How much freedom does your 11 year old have?

[Anonymous]

We're moving to the suburbs this summer (specifically Chevy Chase), and I'm wondering how much freedom other parents of 11 year olds/6th graders let their kids have. Where I live now I have a lot of safety concerns, but it seems like location will address many of them.

So, I'm wondering what you let your child do?

-- Go to the neighborhood pool by themselves?
-- Go to a neighborhood store by themselves?
-- Ride their bike by themselves on something like the Capital Crescent Trail?
-- Take the metro alone?

Any of these things? All of them? None?

[Anonymous]

Well, I have a 11 YO and he can play alone outside if I can see him through the window but if he wants to go to the store or walk around the neighborhood he has to go with his brother (13YO). And he never goes to the pool alone, always with me or my husband.

[Anonymous]

My eldest is getting close to 11 and I've been quizing my friends about what age they start the things you mentioned. Yes, most said age 11-12 for riding the bike to the pool alone, going to the neighborhood store alone. In my neighborhood going to these places means riding on the bike trail. Of course, going with a buddy is best. But if it's a short trip with no tempting distractions, then I agree that many 11 year olds can be trained how to go safely. I think training should involve safety issues, bike maintenance and a list of consequences if the kid makes a bad choice while out on his own. Of course you know your kid best so you can figure out how much freedom is the right amount. IMO, I would want to settle into the neighborhood for a while before letting my kid ride off.

[Anonymous]

I live in CHCH and have an 11yo son. I let him go to the park or the store alone. I don't let him ride his bike on the bike path though. Nor has he asked. I don't think he is ready for the metro either. Just today he asked about the bus and I am debating it.

[Anonymous]

What about 11-year-old girls?

[Anonymous]

I not totally sure! even boy and girls ... Remember "Jaycee Dugard" She was 11 when she was abducted from the street near her house.

[Anonymous]

Sadly my 12 year old DD has never gone anywhere by herself, not even a short distance. Feels too dangerous to let her walk alone, but on the other hand, at some point, she will have to learn. Have to start somewhere small....

[Anonymous]

I pick -up my daughter from the school Bus stop every single day. Since I hear about "Jaycee Dugart" I feel so afraid. And even 11...12...13 years old they still little.

[Anonymous]

I have let DD go to the neighborhood park if she is with a friend. I usually make them take our large dog with them and always, a cellphone. If there are families that we know there, they can stay a 20 or 30 minutes (DD calls and reports on which adults that we know are there with their infants and toddlers). If not, they are to come home. It helps that I can see the park from my deck.

It's a far cry from when I was 9 and 10 and rode my bike a mile to school by myself.

[Anonymous]

I have let 11-yr-old DD go to the park or store with a friend. Cell phone is useful for some things (esp. tracking them down if they are late), but be sure to restrict its use while walking or esp. while crossing streets - a distracted child is in danger from cars, bikes, predators. It's a little tricky to untangle my peace of mind from her safety, but they are different.

When I first did this I set narrow time limits, which helped. And we still talk about what danger looks like: if somebody even asks you what time it is, check who else is around and how close they are to you.

For a long time I shielded her from the Metro section of the Post, but now I feel as if she ought to know that I'm not making this stuff up. Otherwise I get "Oh Mom, that'll never happen!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're moving to the suburbs this summer (specifically Chevy Chase), and I'm wondering how much freedom other parents of 11 year olds/6th graders let their kids have. Where I live now I have a lot of safety concerns, but it seems like location will address many of them.

So, I'm wondering what you let your child do?

-- Go to the neighborhood pool by themselves?
-- Go to a neighborhood store by themselves?
-- Ride their bike by themselves on something like the Capital Crescent Trail?
-- Take the metro alone?

Any of these things? All of them? None?

By 11 my kids could bike through the neighborhood, but not on or across busy streets.
Go alone to the pool and/or store, as long as within the range of the above (only one store qualified).

By the beginning of 6th grade (for my kids a few months short of 12), they could take the bus or metro alone, once we had rehearsed the route and safety rules.

They weren't allowed to bike with a friend or alone on the Crescent Trail until closer to 12 1/2.

[Anonymous]

We all need to remember two things:

1. It is not more dangerous now than it was when we were kids. The incidence of stranger abductions, etc. is not higher than it was in the 70s. The reason Jayce Duggard is such a big news story is that this kind of thing is almost unimaginably rare.

2. Our children are in much greater danger of being molested and otherwise abuse by people who know them -- relatives, friends, teachers, etc. So if we are to be wise, we will concentrate on our children's safety around people we know.

I'm not discounting the horror of these things, but we need to be smart and balance fear with freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about 11-year-old girls?

My 12 year old takes Metro and city buses unchaperoned -- to and from school. And can walk to the library or fencing lession (crossing Connecticut) and guitar lessons (crossing Wisconsin), though usually I go with her because she likes the company.

When she was 11, she could go to the playground alone and walk to friends' houses that were 15 minutes away. None of which involved crossing big streets.

She started asking for freedom of movement at 11 and the playground (at the end of our street) was the first step.

I haven't let her ride her bike alone except in the immediate neighborhood. Part of that is about when she wanted to read (early evening) and visibility. And the bus and Metro riding was after many years of me making the same trip with her, so she knew the drill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all need to remember two things:

1. It is not more dangerous now than it was when we were kids. The incidence of stranger abductions, etc. is not higher than it was in the 70s. The reason Jayce Duggard is such a big news story is that this kind of thing is almost unimaginably rare.

2. Our children are in much greater danger of being molested and otherwise abuse by people who know them -- relatives, friends, teachers, etc. So if we are to be wise, we will concentrate on our children's safety around people we know.

I'm not discounting the horror of these things, but we need to be smart and balance fear with freedom.

I'm sure about that! ... Totally respect your suggestion ! BUT... We never know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all need to remember two things:

1. It is not more dangerous now than it was when we were kids. The incidence of stranger abductions, etc. is not higher than it was in the 70s. The reason Jayce Duggard is such a big news story is that this kind of thing is almost unimaginably rare.

2. Our children are in much greater danger of being molested and otherwise abuse by people who know them -- relatives, friends, teachers, etc. So if we are to be wise, we will concentrate on our children's safety around people we know.

I'm not discounting the horror of these things, but we need to be smart and balance fear with freedom.

I'm not sure about that! ... Totally respect your suggestion ! BUT... We never know?