New nanny, 11-month-old freaking out

[Anonymous]

We didn’t have childcare for my baby because of COVID, finally found a vaccinated part time sitter. The first day, everything went well. The second day he screamed for over an hour, no matter what she did he was unhappy. Me coming out to calm him only made it worse when I tried leaving again. So I sat in my office at home listening to my baby scream and feeling like the worst mother in the world.

I know separation anxiety is normal, but I thought they’re supposed to calm down after a few minutes. With my parents, baby freaked out at first but got used to them within 15 min.

I am dreading the sitter coming back on Monday... but I really need the childcare. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

This could take a couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

Give it at least a week. Decide on a plan for when you will or will not come out. As you noted, the going back and forth can make it worse. I would use words to let baby know they are safe and mommy will be back after nap or whenever, then proceed. Then if you encounter baby again throughout the day, since you are in home together, always let baby know they are safe and mommy will be back then hug kiss go. Let nanny and baby bond and let nanny figure out how to comfort baby.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't they go outside? Does the child like to be outside? Being outside might they the attention away from not being with mama and learning to trust the nanny 'til mama comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t have childcare for my baby because of COVID, finally found a vaccinated part time sitter. The first day, everything went well. The second day he screamed for over an hour, no matter what she did he was unhappy. Me coming out to calm him only made it worse when I tried leaving again. So I sat in my office at home listening to my baby scream and feeling like the worst mother in the world.

I know separation anxiety is normal, but I thought they’re supposed to calm down after a few minutes. With my parents, baby freaked out at first but got used to them within 15 min.

I am dreading the sitter coming back on Monday... but I really need the childcare. Any advice?

You are not the worst mom ever.

Remember, this is a stranger to your baby and it will take time.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely have a camera set up so you can see what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Are you able to go for a walk while for a bit while they get to know each other? Nanny may be feeling extra nervous and the little one may be picking up on that.

[Anonymous]

Does the sitter have any experience with babies your child’s age? What does she try to soothe or distract your baby?

Is the sitter the same race as you and/or your parenting partner, or is she a different race? If different, has your child ever been around others of that race? I know many parents like to delude themselves that “children don’t see race!”, but that’s crap.

A clingy baby experiencing stranger anxiety is going to notice EVERYTHING that is different when comparing parents to sitter.

[Anonymous]

Did something happen on that first day?

[Anonymous]

Fake your kid out by leaving out the front door and saying goodby, then sneak back in to go to the office and don't come out.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your baby is getting upset. But at that age, that is very normal. Around 1 year is the peak of separation anxiety, so it is developmentally appropriate that this is a hard age to leave, there will often be tears, but your baby will be OK.

Develop a goodbye routine, like you would for child care dropoff, and stick to it. I would not come out to see the baby once you are 'at work', as then it's another separation all over again.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. Some kids at out preschool would cry in and off for a few hours until they adjusted. My DD cried at drop off every day from Sept - February.

Have the baby sitter bring your DD for a walk. Do the ‘fake leave’ move. Don’t go out to check on them it will make it harder and last longer. Especially if your baby knows the crying will get you to magically appear.