When does it get easier?

[Anonymous]

Wondering when it got easier for those of you with high-energy, fast, loud, and extroverted kids who can't seem to play alone to save their lives. I love my kiddos (4.5 and almost 2) but in comparison to our other friends who have children of the same age range (I'm talking 3-4 other families here), they keep telling us we have "hard mode" kids and it feels like that now that we've been stuck at home a year. Other friends' kiddos play by themselves, are quieter (not completely quiet, just in comparison to my outside-volume 24/7 kids), are still napping, etc. I've met one other kid like my eldest in terms of energy and all-over-the-place personality (huge range of emotions and constantly changing interests) and it's his best friend from pre-k. His mom and I commiserate a lot.

But for real - when do they start to calm down a little if you have high energy kids? I'm an Extrovert with a capital E and I'M exhausted with the kids on weekends, but my poor introvert husband is really really suffering on occasion. The teachers at pre-k have noted he's very academically advanced, but emotionally he's behind his peers (he's the youngest in his class, so not like super behind to be worried), and they say this plays into the issue of bored turning into loud, hyperactive randomness. His little brother is showing the same signs of smart for his age, so we can expect to go through this a second time as well. There's nothing we can really do but wait it out as they develops and grow, but how long?

I'm well aware this is not a simple answer, I'm polling a crowd in hope of some... well, hope.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to be in constant motion all week and on the weekend. Even the most crazy, loud, busy toddlers/preschoolers can benefit from learning to have quieter down time for solo or pair play. Brains and bodies need breaks from loads of activities, constant motion and noise, and being independent is just as vital as being a team player engaging with others.

Your attitudes, instructions, and follow through as parents will facilitate this. Introduce a quiet time each morning and afternoon when the kids need to do self play. It could be coloring or doing an art project quietly at the table or doing a puzzle or reading in their respective rooms for 20 minutes. Make you and your DH “unavailable” during these two daily weekend sessions — you could be reading the paper on the couch while they play cars or legos on the floor, but if they ask you to join in for that period of time you tell them you’re busy and they can play by themselves for a short time. Reiterate until it becomes rote and a habit.

Most kids at 2 and 4 are exploring their worlds in busy, active, curious ways. It’s great you find your kids to be extroverted, but I caution you from falling into the category of parent who lets their kids run rampant, interrupt, and act crazy even at times when they should be quieter and more calmed down chalking it up to how cute and precocious it is to have such advanced, hyper-intelligent kids who simply must march to the beat of their own unique drum — it is easily confused with hyperactivity, lack of limits/self control, shorter attention spans, the constant need to be entertained by others, and total indulgence that won’t do them or you any favors.

[Anonymous]

I think around age 5-6 once they start “real” school they do generally mellow out a bit. Not every kid of course but many who were more high energy as toddlers-preschoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to be in constant motion all week and on the weekend. Even the most crazy, loud, busy toddlers/preschoolers can benefit from learning to have quieter down time for solo or pair play. Brains and bodies need breaks from loads of activities, constant motion and noise, and being independent is just as vital as being a team player engaging with others.

Your attitudes, instructions, and follow through as parents will facilitate this. Introduce a quiet time each morning and afternoon when the kids need to do self play. It could be coloring or doing an art project quietly at the table or doing a puzzle or reading in their respective rooms for 20 minutes. Make you and your DH “unavailable” during these two daily weekend sessions — you could be reading the paper on the couch while they play cars or legos on the floor, but if they ask you to join in for that period of time you tell them you’re busy and they can play by themselves for a short time. Reiterate until it becomes rote and a habit.

Most kids at 2 and 4 are exploring their worlds in busy, active, curious ways. It’s great you find your kids to be extroverted, but I caution you from falling into the category of parent who lets their kids run rampant, interrupt, and act crazy even at times when they should be quieter and more calmed down chalking it up to how cute and precocious it is to have such advanced, hyper-intelligent kids who simply must march to the beat of their own unique drum — it is easily confused with hyperactivity, lack of limits/self control, shorter attention spans, the constant need to be entertained by others, and total indulgence that won’t do them or you any favors.

OP here. We are definitely working on facilitating quiet time, and have been for some months. The younger is a little better than the older one - we definitely set the expectation of having someone's attention for a very long time as he was the first grandkid on both sides and never wanted for a playmate. It's better some days than others, but we're constantly battling "WATCH ME WATCH ME LOOK AT THIS" even during these time periods, even if we, say, are working on a chore like dishes or trash. We ignore and it really doesn't deter them.

[Anonymous]

Hmm...well I want to be realistic for you.

One of my kids is like this and school is tough. Early elementary years are tough. School is geared toward rewarding quiet sitters and bending everyone else toward that “norm”.

My now end of 1st grader needs to let off a lot of steam before and after school physically.

I would say it does get better over time. More ability to moderate behavior this year in 1st vs K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...well I want to be realistic for you.

One of my kids is like this and school is tough. Early elementary years are tough. School is geared toward rewarding quiet sitters and bending everyone else toward that “norm”.

My now end of 1st grader needs to let off a lot of steam before and after school physically.

I would say it does get better over time. More ability to moderate behavior this year in 1st vs K.

Same poster again. I would also caution the line of thinking - they are so smart they are bored and acting out. I get it. I would say the same about my kid. However, it’s not a hall pass for a kid who is acting out and don’t say it to the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...well I want to be realistic for you.

One of my kids is like this and school is tough. Early elementary years are tough. School is geared toward rewarding quiet sitters and bending everyone else toward that “norm”.

My now end of 1st grader needs to let off a lot of steam before and after school physically.

I would say it does get better over time. More ability to moderate behavior this year in 1st vs K.

