Decisive about college at 15

[Anonymous]

My HS freshman son is doing well in school, plays 2 HS sports, plays 2 musical instruments (not competitively). He has made the transition to HS seem easy. Last night he told me that he doesn't want to apply to top colleges, but colleges that are "good enough" and will leave him with free time to pursue non-academic interests too. He has a very rigorous schedule selected for 10th grade, and now I'm not sure that's best. I know it's been an exhausting academic year, but does anyone have similar experiences with teen boys that might be helpful?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a plan to me. I probably would tone back AP classes for the next few years. 1-2 per year is plenty. Let him enjoy his life.

[Anonymous]

Good for him, he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

[Anonymous]

My son is also 15 but a sophomore and really wants to avoid a cutthroat atmosphere in college and the gauntlet of doing things to apply to those types of colleges. I fully support him in becoming a well rounded version of himself, and saving me money in the process!

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a great kid who knows himself well and I think you should let him lead the way here. FWIW I have one kid who was self driven from the get to to go to a "top college" and she made it work for her. My other kid is clearly happier in the middle of the pack and that's okay too. Parent pushing might achieve brief short term gains but is not a good long term strategy. Let him be.

[Anonymous]

Good for him! I love a kid who knows what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night he told me that he doesn't want to apply to top colleges, but colleges that are "good enough" and will leave him with free time to pursue non-academic interests too

There are definitely "top" colleges where students have time for sports and music (and whatever else they want to do). I'd tell him it's great that he is clear on his priorities, and that he should definitely look for schools that fit his career ambitions as well as his desired work/life balance.

[Anonymous]

I went to a prep school and everyone was expected to go to a really good college. A number of my friends ended up in the Ivy League and ALL of them said that the hardest part was getting into the school. None of them worked as hard in college as they did in high school, so you may want to tell him that it's a false choice. I went to a good, but not Ivy-level school and my friends confirmed that I worked harder in college than they did. They got time to pursue life and extracurriculars and got the Ivy diploma.

I am by no means arguing that he should go to a "top" school if he doesn't want to. I'm just saying that the work load if he gets in may surprise him.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of hard to get into schools where the hard part is getting in. There are also easier schools where you have to work to get a decent GPA. Make sure he's not expecting to go to a 'good enough' school, do nothing and then graduate with a great GPA and be handed a job or admission to a graduate school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a prep school and everyone was expected to go to a really good college. A number of my friends ended up in the Ivy League and ALL of them said that the hardest part was getting into the school. None of them worked as hard in college as they did in high school, so you may want to tell him that it's a false choice. I went to a good, but not Ivy-level school and my friends confirmed that I worked harder in college than they did. They got time to pursue life and extracurriculars and got the Ivy diploma.

I am by no means arguing that he should go to a "top" school if he doesn't want to. I'm just saying that the work load if he gets in may surprise him.

My nephew said just the opposite. He graduated Ivy league and said he had to work his butt off. That it was 100x more difficult than high school, and getting in was the easy part. Maintaining his GPA and merit aid was a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of hard to get into schools where the hard part is getting in. There are also easier schools where you have to work to get a decent GPA. Make sure he's not expecting to go to a 'good enough' school, do nothing and then graduate with a great GPA and be handed a job or admission to a graduate school

This is 100% accurate and very important to know. It sounds like he doesn't understand this yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of hard to get into schools where the hard part is getting in. There are also easier schools where you have to work to get a decent GPA. Make sure he's not expecting to go to a 'good enough' school, do nothing and then graduate with a great GPA and be handed a job or admission to a graduate school

This is 100% accurate and very important to know. It sounds like he doesn't understand this yet.

Thanks, this is OP. He's in 9th grade and doesn't know anyone in college yet. So you are right. My dilemma is whether or not to keep him in the rigorous courses next year in 10th grade or go ahead and dial back the intensity now. My gut feeling is to leave things unless he raises the issue further.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend like that in high school. He decided he didn’t want to take AP courses unless the topic interested him, pretty sure the only AP he took was comp sci. His stated goal in life was “to get a job where I work for 8 hours and then I can play video games all night and all weekend.” I was like don’t you want to work hard so you can get an interesting job? And he was like not if it cuts into my video game time.

He ended up going to a state school that a lot of people would look down on here. What does he do for a living now? Designs video games.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a very smart young man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of hard to get into schools where the hard part is getting in. There are also easier schools where you have to work to get a decent GPA. Make sure he's not expecting to go to a 'good enough' school, do nothing and then graduate with a great GPA and be handed a job or admission to a graduate school

This is 100% accurate and very important to know. It sounds like he doesn't understand this yet.

Thanks, this is OP. He's in 9th grade and doesn't know anyone in college yet. So you are right. My dilemma is whether or not to keep him in the rigorous courses next year in 10th grade or go ahead and dial back the intensity now. My gut feeling is to leave things unless he raises the issue further.

Your choice of words makes it sound like you feel this is mostly your choice to make for him.