Is it rude to say, "why do you care?" as a response to someone expressing an interest in something?

[Anonymous]

I have often been at the receiving end of this usually in response to me talking about an interest or hobby.

As a kid I was into animation and comic books. I would join message boards to discuss new releases and storylines.

As an adult I consume pop culture. I read People mag and often discuss celebrity dramas. I am sure I probably come across as excessive or a nerd but...I am a nerd?

I don't know, I always find it rude. I never say "why do you care?" if someone is obsessed with their favorite sports team or is into makeup or beauty.

[Anonymous]

It is wildly rude.

[Anonymous]

It’s rude and very immature. I would be very disappointed in my 11 yo if she said this.

[Anonymous]

Damn rude. You need better friends.

[Anonymous]

Reply with,

“Why are you here?”

[Anonymous]

In that case it is rude.

[Anonymous]

None of your business is a better reply than why do you care.

As in:

I'm going home early because I don't feel well.

Really? What are your symptoms?

Why do you care? (Comes off as very rude)

None of your business. (Also rude but more to the point. And doesn't indicate a need to continue the conversation.)

[Anonymous]

"what makes you ask?
" is much better

[Anonymous]

I think it’s very rude and there’s better ways to handle it.

But I’d think about when people say this to you. If you’re incessant and passionate about pop culture, people might ask “why do you care”? Because maybe they don’t care about who whatever A list actress is dating, or whatever singer went to rehab, and you’re rambling at them passionately about said A list actress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s very rude and there’s better ways to handle it.

But I’d think about when people say this to you. If you’re incessant and passionate about pop culture, people might ask “why do you care”? Because maybe they don’t care about who whatever A list actress is dating, or whatever singer went to rehab, and you’re rambling at them passionately about said A list actress.

Yes, I think I need to stop talking about it to people who have no interest in it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, rude. But people who respond this way to another adult being interested in or passionate about a hobby are usually just exceedingly dull people who care much more about appearances than enjoying life. When people act this way, I’m almost grateful because then I know not to invest energy in them. I feel bad for them.

But yes to PP who says it to deflect nosy people who want to ask pointed personal questions. Or gossips. I have many times had people try to engage me in conversation about a friend’s or colleague’s personal life and I said “why do you care?” Because I think it’s tacky and gross to take that kind of interest in someone else’s private life. But those are different scenarios.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s rude when the person who is interested in something like celebrity gossip is being ugly about it, as often happens in the entertainment threads here on DCUM. E.g. someone’s “interest” is actually in tearing a celeb down.

[Anonymous]

To a family member or close friend it’s rude. But to anyone else it’s definitely fine and not rude. People need to learn to mind their own business.

[Anonymous]

I would treat their asking why you care about, say, Khloe Kardashian as genuine confusion and answer them in kind.

It really screws with people when they're trying to insult you and you ... don't let them.

I get People magazine too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, rude. But people who respond this way to another adult being interested in or passionate about a hobby are usually just exceedingly dull people who care much more about appearances than enjoying life. When people act this way, I’m almost grateful because then I know not to invest energy in them. I feel bad for them.

But yes to PP who says it to deflect nosy people who want to ask pointed personal questions. Or gossips. I have many times had people try to engage me in conversation about a friend’s or colleague’s personal life and I said “why do you care?” Because I think it’s tacky and gross to take that kind of interest in someone else’s private life. But those are different scenarios.

I don’t know that everyone has to politely tolerate your obsession with your hobbies.

I’m envisioning OP getting super excited about something like the Meghan / Kate “feud” and in painful detail telling someone how much she support’s Kate’s side of the feud. In response, someone who couldn’t care less about whether these women hate each other says to OP, “why do you care so much about this?”

OP is obsessing over other people’s lives and talking to other adults about it. I don’t think it’s that strange to ask her why she cares.