Same poster again. I would also caution the line of thinking - they are so smart they are bored and acting out. I get it. I would say the same about my kid. However, it’s not a hall pass for a kid who is acting out and don’t say it to the teacher.

The smartest kids are never bored - they can always find something interesting to do or read. My Godson is really bright if not a genius and he doesn’t know what bored feels like.


That’s actually been proven untrue.

[Anonymous]

Super high energy and cannot play alone defines my now 10 yr old with ADD. (You knew I was coming, right? I’m sorry!). Only medication calmed him down and has been a godsend. He asks for his medication on weekends because he hates the way he feels without it. And yes, we tried everything before medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...well I want to be realistic for you.

One of my kids is like this and school is tough. Early elementary years are tough. School is geared toward rewarding quiet sitters and bending everyone else toward that “norm”.

My now end of 1st grader needs to let off a lot of steam before and after school physically.

I would say it does get better over time. More ability to moderate behavior this year in 1st vs K.

Same poster again. I would also caution the line of thinking - they are so smart they are bored and acting out. I get it. I would say the same about my kid. However, it’s not a hall pass for a kid who is acting out and don’t say it to the teacher.

The smartest kids are never bored - they can always find something interesting to do or read. My Godson is really bright if not a genius and he doesn’t know what bored feels like.


That’s actually been proven untrue.

I agree except you’re maybe not familiar with how a lot of classrooms look and operate. A bored kid is not allowed to read or find something else to do. In fact if they do that, it’s a problem. The teacher can’t have a bunch of kids just doing whatever the F they feel like. A bored kid has to sit there quietly listening to the teacher or doing the same activity as the other kids even if it’s something that’s pretty basic for that kid. Or the kid has to wait for others to catch up.

A good teacher handles this better. All teachers are not good teachers.

[Anonymous]

My kids are now teenagers but I remember those early years. My oldest was very strong willed and high energy. Using a timer really helped. I’d set it for 20 minutes and we’d do something together for that time. Then when it would go off, I’d set it for another 20 minutes and that was his time to play by himself. It seemed to help him having a defined period of time. As he got used to it I could increase the time and use it for quiet time, outside time, time with me, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...well I want to be realistic for you.

One of my kids is like this and school is tough. Early elementary years are tough. School is geared toward rewarding quiet sitters and bending everyone else toward that “norm”.

My now end of 1st grader needs to let off a lot of steam before and after school physically.

I would say it does get better over time. More ability to moderate behavior this year in 1st vs K.

Same poster again. I would also caution the line of thinking - they are so smart they are bored and acting out. I get it. I would say the same about my kid. However, it’s not a hall pass for a kid who is acting out and don’t say it to the teacher.

The smartest kids are never bored - they can always find something interesting to do or read. My Godson is really bright if not a genius and he doesn’t know what bored feels like.


That’s actually been proven untrue.

I agree except you’re maybe not familiar with how a lot of classrooms look and operate. A bored kid is not allowed to read or find something else to do. In fact if they do that, it’s a problem. The teacher can’t have a bunch of kids just doing whatever the F they feel like. A bored kid has to sit there quietly listening to the teacher or doing the same activity as the other kids even if it’s something that’s pretty basic for that kid. Or the kid has to wait for others to catch up.

A good teacher handles this better. All teachers are not good teachers.

This is accurate. My smart K kid got in trouble for trying to wander off during the teachers directions and play quietly. Got a note home about it. I get it. If they all did that she’d have a problem. My kid told me the teacher repeated herself and she got it the first time and didn’t need to hear it again and was bored. I told her, too bad sit there and listen quietly.

I agree with PP who said no one cares if your smart kid is “bored” or whatever else you want to call it. They will be expected to get with the program in a classroom setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Super high energy and cannot play alone defines my now 10 yr old with ADD. (You knew I was coming, right? I’m sorry!). Only medication calmed him down and has been a godsend. He asks for his medication on weekends because he hates the way he feels without it. And yes, we tried everything before medication.

+1. That was me as a kid and I have ADHD. Medication helps, but teaching executive functioning skills is critical. It didn’t get better for me until high school, and then the hyperactivity just shifted to distractibility.

[Anonymous]

I would go to a park every weekend morning and let them wear themselves out. Start quiet time for the oldest. Put music in his room and set timer, maybe 20 mins at first and work up
to 44-60 mins. If he stays in there and plays quietly he can have a 30 min show when it’s over.

[Anonymous]

My youngest is like this. We put him in a preschool that’s nearly all girls and there’s only one other boy (and that boy is calm). My son has done a 180 since then. He’s calmed down so much, spends tons of time coloring and loves to pretend cook. Even on the playground he’s less physical and isn’t knocking other people down. I dread the day that he gets a rough little boy like himself to play with. We have two girls and a boy.

We also spend a ton of time one on one with ds doing hands on activities like puzzles, play doh, and legos. It’s also helped calm him and focus him. My dh has ADHD and likely ds does too so we’re starting early on executive functioning skills. He also sits and lets us read to him for 30min (which took a while to get there. He didn’t used to be still enough).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think around age 5-6 once they start “real” school they do generally mellow out a bit. Not every kid of course but many who were more high energy as toddlers-preschoolers.

My 7 year old first grader has mellowed a bit but he still can't play on his own to save his life. Never could. His introverted little sister has been better at independent play since she was a toddler. Now, he can do things like read to himself, play computer games, do projects. But just playing without me suggesting any of the above? Nope.

He is of course much easier than he used to be though, and when he gets together with a friend it's incredibly easy because they just disappear or go nuts on the playground.

His energy level is incredible though. He's always been pretty low on the sleep need scale (dropped his nap by 2.5, ugh) and he still is -- leaps out of bed chipper as heck at 6 am on a weekend.