How do you balance forcing a pre-K kid to learn with not making them hate school?

[Anonymous]

My kid really hates online school, so we do it minimally. She is also very resistant to sitting down to do any "work." She will happily color, listen to me read books, play, etc., but if it feels like I'm directing her, she refuses. For example, she refuses to try to sound out words, to try to practice writing her letters, etc. She resists doing any preschool-type worksheets and that sort of thing. When I read to her, I sometimes pause to sound out a word or point out the first letter of a familiar word, and she gets upset and says, "PLEASE JUST READ!" She knows her letter sounds, but doesn't want to learn to read, practice letters/numbers, etc.

On the one hand, I want her to learn some discipline and work ethic (at a preschool level) before she starts Kindergarten. On the other hand, I hear lots of people saying that it's bad to push kids to do academic work when they are 4. I want her to enjoy school, be curious, etc. I worry that if she starts K with no ability to write (beyond her name) and no practice sitting down to do activities, she'll struggle in K

[Anonymous]

The purpose of K and first grade is to teach kids how to read and write and do very basic math.
Do not force your four year old to learn things she is not ready for. Some kids can read in K, some cannot. Unless there is a learning disability, things will even out by third grade.

[Anonymous]

There are so many ways to learn PK skills that don't involve sitting at a table doing worksheets. Young kids learn better through activities anyway. So many letters out of playdough or trace letters in shaving cream or sand. Do basic math through cooking. Read to her and talk about what you're reading. She'll learn everything else she needs to know next year.

[Anonymous]

You can't "force" someone to learn. The best you can do is foster a love of learning. Your kid is 4. Her job is to play.She will learn what she needs to learn. There are mountains of studies showing that early academic gains are far offset by later deficits. If you keep trying to make her learn, you risk making her hate learning and damaging your relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Drop the rope. She’s super young, it’s a pandemic, she’ll be fine with formal learning in school.

[Anonymous]

Are you willing to do an in person option? My 4 year old loves preschool—including sounding out words and doing some basic addition and subtraction—but couldn’t care less about doing it online, during the period when her preschool was closed.

If that isn’t an option, don’t worry. The reading and coloring are educational in themselves for that age group.

[Anonymous]

When you read, just read. Foster a love of reading. Don't mess this one up.

No work sheets. Not yet. Lots of playdough - google other activities to strengthen her hands to prepare her for writing.

Set up her play environment for natural hands on discovery learning. They are curious by nature and are always learning.

[Anonymous]

You have to make it fun for them to learn. Alphabet games, playing with numbers, etc.

I think it is helpful for them to get in the habit of enjoying learning. You don’t want them to feel forced, but you also don’t want them to feel insecure or behind. I see that as early as K or 1. Best to start when they are less self-conscious.

[Anonymous]

Preschool teacher here. You do not need to force her to do "academic" style assignments. The best learning happens when the learner is engaged. forcing it is not effective. Also, four year olds don't have to be good a writing yet -- she has time to get there. Do playful things with letters if you want to focus on letters. If you'd like her to practice writing, try and make it functional or part of pretend play: writing her name to sign a letter to grandma, or writing up a menu for a play restaurant. I wouldn't expect her to be able to do much of the writing yet, and that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Both of my kids were like that -- down to the "Please just read!" when I point out words on the page -- and I didn't force it. My older one is a voracious reader despite me not doing academic work with her. My younger one is not yet, but he's getting there (first grade) and he loves books. I don't think there is a need to "force" academic learning before K.

I should note that both my kids (and this may go for your kid as well) hate being "taught" by mom or dad, but they are perfectly good with being taught by teachers. That's pretty common. So I get lots of resistance if I say hey let's practice writing, but in K with the teacher and all their classmates, they were willing and eager to do so. That's partly why this year of Covid has been so hard -- parents have been forced to play teacher to their kids who do not want their parents in that role.

You might be pleasantly surprised with K when your academic-resisting kid happily does academics with her teacher in person.

[Anonymous]

Staaaaaaaaahp.

[Anonymous]

Op if you want her to enjoy learning, do well in school as you say, you really should stop what you are doing. Truly. Sitting down at desks, worksheets, learning to write, it’s all just not developmentally appropriate at all and it can do harm as you’re seeing (in making kids not like learning). The research supports the opposite of what you’re doing - let her play, read to her, follow her interests and be creative with her, and she will be better off. I feel like it’s such a gift that the research actually supports that taking a more playful approach like this - you don’t need to be putting this pressure on yourself. Your daughter is trying to tell you this loud and clear (and now everyone on this board is confirming) so please give it a shot! Read up a little on why play based learning is so much more developmentally appropriate at this age.

I hear you that you’re worried she won’t be able to sit for an assignment etc, but forcing her to do something she is not developmentally ready for will not assist in that. She will be able to when she gets to the age that sit down learning at a desk is appropriate and when she is at school learning routines and norms with the rest of her peers. Build her ability to focus by letting her go deep into projects, helping her go deeper when needed, letting her have unstructured play where she really goes deeply into a topic. This actually builds the skills you’re looking for but in a developmentally appropriate way.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth do you have a 4 year old doing online pre-K? It's not necessary, either find an in-person program or drop it. It's not age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid really hates online school, so we do it minimally. She is also very resistant to sitting down to do any "work." She will happily color, listen to me read books, play, etc., but if it feels like I'm directing her, she refuses. For example, she refuses to try to sound out words, to try to practice writing her letters, etc. She resists doing any preschool-type worksheets and that sort of thing. When I read to her, I sometimes pause to sound out a word or point out the first letter of a familiar word, and she gets upset and says, "PLEASE JUST READ!" She knows her letter sounds, but doesn't want to learn to read, practice letters/numbers, etc.

On the one hand, I want her to learn some discipline and work ethic (at a preschool level) before she starts Kindergarten. On the other hand, I hear lots of people saying that it's bad to push kids to do academic work when they are 4. I want her to enjoy school, be curious, etc. I worry that if she starts K with no ability to write (beyond her name) and no practice sitting down to do activities, she'll struggle in K

You teacher her self-discipline by having routine chores to do, not academics at this age.

[Anonymous]

Here is some reading to start with, sorry the second two are from random sources but they walk through some of the research in an easy way to understand and I’m not on my laptop so don’t have access to the exact articles, was just searching quickly to get you started

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/01/the-new-preschool-is-crushing-kids/419139/


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201505/early-academic-training-produces-long-term-harm%3Famp

https://wehavekids.com/education/20-Reasons-Why-We-Need-a-Revolution-in-Early-Childhood-Education-What-Were-Doing-All-Wrong-at-Americas-Preschools