Best discipline for aggressive 2yo

[Anonymous]

My 2 yo tends to be a bit handsy and aggressive and we are trying to figure out the best way to combat some of these behaviors since they often hurt others physically. For example, she runs to say hello she will often head buttwhoever she is saying hi to, and sometimes she plays a bit too rough which starts in good fun but often leads to hurting someone or toys breaking.

She has recently started hitting and seems to think it’s funny (she doesn’t do it when angry per se), especially when she hits her older sister. We try telling her hitting isn’t nice and to use gentle hands but it seems to have no impact. We model nice hands as well.

She also loves to throw things when she is excited or frustrated which is also becoming an issue. Today she threw a heavy wood toy which hit her sister (accidentally). We tell her if she throws things she loses the toy/object but she doesn’t seem to care.

123 Magic worked really well with my older one, but this is a little different since I don’t think it makes sense to start counting once she has already hit someone of thrown something.

Can anyone share some tips for how best to handle this type of behavior?

[Anonymous]

I’m all for positive discipline issues, but when older sister is getting hurt, I would make sure I’m using a louder, stern voice “NO HIT” don’t over explain with too many words. If you see her raising a toy to throw you say “STOP. No throw!” And lead her away from the playing since just taking away the toy doesn’t phase her. Attend to sister even if she isn’t truly hurt.

[Anonymous]

You have to give your child a warning before they play with other children. A 2-year-old can figure out your expectations (no headbutting, etc.).

When my kids were that age and were through this stage, I would warn other moms up front before we met to play that I might have to leave if my child cannot behave. There were times at the park where we were walking back to the car to go home ten minutes after we arrived. You have to show your child you are serious about behavior. You do this and the fun ends immediately.

[Anonymous]

Time out for every aggressive behavior. Immediately. No warning. Just remove them for two minutes with the statement "No hitting, if you can't play nicely, then you can't play."

Positive reinforcement for playing nicely. "Good job! You are playing so nicely with your friend."

If the kid is having a total tantrum, hold them on your lap and restrain them until they stop. Don't allow them to hit you or others. Tell them "If you can't control yourself, I will control you to keep you safe. I won't allow you to hurt yourself or hurt other people."
Let them up as soon as they stop struggling and hitting.

[Anonymous]

Does your dd have a speech delay by any chance? My ds is exactly as you’ve described and I wonder if they’re connected. Check out the stuff on the generation mindful website. I got one of the stuffed animals and ds has been using it to tell me when he’s feeling “big things.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time out for every aggressive behavior. Immediately. No warning. Just remove them for two minutes with the statement "No hitting, if you can't play nicely, then you can't play."

Positive reinforcement for playing nicely. "Good job! You are playing so nicely with your friend."

If the kid is having a total tantrum, hold them on your lap and restrain them until they stop. Don't allow them to hit you or others. Tell them "If you can't control yourself, I will control you to keep you safe. I won't allow you to hurt yourself or hurt other people."
Let them up as soon as they stop struggling and hitting.

I prefer time outs be used very sparingly at this age as they're much harsher on a child at age 2 than even, say, 3. But, I think you need to try timeouts if taking away toys or items isn't working, and if, as I assume you probably already have tried talking sternly.

They can be very short because she's so little, but I do agree, no warning. She'll probably learn very quickly which offenses warrant timeouts. Hug her and talk to her after about why.

[Anonymous]

Swift slap on the butt and a no.

Have her play with an older child who will defend themselves.

Do what they're doing to others to them e.g. hair pulling.

When my son was between 12-18 months he hit he as hard as he could with a vacuum cleaner attachment. He received a swift wordless smack on his bare butt and now he doesn't hit, including his baby sister. If only I had a PhD in child psychology I could figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Start complimenting/rewarding her extremely frequently when she is not aggressive. This worked for my cheerful but recalcitrant biter over the course of a long weekend. “Wow! You have t bitten big brother at all for 5 minutes!” It rankled a bit but worked.

[Anonymous]

When my kid did this the only thing that worked was having the older sibling hit back immediately.

It also helped to have more play dates with boys. I hate saying that but in my experience boys are much more likely to hit back when hit than girls. The 2 year olds quickly learn the rules of the playground. Some kids just don’t get it until they experience an undesirable physical reaction in response to hitting.