5yr old peed her pants on purpose

[Anonymous]

Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

[Anonymous]

At least she didn't go GG Allin on you. Google what he did at concerts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

Agree, if you were confident she did it on purpose to break up their fun. Natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

That is pretty advanced manipulation for a 5 year old. But yes, I would have made her sit in her wet clothes for a little bit to drive home the point that she doesn't dictate our schedule.

Put some extra clothes in your car just in case this becomes a habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

+1

If you are certain she peed her pants on purpose, you can’t let that kind of manipulation get her what she wants.

If you don’t like the approach of making her endure the consequences of her actions, don’t take her to the park again without a fresh set of underwear/pants on hand.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you can do now but next time you go to the park, you take 9 year old and 5 year old has to miss out. Absolutely unacceptable to pee your pants to get what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

Agree, if you were confident she did it on purpose to break up their fun. Natural consequences.

+1. She doesn’t need to have bring manipulative reinforced.

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old peed on a wall once for similar reasons. Made eye contact the whole time. He is now a strong willed and successful 12 year old, but I see that in him.

Firm consequences early and often for these kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

Agreed.

I would stand with her near the car so she wouldn’t be embarrassed, but I wouldn’t leave.

[Anonymous]

Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

+1

If you are certain she peed her pants on purpose, you can’t let that kind of manipulation get her what she wants.

If you don’t like the approach of making her endure the consequences of her actions, don’t take her to the park again without a fresh set of underwear/pants on hand.

Agree with everything except the change of clothes. Let her deal with smelling like the pissy 5yo at the park. She will need to try another strategy when disappointed. Maybe learning how to play with rocks and ants alone like we did? Or bringing a book to read? She has to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

Agree, if you were confident she did it on purpose to break up their fun. Natural consequences.

+1. She doesn’t need to have bring manipulative reinforced.

The key is to look unphased by the whole thing. “Oh no, you’ll have to wait in pee pants for awhile. There’s still 30 minutes before it’s time to go home.” Speak calmly. Even empathy is okay, just do not change your plans over this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

[Anonymous]

If she was not like this before the pandemic, I would go gentle on her this one time.

It's really tough this year. She has probably become too attached to her sister because of the lockdown.

Have a talk with her, set up more playdates for her. Help her develop her own friendships. And let it go.