sharing not just a bathroom but a sleeping space. Anyone else remember that?

I twice had to share a room with my awful boss as recently as 2007!

I have stayed in suites before where there are two bedrooms that then share a common space (living room). I think that would work well. Otherwise an Airbnb/ house. If one room is a bedroom and the other is a sofa in the common area that doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

OP, we had multiple au pairs and travelled with all of them on a variety of trips (seeing relatives in other parts of the country but also Hawaii, Italy, San Francisco, Key West and the beach. I think your plan is fine as long as she does not have to share a room. As others have said, I think it is great to give her the option of doing things on her own but make clear that she doesn't have to do it. We had one au pair on an overseas trip who took advantage of the opportunity to day trip to see a different city. I think travelling together is a great way to really get to know each other outside of the daily work routines. In my experience, the au pairs would not be asked to work, but would chip in the same way any family member would do. So no leaving the kids with her for hours but not a big deal if she offers to watch the kids while you go to the bathroom in the restaurant or plays a game with the kids. We loved or liked a lot all of our au pairs and stayed in touch for years after.